Category Archives: mental health

Give Depression the Bird

depression photo

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Give Depression the Bird

Let’s get one thing straight. Depression is real. It is not something to be trivialized, snapped out of, or sucked up. In fact, trying to do this often makes it worse. I know, because I’ve been there. I would have loved to have been able to give myself a shake and a rueful smile and reset my mind. Wouldn’t it be great if you could just instantly be happy? Like those heat packs you snap, shake and they heat up? Super cool. And totally ridiculous.

Depression appears in many ways, shapes and forms, and no two people get it exactly the same. Not only does this make it hard to treat, it makes it hard for people to understand. It can’t be put in a box like other illnesses and diseases. There are symptoms, but responses to those symptoms vary. It isn’t a disease, so medication doesn’t work as well as we wished it would, although it does work well for a lot of people.

Not only is depression very real, but it is incredibly misunderstood, and surrounded by an almost palpable stigma. People who have depression are labelled. Crazy, lazy, not trying hard enough, weak. It doesn’t matter if the people wielding these words are trying to help or not, they are all labels, and they are stopping people reaching out for the help they need.

The very way we think about, and react to depression needs to change. And it needs to change fast!

When you think of depression what picture springs to mind? I see a girl curled into a foetal position in a darkened room, sobbing. And this picture is what I thought people with depression did all the time. I was so incredibly wrong.

Last year my husband gave me an ultimatum. Be happier or go and talk to someone. And by someone he meant one of those freaky head shrinking people…

I know that sounds harsh, but he was trying to make me see what he did. You see, up until that point I was convinced I was fine. Tired, but fine. I wasn’t crazy. And I couldn’t have depression! Everything I knew about depression said you had to be constantly sad, crying on the sofa, or suicidal, and I was none of those things. Oh I cried a lot, but more often I was irritable and cranky. (Did you know that was a sign of depression? Me neither)! So the couple of times ‘depression’ crossed my mind I quickly dismissed it.

Was I tired? Absolutely! Sad? Frequently. Did I feel like I wasn’t achieving much even when to others I was doing incredibly well? Only every day. But I wasn’t depressed! Heck no. Depression was for weak people. For people who had suffered massive loss or pain in their lives. For people with a rough childhood, or adulthood. I hadn’t had any of that. I grew up in a loving family. I have an amazing husband and a healthy, happy (albeit very stubborn) child, and I have had a relatively pain free life. And yet the more I looked at it, the more I realised the truth.

I was depressed. And I had been for quite a long time.

During a discussion (on why I couldn’t possibly have depression), my husband told me I seemed to be sad from the minute I woke up, till the minute I went to bed. It took me a while to process that. I couldn’t imagine what living with that must have been like. And that was the moment. Right there. That was the moment I decided I was going to be happy. Whatever it took.

I started researching depression, and working out what made me tick. I found ways to head my bouts of sadness off at the pass, to make sure I focused on my responses to different situations, and how I could react to them differently, and I used any hacks I could to make sure each day I was choosing happiness over sadness.

Scientists have proven that just like paths in a forest, the pathways of the mind can be worn in, the more traffic they get. And when sadness has been your companion for a long time, then those paths of sadness are the well-worn ones. They are straight and wide, and you are comfortable there in an odd way, because it’s familiar. The happiness pathways by contrast, are like little deer tracks. Narrow, precarious, and easy to fall off.

The biggest key to battling depression is to make sure the path that’s getting the most traffic, is happiness. Ever heard the expression ‘fake it till you make it’? Well, that’s how I started. When I woke up, and whenever I thought about it during the day, I smiled. It wasn’t a true smile. I wasn’t happy, and I didn’t want to smile, but smile I did.

Some days I even pushed my mouth upwards with my fingers, all the while wanting to cry. I must have looked as crazy as I felt. But you know what? It got easier. I got better at it. And I started feeling happier.

Your body is a pretty amazing thing. Did you know that every time you smile your brain releases feel good neurotransmitters – dopamine, endorphins and serotonin? Endorphins act as a natural pain reliever, serotonin release brought on by your smile serves as an anti-depressant, and smiling activates the release of neuropeptides that work toward fighting off stress.

