Tips for tough times


tough times

“You can’t change what’s going on around you until you start changing what’s going on within you.” ~Zig Ziglar

Tips for tough times

  1. Tough times pass – keep perspective

Don’t panic – keep calm. Sometimes life circumstances can seem overwhelming and a desperation sets in. Sit quietly, breathe deeply and remember that one thing in life is guaranteed and that is change. This works in your favour when you feel really low as the only way forward must be up!

2. Acceptance and stillness

Sometimes it’s for the best to slow down and take time out for yourself instead of trying to control and fix. There are times when sitting back and focusing on ourselves, building our inner resilience is the best action to take. Stop resisting and accept – this does not mean giving up but it also means that stillness can be a blessing and that it can bring us greater perspective if we stop, take no action and let things evolve naturally for a while before deciding what to do next.

3. Focus on what you can control

Do a little each day on the things that you have control and influence over. For me, that’s trying to eat healthily and improve the amount of exercise I do, The more I look after myself, the more content I feel. Focusing on the actions of others to help me feel better often leaves me feeling vulnerable so I do my best to work on and action those small things each day that bring me a sense of empowerment.

4. Energy flows where your attention goes

Monitor what you focus on. Try not to over think things or focus on problems that may never occur (“what if” type thinking). Watch your self talk and ensure that your ‘mental diet’ is helpful rather than unhelpful.

Example: unhelpful thought: My life is never going to improve

Helpful thought: I may be unhappy now and feel there is no hope but I can’t predict the future and there could be good times ahead.

5. Keep the faith

Don’t give up. Learn self compassion during the tough times. Don’t beat yourself up over perceived mistakes. We all find ourselves in situations that test us – situations that we never ever imagined we would have to face. See each tough time as a lesson, it might be presenting itself to teach you something. Use to become wiser and stronger.

Mandy X


Choose you


self love

Choose you

Let’s get this straight – when you ‘choose you’ you are not being selfish. In fact, you are doing the most natural thing in the world. Most of my clients find it very difficult to pamper and treat themselves. We are conditioned to put ourselves last and for many, thinking about themselves leaves them feeling guilty.

If you don’t look after yourself, how can you be functioning at your best? When we put others first constantly, we can end up run down and exhausted. When we are exhausted and not at our best how can we possibly be the best version of ourselves? We aren’t the best partner we could be nor are we the best possible parent, friend etc

When you put yourself as priority number one, in terms of your health and personal well being, you create a strong foundation from which to operate successfully. It’s common sense.

So make yourself a promise that from today you will schedule in ‘me time’ each week – at least 2-4 hours. Promise yourself too that you will make sure you do something that you enjoy regularly and set up some healthy goals to work towards – short term and long term.

Charity really does start at home – with you!

Mandy X

How to attract a healthy relationship


happy healthy relationship

How to attract a healthy relationship

I have had awful relationships in the past. There seems to be a slightly dysfunctional part to me that assists in focusing my ‘relationship radar’ in the wrong direction. I have had relationships with people that have been controlling and abusive – emotionally and mentally. My own needs and wants have been completely unimportant in my pursuit of love and acceptance – and that was my first big mistake.

I have always had to work at my self worth and there have been many times in the past when I have felt grateful for any small amount of affection and love. The reason for this is that I haven’t loved myself enough. I have never felt worthy of love and have felt inherently unloveable.

My messages to myself were that I was lucky to have attention from someone else and that they were doing me a huge favour. Entering a relationship with this type of inner dialogue was bound to lead to an unequal dynamic where I tried too hard and ended up with a complacent partner.

Once I started seeing myself as a valuable person who would be an asset in someone one else’s life I began to feel that I deserved love and attention. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this and changing my behaviour in order to attract more healthy relationships. Here is some advice from my own experiences:

  1. See yourself as a ‘prize’. Ensure that you think highly of yourself…always – wear your invisible crown at all times.
  2. Don’t allow a pattern of neglectful behaviour from your partner. Everyone slips up now and then but if there is a lack of respect that continues – you need to nip it in the bud.
  3. Be assertive and ask for what you want. Part of honouring who you are consists of asking for what you need. Don’t expect the other person to automatically know – tell them.
  4. Trust your gut instincts. Sometimes we so desperately want love and begin ignoring the warning signs; Keep your wits about you and don’t ignore warning signs. Your inner wisdom will always try to tell you – tune in to it.
  5. See yourself as an equal in the relationship.
  6. Don’t expect your partner to meet all of your needs – make sure you have a varied and interesting life away from your partner.
  7. Keep your friendships going – they can sometimes last longer than romantic relationships do. Never neglect your friendships.

The more you respect and love yourself, the healthier your relationships will be. Focus on all that is good about you, remind yourself regularly of your strengths. There is someone out there for you who will not expect you to change and will adore you, warts and all.

Mandy X


Stop running away


stop running away

Stop running away

When life gets overwhelming, it is tempting to want to avoid problems, pretend they aren’t there and numb ourselves with some from of escapism such as alcohol, drugs, excessive spending, illicit affairs and so on.

The problem with this strategy is that avoidance often prolongs the issue that we are running away from, effectively extending our misery. Often we avoid something because we feel it will be unpleasurable – for example – confronting a partner about an unhappy relationship or leaving a job that you are no longer happy in. Running away doesn’t always consist of actively running away – it can also encompass denial and a refusal to tackle life issues.

