Be kind to yourself

 

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Be kind to yourself

Why is it that we tend to give other people more slack than we do ourselves? I know that I do it and I see it during my therapy sessions with numerous clients. They are willing to tolerate behaviour and characteristics in other people that they would never allow themselves to do. I recently saw a client who feels that it is weak to talk about his problems and often tells himself he needs to “man up”. Yet, he can also sit there and tell me how he listened to a male friend tell him about his problems and my client was quite happy to listen and try to support and motivate his friend. So why the double standards?

Why don’t we show ourselves the same compassion that we give to others? There seems to be three types of people:

Imagine that you get on a bus and the ride is very smooth and the journey not too bumpy but at the first stop, some people get off. After that first stop the ride gets even more bumpy and you are being pushed up against the side of the bus- getting a few scrapes and bruises in the process. The ride is becoming pretty uncomfortable. At the second stop, many more people get off. Then there is the third lot of people, the ride is unbearable now and people are being thrown from side to side and getting seriously hurt. This third group of people have the lowest self esteem in life and take too much abuse. The first lot can’t cope with any stress and the second group have the healthiest self esteem – they know when they need to leave a situation that is hurting them.

Which group would you put yourself in? I saw a therapist many years ago who told me I was in that third group and I work harder now to realise when I am not being kind to myself and I am trying too hard to please others. Know your limits and know what you will and won’t put up with in life. Show yourself compassion and treat yourself the same way you would treat a friend or a dearly loved person in your life. When you treat yourself with dignity and respect, others do too and your confidence will grow.

Mandy X

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