Smiling literally makes us happier.

Smiling is one of the most well-known, and easiest to implement, of many ‘happiness hacks’ out there. My books ‘Finding Happy’, ‘Choosing Happy’, and ‘Keeping Happy’, due out mid-2017, will focus on discovering many other hacks, and implementing them in your life. Some are great for people with clinical depression, others are better for people who struggle with sadness, but all the books will be available for free on kindle when they are first published.

I was lucky. Thanks to my amazing husband I was forced to face my sadness before it became the crushing force that so many people have in their lives. I still had the energy (most days), to work on myself, and to focus on choosing better ways. Many people don’t. And this is where medication helps. Because when you can’t move off your bed, can’t shake the feeling of despair and overwhelming sadness, and you think about death far more often than you should, choosing to be happy is just not an option.

Medication provides your mind with enough space to see those fraudulent thoughts for what they are- thoughts not facts, and to look at options to help you heal. It’s not for everyone, and it’s not without its side effects, but it does provide relief from the worst symptoms of depression.

Medication is not the only thing you can try either. There are the talking therapies such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), which is a type of psychology that helps people change unhelpful or unhealthy habits of thinking, feeling and behaving. It is practical and involves self-help strategies. And research suggests that if you do 13 or more sessions it can work just as well as medication for some people. You can even do CBT at home.

Even things like routines and goal setting, eating healthily with lots of omega 3 fatty acids, getting enough sleep, walking in nature, and challenging negative thoughts can help with depression. Exercise (yes the dreaded E word), can even have similar effects on the brain as anti-depressants.

There are so many options out there for anyone suffering from depression or sadness, that sometimes I think just diagnosing depression is the hard part. It certainly took me long enough (5 years I suspect..) and even then it was only my husband intervening that really pushed me to see it- and fight it.

These are some of the main symptoms of depression. How many did you know? Some people get a few, some get them all. Everyone is different. But they are certainly not as cut and dried as I used to think.

• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
• Fatigue and decreased energy
• Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
• Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
• Irritability, restlessness
• Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
• Overeating or appetite loss
• Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
• Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” feelings
• Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts, or self-harm
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions

Beyond Blue says ‘you may be depressed if, for more than two weeks, you’ve felt sad, down or miserable most of the time, or have lost interest or pleasure in usual activities, and have also experienced several of the signs and symptoms listed (on their page).

Depression symptoms can also be caused by conditions such as thyroid disease, vitamin D deficiency, and other medical problems. Make sure your doctor does full blood tests to rule these and many other things, out first.

Recognising I had depression was a turning point in my life. I’m smiling as I write this, and I can see the myriad ways in which I’ve changed over the past year. I choose to laugh when my daughter does something silly instead of scold. I’ve learnt ways to make myself happy on a daily basis-before the sadness and apathy take hold, and I’ve learnt how to block that annoying voice in my head that wishes me anything but the peace and happiness I so desire.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days where I have to remind myself to smile. Where I chant my mantra like an actual crazy person to stop my mind turning over conversations that haven’t happened, and futures that will never be. I still have to think about my reactions, swallow my retorts, and examine my thoughts, to see if I can choose a happier path, but it is getting easier and I am getting better at it all the time.

Because I refuse to live my life in sadness. I refuse to let something as intangible as depression steal my laughter, my dreams and my love of life, and turn them into endless days of melancholy.

I choose to be happy!

And I desperately want you to choose happiness too.

I know life sucks sometimes. There are usually patches where it sucks a lot! But when you’ve had depression or even been ‘down’ for an extended period of time, I think we forget how to focus on, and choose those things that make us happy. We forget to try. Because being happy doesn’t necessarily come naturally, and as spontaneously as people make out. You have to strive for it, search for it, and grab it with both hands when you find it.

But you don’t have to do it alone. If 350 million people worldwide (almost 5% of the worlds population), suffer from depression, how many of those around you do you think may also be silently struggling?