Examine your attitude to the things you run away from. Instead of fear and avoidance, start telling yourself that embracing and confronting issues head on is where it’s at. Regularly repeat statements to yourself such as, “I am in control and will no longer tolerate unsuitable situations in my life”. “I will not be afraid to change my life circumstances as my goal is to improve my quality of life”. Initial change is scary for anyone but after the initial shock, you will feel the pleasure of knowing you are living a life of integrity and that you are ‘designing’ a life for yourself that is right…don’t settle and definitely don;t avoid out of fear. Be brave, see yourself as a Trojan – someone who isn’t afraid to tackle life and feel alive, even if feeling alive hurts sometimes.

The more you confront issues, the more empowered and confident you will ultimately feel. Don’t fear change, fear staying the same – fear accepting and ‘settling’…that is much more frightening.

Mandy X

Tips for life

advice for life

Tips for life

  1. Know what you want. Don’t go around asking for approval.
  2. Always love and respect your parents.
  3. Never cheat on your girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband. – if you’re not happy: leave.
  4. On the bus always give up your seat to the elderly, pregnant women, and mothers with their kids.
  5. Don’t lend money to your family. Give it.
  6. Don’t put others down.
  7. Don’t participate in gossip.
  8. Exercise.
  9. At the gym wear nice clothes. You will interact with a lot of different kinds of professionals there and first impressions are everything.
  10. No matter how mad you may be at your family, keep it in the family.
  11. Don’t brag.
  12. Listen. People like to talk about themselves.
  13. Never use the term: “Shit happens.” Put in more efforts into comforting that person.
  14. Don’t follow others.
  15. Don’t waste your life away being on your phone and computer all the time.
  16. When making plans, call. Don’t text.
  17. Know how to fix things around the house.
  18. Don’t be intimidated by anyone.
  19. Have hobbies.
  20. Don’t be afraid to go and watch a movie alone.
  21. Learn to be patient and relaxed.
  22. Never stop learning new skills.
  23. Read books and keep the mind fresh.
  24. Read the newspaper.
  25. You don’t need a reason to buy your mom flowers.
  26. Own a pair of expensive sunglasses, gloves and nice scarf.
  27. Don’t buy things you can’t afford.


Mandy X

Understanding consent


Understanding consent

A friend showed me this video and I really loved the way they used drinking tea as an analogy for understanding consent in a sexual context . I love the way this video is out together…..Mandy X



Advice about love and relationships


love and relationships

Advice about love and relationships

1. Don’t stay with someone who antagonizes you or belittles you.

2. If you feel lonely, you’re better off being alone.

3. Know when to walk away.

4. You can gauge a person’s love for you by how they treat you when they are upset with you.

5. Love is a verb, not a noun.

6. When a lightbulb goes out, you fix the lightbulb. You don’t get a new house.

7. Don’t settle for someone who has zero regard for your feelings or wants just because you’ve been together a long time.

8. Just because you love each other does not mean that you’re good together long-term.

9. No relationship is perfect and there will be conflict. What matters is the desire to solve the problem.

10. Always fight the problem, not the other person. If you keep this in mind when arguing, you’ll be able to actually resolve the issue than be mad at each other.

11. Don’t look for a girl you want to treat like a princess, look for a girl you want to treat like a partner.

12. Don’t disparage your SO behind their back.

13. Confidence isn’t “I know she likes me”, confidence is “I’ll be okay whether she likes me or not.”

14. There are a number of people you can be compatible with. No one is perfect. You have to work at love.

15. You’re not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

16. Marry the one who gives you the same feeling you get when you see food coming at a restaurant.

17. The grass is not greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.

18. Stop trying to find the right person and start trying to BE the right person.

19. The person who cares least in the relationship has the most control.

20. Don’t fall in love with your waitress, hooker, or therapist.

21. It’s better to be happy than to be right.

22. Always be the first to genuinely apologize after a fight.

23. You can’t expect someone to love you when you can’t love yourself.

24. Just because you liked the friend-version of someone doesn’t mean you’ll like the relationship-version of them.

25. Before you move in with your partner, go on a road trip with them.

26. Don’t be afraid to open up and be vulnerable. Vulnerability can bring you closer together and strengthen the two of you.

27. When you and your SO are arguing, remember—it’s you and them VS the problem. Not you VS them.

28. Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

29. Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential.

30. It takes two happy individuals to make a happy relationship.

31. If the world didn’t give each other second chances, we would all be single.

32. Everyone is searching for the perfect person, but no one is trying to be the perfect person.

33. If you love the memories more than the relationship, it’s time to move on.

34. Just because a person is right or perfect for you, you may not be the right one for them.

35. If it’s broken, fix it. If you’ve lost count of how many times it’s broken, or the cost of repair far outweighs the initial outlay, throw it away and move on.

36. Out of all the things needed for a successful relationship, love barely makes the top 5. Honesty, loyalty, trust, and communication all have to be there.

37. Always hold hands when talking about the hard stuff. It helps to keep the negative emotions in check & shows you care.

38. Be the man or woman you would want your future or current child dating.

39. Love is about appreciation, not possession.

40.Don’t go to bed angry. Everything will be there and worse in the morning.

41. Always seduce your lover, even if you are in a committed relationship. Otherwise, another person will.

42.If she threatens to leave, help her pack her bags.

43. Keep no secrets, tell no lies.

44. Sometimes you gotta wise up and let go. Yes, it hurts. But it’ll hurt more in the future.

45. Relationships aren’t hard. If it is hard, you are probably with the wrong person.

46. Love is not a feeling. Feelings fade, change, respond to situations and events. Love is a choice.

47. If it feels wrong at the beginning, it probably won’t get better.

48.If you’re keeping score you already lost.

49. Love is an action, not a feeling. It’s learned and developed skill, not an experience. Not that the romantic feeling doesn’t exist or isn’t a wonderful part of the relationship, but it doesn’t make it last.

50. The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.