The difference between achievement and success

 

success achievement

The difference between achievement and success

Have you ever taken a moment to think about these two terms – achievement and success? There is a difference between achievement and success and the danger comes about when we see the two concepts as one and the same.

I see many clients who are perfectionists and for them, constant achievement equals success. The immense pressure this places upon them creates anxiety and does lead to depression in some cases. This occurs  where clients fail to keep up their strenuous and unrealistic goals to achieve. Sadly, people too hung up and obsessed with achievement only see themselves as worthy and valuable when they are achieving – making money, closing business deals etc They completely miss the point when it comes to looking at their inner characteristics such as tolerance, kindness, being a good partner, father and so on…this gets lost in the obsessive need to achieve.

Achievement does not necessarily mean success. Success can mean different things to different people. Those that are rigid in their thinking and believe success is the act of achieving are more unhappy with themselves and their lives than those who see success in many other areas as well. For well balanced individuals – success is seen as a wider concept. Achievement is only a small element of success. Success can also involve carving out a life that works well for you – whether that’s living on a hut on a beach or just being true to yourself – this type of success will be longer lasting and more fulfilling than a life where success is narrowly defined as achieving. Achievement works on the premise that you must DO something but success doesn’t always involve doing or acting. For me, relaxing and taking time out from a busy schedule is success – working against how we are brainwashed to keep doing and achieving. Sometimes, resisting this is a good thing!

Be careful of your interpretation of achievement and success. Allow yourself to see success in many areas of life, that don’t necessarily have to include achievement.

Mandy X

 

 

Stop the negative self talk

 

unhappy photo

Stop the negative self talk

We talk to ourselves all the time and the content of that self talk is often more negative than positive. This post is on how to stop the negative self talk. Many people don’t even realise that they are talking to themselves in a negative way. In fact, for many people it is just a bad habit. It’s a bad habit that can lead to limited opportunities in life. When we talk negatively to ourselves, we create self limiting beliefs that prevent us from taking risks and getting the best out of life. Do you ever catch yourself saying things like, “I could never do that” or “I’m not clever, pretty, good looking enough…etc” ? When you ‘feed’ yourself with these words, you wear down your confidence. Stop the negative self talk, it serves you no good.

Imagine that someone bought you a parrot as a pet. You put the parrot in your home and every time it sees you it insults you. It tells you that you look fat and ugly or that you are worthless. You would presumably get rid of it. Think of your negative self talk as a “poisonous parrot”.You don’t have to listen to it. Negative self talk isn’t true, it’s just made-up criticism that we can ignore if we choose to. Even better, replace the negative self talk with positive self talk.

When you catch yourself telling yourself you are stupid, say something like this instead, “I am not stupid. I am human and make mistakes like everyone else”. Ensure the messages you give yourself are compassionate not critical. The more you send yourself positive messages, the more you open up opportunities for yourself and give yourself the best chance in life to reach your true potential. It’s a no-brainer. Stop the negative self talk and treat yourself as you would a best friend. Become your number one fan!!

Mandy X

 

Through the eyes of an addict

 

addict

Through the eyes of an addict

“Oh my God, where is it!”

Kneeling on the floor, scrambling for hopeful misplaced pieces of crystal meth, weed. Damn it, in fact, anything will do right now. Dropping fragments of his dignity as he scavenged for anything, he needed a fix and he needed it badly.

In the corner of his eyes, he spots it, a tiny white rock.

Weak with desperation he starts crushing this rock. It’s the fourth day without any sleep, his mouth, raw. The only thing that went in his mouth during this time was copious amounts of alcohol and the ends of a tie that chocked his arm to find any remaining veins.

While shaking violently, he manages to roll a note and starts sniffing the crushed rock through this note. It was chalk.

The boy curls into a ball, pulling his knees as close to his chin as possible. “I can’t do this anymore!”

“God, please help me!” Whispered so softly, he could barely hear the desperation in his own voice.

The disease of addiction affects millions of people around the world. People around you are affected by these issues, not just those people, but those around them, co-workers, friends and if they are lucky to still have any left, their family. The harshest reality is that, most of us are to scared to confront these issues or simply choose to ignore the issue, in hopes that it may go away..

He was bullied and constantly mocked by kids in school, it was also at this age that he learned to wash and iron his own clothes. He found that in doing so, the chances of him being bullied that day reduced significantly. His journey with addiction started when he was just 13 years old. Being bullied for much of early childhood, he so desperately wanted to feel a sense of belonging, of comfort. He had found that in alcohol. In a very short period of time, he had gained this newfound sense of belonging. It felt amazing. He finally found what he’s been searching for his entire life, he found acceptance.