Please, if you, or someone you know is struggling with depression, reach out and talk to someone. There is help out there. And for every person who says #ihavedepression another person will find the strength to seek help. And slowly but surely depression will become just another cold to be cured.

And that’s why I’m writing this post. Even though I’m scared of what people will think. Even though it’s taken me a month to hit publish. Even though I don’t want to be labelled. More than anything, I want to give people the courage to choose happiness for themselves. Someone did it for me, and I hope you can do it for someone you know.

I would love to hear your thoughts on depression (whether you have it or not), as part of research for my upcoming books. Please complete the anonymous survey, and then share it on your Facebook or Twitter page, to help raise awareness, give depression the bird, and #endstigma for good.

If you don’t feel you can talk to friends or family, there are some wonderful organisations who can help – even if you want to remain anonymous. The sites below will give you information on depression, hotlines to ring to speak to people who know what you’re going through, therapist directories, and self-help activities you can do at home.

Hold onto hope. You are not alone, and you can beat this!

This is a guest post written by Heidi Farrelly. You can find out more about her here: Heidi Farrelly

Is your view on life distorted?

 

distorted

Is your view on life distorted?

As a cognitive behavioural therapist (in training currently) and as a counsellor, I am trained to spot distorted versions of reality in my clients. Often, these distorted views create immense anxiety and depression and once these distortions are identified, questioned and altered into more objective and realistic interpretations, clients mood tend to improve.

We all have some distortions, may that we have picked up in childhood. These distortions become so ingrained in how we see ourselves and the world around us that we believe they are valid and accurate.

For example, I had a client who had very low self esteem and this had stemmed from highly critical parents.She had received continuous messages as a child that she was ugly and useless. She had taken these repeated negative messages and internalised them – she began to believe them as see these labels as part of who she was.

In the end, that was all she could see – that she was ugly and worthless. Her view on life was distorted and she had never had a relationship as she believed no one would ever love her as she was. Only once we started to look at the source – how her parents had told her things that weren’t true and that they were merely her parent’s opinions, she began to make progress and build up her self esteem.

Always be aware of your thoughts and remember that some thoughts are completely inaccurate. If some thoughts make you especially unhappy – look at them in more detail. Where do these thoughts come from? Is there any obvious evidence for them? Are they helpful? Probably not. Learn to look at things in a different way, always ask if there is another way to look at something. If you are self critical, ask yourself how this is helpful to you. Basically – it isn’t. Parents can mess up their kids with their thoughtless remarks and create years of misery.

As long as you remember to question your thoughts regularly – especially the negative ones and remember that thoughts aren’t facts, you are on the right path. Our thoughts can create heaven or hell for us – use them carefully.

Mandy X

 

Tips on how to get the most therapeutic value out of psychological therapy

 

Counselling-session2

Tips on how to get the most therapeutic value out of psychological therapy

You are emotionally struggling – weighed down by different feelings or profound sadness/anxiety/hopelessness.. you might have been going through a number of things that life threw at you from left, right and centre. You might have just realised how sad you have been throughout your whole life. You might have just lost someone, a relationship or a sense of self/achievement/control. And you are thinking about talking to a stranger all about it. Perhaps someone said ‘you better go and talk to a professional about it’. Maybe your GP was not happy to prescribe any medication at this point. Maybe you don’t want to take any pills.

As a therapist, I can tell you that it’s not an easy thing at all. You are letting a stranger see your inner self and your life including the parts you don’t want to think about (although not all therapy will result in digging up the past or your deepest darkest secrets). You have to verbalise how you feel, which can be the most daunting thing ever. You have the right to feel nervous and apprehensive, as well as feeling relieved (because a. you have decided to get help, b. there’s actually someone whom you can unload your internal burden without feeling guilty c. Things might change. In a good way. There’s hope.)
So, it is really, really important that you get into the right type of therapy and you get the most out of it. Based on my 8 years of experience in mental health service, I thought these tips might be helpful for people who are in need of and considering accessing psychological therapy.