Numerous events happened in these years. Even more tragic events happened in his earlier years. None of which was being dealt with though, none of which had to be dealt with. Back then, his life became one big party. His tolerance for these substances increased drastically. His values and morals dropped at an even faster pace. Lying, cheating, stealing and having sex with random people he’s known for all of two minutes became the norm. He started gambling. He turned to sex and pornography. In an incredibly short period of time, his addiction progressed from mostly substances to behavioral addictions too.

Drugs and Alcohol were no longer fun. They had now become a means of survival, his sole coping mechanism.

The life he so desperately worked towards achieving slowly started falling away. It didn’t matter who was around anymore, he felt more and more empty. As his addiction progressed, he would often sit alone in his room, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, snorting and injecting. All of life’s traumas he desperately tried running away from started catching up to him. He couldn’t’ handle it. He constantly wanted to feel numb. It just wasn’t working anymore.

February 2017, something happened that would change the course of his life forever. While partying, the boy met up with an elderly man at a local night club, they immediately clicked, both highly inebriated and agreed that they would go back to the man’s house as he still had loads more alcohol and drugs. When the boy got to the house, there were two other guys. He slowly sobered up, knowing that something was very wrong.

He blacked out.

After a few hours, the sun shone brightly and he finally regained consciousness. He laid on the side of the highway, his belt buckle loose and his jean still left open. He knew what happened.

The reality is that until we can reach a point of speaking openly about addiction and all other mental wellness issues, it will remain difficult for people to recovery. It will remain even harder for people to ask for help. Help, before it’s to late

11 February 2017.

He takes a deep breath. Lays his head on the grass and closes his eyes, feeling the whisk of the wind brush against his hair. Simply, reflecting.

I then look up at the sky, as tears of hope flood my face and softly whisper:

“Thank you”

 

This was a guest post – for more information on the author, Brady, visit his website: Eyes of an addict

The best possible life

happy life photo

 

The best possible life

Don’t compare yourself to others

Don’t care about what others think

Be yourself

Enjoy the present moment

Revel in the small things – shared joke with a friend, a walk in the park…

Make time to play

Have a sense of humour – laugh a lot

Let go of the small things

Don’t take life too seriously

Try new things regularly

Look after yourself – physically, mentally and emotionally

Give love without expecting it back

Make regular time for friends and family

Strive for balance between work and leisure time

Seek out experiences over possessions

Ensure you have goals to works towards and a sense of purpose

When life seems sad and/or bad, try to see the bigger picture

There are many things that contribute towards the best possible life. These may be different for each one of us but there are some enduring aspects of life that we can all get happiness and fulfillment from. For me, living in the moment and trying not to take life too seriously are two that work well for me.

Mandy X

 

 

 

 

Coping with Breakups or any other Emotional Stress

 

emotional stress

Coping with Breakups or any other Emotional Stress

Breakups and emotional stress can be very unsparing. You go crumple yourself up on the bed and cry all day wishing the feeling would end as soon as possible. You crave for a certain kind of security only a person closest to your heart could give and they end up not being on your side when you need them the most. That is the kind of emotion that breakups daunt on us. It marks us with painful experiences that shackle what is left in our system. After all, we have believed the promises and delights of a love shared with someone but ended up splitting with them from an array of reasons.

We crave food and other things under emotional stress. Perhaps we get pistachio ice cream and watch movies while crying but there is consolation in that. We walk our dogs on the park and have a breath of fresh air. A visit or a chat with spiritual advisors can be a good experience especially if we believe these things could help alleviate our current feelings. These are things that we could possibly do in order to cope with breakups and while we are not saying that these are not good or ineffective, these are short-term actions to help us be better individuals who have learned from our experiences on love and life. On the other hand, there are various reasons and actions to live by and help us to stay happy and stimulated with future endeavors and our experience of love in the long run.

Focus

Staying focused is one way of helping us reach our very best especially in times of great distress and heartbreaks. Think of the very things that make you happy, focus and be better on that. It can be your hobbies, talents and even your present careers in life. This is very helpful especially on people who are confused on the things that matter most and when they doubt on themselves and the things they can and cannot accomplish whilst under such experience of emotional ache and affliction. Stay grounded on the things that one needs to concentrate more in order to uplift one’s personal view of the life and every events ahead. Focus not on the mere things that lacks attention but also remind oneself to improve from other things you focused upon during the past.