1. Do tell your GP how you feel and how you might need emotional support/psychological therapy from a professional. GP may not know about all types of therapy but can point you in the right direction.

2. Not all therapy is ‘counselling’. If you say you need counselling, GP might only give you option for counselling. There are Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), psychodynamic therapy, systemic therapy…a variety types of therapy. Bear in mind, though, CBT is the evidence-based therapy recommended for various mood disorders (depression, anxiety, panic, PTSD, OCD, phobia all included) by the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence. You can do a little research on different types of psychological therapy.

3. You do need an assessment if you are unsure what type of therapy would be most helpful for what you are going through right now. Accessing your local IAPT service can help you with this. Their assessment will determine whether you would benefit from short-term treatment like CBT or you require more long-term/holistic treatment.

4. It really helps if you can think of what you want to achieve from the therapy e.g you want to improve your mood so that you can deal with your life stressors better, you want to reduce fear that’s been really getting in the way in your daily life, you want to resolve your feelings around your childhood. However, sometimes we are so overwhelmed we just can’t think clearly – where to start, what we need, what to focus on first. The person who assesses you might suggest one area to focus on. You might think ‘that’s not gonna be enough’ and feel hopeless/frustrated BUT remember, you need to start somewhere and the assessor is likely to be suggesting something that you can manage with a therapist’s help so try to put aside the uncomfortable feeling and see where it takes you/how it can help you.

5. At times, therapists (especially in NHS) encounter people who ask ‘are you qualified enough? Are you a psychiatrist? How old are you?’. When we are badly injured and our life feels upside down, we wouldn’t ask the consulting doctors and nurses these questions. Therapists need the same level of trust and respect and starting your assessment/therapy with scepticism is not likely to help you with being open and honest during the assessment, which is very important.

6. Just because you are going through 10 different problems, it does not mean that your treatment has to be the most complex, intense one. There are people who say ‘my problem is really complicated, I need to see a psychiatrist only’. If you are experiencing symptoms of psychosis such as visual/auditory hallucination, frequent urges to seriously harm yourself or others, or your paranoia is significantly disabling you, you may require psychiatric assessment and medication, and therefore a psychiatrist. However, try not to jump to conclusions and, again, be open-minded when you discuss your difficulties with your GP and assessor. You may only require a short-term CBT to understand the link between current difficulties and to learn to cope with them with new coping techniques (cognitive and behavioural), for example. Psychological therapy is most often delivered by psychologists and psychological therapists such as CBT therapists, psychological wellbeing practitioners and counsellors who are trained to deliver therapy.

7. Don’t be put off by the word ‘short-term’. It is not belittling your difficulties. Breaking down your difficult emotions and working through them one by one are more likely to have long-term benefit than trying to work on everything at the same time. Think of it this way – you are injured in several different places. Rather than going through a 24-hour surgery which will overwhelm your body and could be more detrimental, you get one treatment for one area, let it heal then move onto the next treatment, so have some gaps in between. You may also find that the first short-term treatment gives you what you need to manage/tackle some of the other difficulties, which can lead to great sense of independence and self efficacy.

8. Often drinking or taking drugs is used to cope with difficult emotions. However, when there’s been this self-medicating going on for some time, it can be difficult for your therapist to get a true picture of your current mental health because large amount and frequent use of alcohol/drug is very likely to have affected your mental health e.g. Exacerbated your anxiety, caused ‘extra’ factors around depression or panic etc. You are likely to be asked to engage with drug and alcohol support service first. This is not rejecting your difficulties or simplifying your difficulties as ‘substance misuse’. It’s not beneficial at all to be stuck in the middle – Therapy trying to pull you up to challenge dysfunctional thoughts while the impact of alcohol/drug is pushing you down to more dysfunctional thoughts and poorer concentration, for example. You will feel stuck, which may lead to further frustration/hopeless feeling/fear/disappointment.