Goals

Know your goals at present and the goals you need to pursue in the future. These are as important as your time and the actions you take in order to be the best version of yourself. Also, if you mind keeping a list then it’s not actually a painful work to do. Manage your time for the sake of goals to be done and always set the pace for works and actions to ensure vitality and energy in everything not only on your career but also on your family and relationships to other people. Admire every effort that other people input in your life in turn making your goals achievable in the most efficient process. Celebrate your achievements and never settle for your loss. You can always be better in every single day!

Growth

Always be reminded that heartbreaks does not mean measuring your tolerance for emotional pain. Be brave to accept your weakness and braver to overcome and champion these bad assets. Grow in harmony to your will and the life you want to live therefore do not ask for the presence of someone to validate your individuality. Choose your own happiness and grow from all of circumstances in life however bad or good they are. Never measure your growth on tangible things but develop on the things that could not be seen by the human eye especially traits, values, inner peace and the ability to conquer every obstacle that one faces. Also, think on growing and developing for yourself rather than for others because this can only be one of the greatest things that human lives could ever learn from love and life and everything in between.

growth and passion

Passion

Continue being passionate about everything you admire and do not underestimate your own self for your own survival from heartbreaks and other various emotional stress humankind is experiencing. Being passionate is understanding one’s capability to love despite of the many experiences and events that have happened in the past and is continuing to shape our present. Passion is everything you need to remember yourself when you feel like not wanting to fall in love with someone in the future. You can be passionate on keeping your various relationships with other people but do not seclude yourself from falling in love all over again. After all, what matters most is the passion to continue living without the thought of all the people that left and the circumstances that brought to heartbreaks and other stresses in life.

Hope

Hope is when you believe that there is still goodness in everything how much they have made you different from your past self. Change can only either be good or bad and always strive and hope for the former. Do not hope for the tragedy of others but hope on the better experiences of people surrounding your life. Cherish every moment with them and learn to respect and value their presence in the most challenging and saddening times. One cannot cope up fully from distress if he or she shall not learn the importance of hope besides we can only hope for the better future and the better individuals we could ever be!

These are not ultimatums or ultimate tips or the greatest breakup guides you could ever found but just simple things and reminders to believe that there is always a reason to survive breakups and other emotional stresses. There is always a reason to live life and be invigorated by its many bumps and dirty tracks but most importantly learn and know how to deal with these to know that you are on the right track on the way home to realizations.

Images by Victor Ilunga and Pixabay under Public Domains CC0

Believe in karma

karma

 

Believe in karma

There are times when I seethe at the injustice in the world. When I’m not feeling mentally strong, all the hardships and cruelty in the world can overwhelm me. I never want to stop caring but I also know that if I care too much, I will end up exhausted and very likely, depressed.

Thoughts can get the better of us and that’s why it’s a good idea to practice managing your thoughts and getting them to work for you instead of them controlling you.

I have a few tips to help me cope with upsetting thoughts and distressing events that I have learned along the way and want to share them with you:

Believe in karma

Believe that there is a higher power at work that somehow keeps the world in balance. You may not see all that it does but it is there, silently working in the background to restore order. Whether this is true or not is irrelevant – the beauty of this is that if I believe it, it makes me feel a whole lot better. This is one story I tell myself. Don’t think for one minute though that telling myself this ‘story’ absolves me of any responsibility to do anything against cruelty and injustice. I regularly donate to charities and would always step in directly where I could. This story helps me stay sane. I attended a seminar a few years back and the speaker was advocating similar stuff. He said that sometimes you need to tweak reality a bit and if it works for you and improves your quality of life – go for it. Like believing you are beautiful/handsome even if you aren’t. Sometimes thinking leads to self fulfilling prophecies. If we believe we are attractive, we act differently and this changes the dynamic with others and they too, see you as more attractive. When we believe something, we automatically look for evidence to support the belief – this is how self fulfilling prophecies work. If I believe karma is at work, I pick up on stories in the media, magazine articles and so on showing me that restorative justice works. See – it’s all good!

Whichever way you choose to look at it, it’s not a bad thing tweaking reality and I am talking about tweaking reality, not massive editing or anything – like believing you can fly. Hopefully you get the picture. When there is no obvious evidence to the contrary, make up a story that works for you…it works for me!

Mandy X

Secrets of wise people

 

wisdom

Secrets of wise people

You can’t control life

Make the most of what you have rather than focusing on what you don’t have

Make the most of the present moment – don’t live in the future

Grab on to love when it emerges – don’t put up barriers

Put people and experiences ahead of possessions

Life is finite, don’t live as if you have forever

Don’t judge others as you can equally be judged

Be open minded to different ideas and approaches to life

Always be willing to learn new things

Show compassion to others

 

Mandy X