9. Once you start the therapy, imagine that you have a driving instructor sitting next to you. You are still the driver. If you don’t put your foot down on that accelerator, your therapist won’t start the car for you. If you refuse to do that parallel parking although you were given and shown the knowledge and techniques that you require, your therapist will not do it for you. It is not because we refuse to help but because
We are here to help you become an independent driver, not to help you be a passenger.
Therapy is there to empower you, not to take the control away from you.

 

This post was written by an experienced colleague of mine – Scarlett Gallimore. To find out more click on the links below:

Links:

Link for further info

Through the eyes of an addict

 

addict

Through the eyes of an addict

“Oh my God, where is it!”

Kneeling on the floor, scrambling for hopeful misplaced pieces of crystal meth, weed. Damn it, in fact, anything will do right now. Dropping fragments of his dignity as he scavenged for anything, he needed a fix and he needed it badly.

In the corner of his eyes, he spots it, a tiny white rock.

Weak with desperation he starts crushing this rock. It’s the fourth day without any sleep, his mouth, raw. The only thing that went in his mouth during this time was copious amounts of alcohol and the ends of a tie that chocked his arm to find any remaining veins.

While shaking violently, he manages to roll a note and starts sniffing the crushed rock through this note. It was chalk.

The boy curls into a ball, pulling his knees as close to his chin as possible. “I can’t do this anymore!”

“God, please help me!” Whispered so softly, he could barely hear the desperation in his own voice.

The disease of addiction affects millions of people around the world. People around you are affected by these issues, not just those people, but those around them, co-workers, friends and if they are lucky to still have any left, their family. The harshest reality is that, most of us are to scared to confront these issues or simply choose to ignore the issue, in hopes that it may go away..

He was bullied and constantly mocked by kids in school, it was also at this age that he learned to wash and iron his own clothes. He found that in doing so, the chances of him being bullied that day reduced significantly. His journey with addiction started when he was just 13 years old. Being bullied for much of early childhood, he so desperately wanted to feel a sense of belonging, of comfort. He had found that in alcohol. In a very short period of time, he had gained this newfound sense of belonging. It felt amazing. He finally found what he’s been searching for his entire life, he found acceptance.

Numerous events happened in these years. Even more tragic events happened in his earlier years. None of which was being dealt with though, none of which had to be dealt with. Back then, his life became one big party. His tolerance for these substances increased drastically. His values and morals dropped at an even faster pace. Lying, cheating, stealing and having sex with random people he’s known for all of two minutes became the norm. He started gambling. He turned to sex and pornography. In an incredibly short period of time, his addiction progressed from mostly substances to behavioral addictions too.

Drugs and Alcohol were no longer fun. They had now become a means of survival, his sole coping mechanism.

The life he so desperately worked towards achieving slowly started falling away. It didn’t matter who was around anymore, he felt more and more empty. As his addiction progressed, he would often sit alone in his room, drinking copious amounts of alcohol, snorting and injecting. All of life’s traumas he desperately tried running away from started catching up to him. He couldn’t’ handle it. He constantly wanted to feel numb. It just wasn’t working anymore.

February 2017, something happened that would change the course of his life forever. While partying, the boy met up with an elderly man at a local night club, they immediately clicked, both highly inebriated and agreed that they would go back to the man’s house as he still had loads more alcohol and drugs. When the boy got to the house, there were two other guys. He slowly sobered up, knowing that something was very wrong.

He blacked out.

After a few hours, the sun shone brightly and he finally regained consciousness. He laid on the side of the highway, his belt buckle loose and his jean still left open. He knew what happened.

The reality is that until we can reach a point of speaking openly about addiction and all other mental wellness issues, it will remain difficult for people to recovery. It will remain even harder for people to ask for help. Help, before it’s to late

11 February 2017.

He takes a deep breath. Lays his head on the grass and closes his eyes, feeling the whisk of the wind brush against his hair. Simply, reflecting.

I then look up at the sky, as tears of hope flood my face and softly whisper:

“Thank you”

 

This was a guest post – for more information on the author, Brady, visit his website: Eyes of an addict

Is my thinking normal?

 

person thinking photo

Is my thinking normal?

This is a question we all ask ourselves at times. I know I have had moments where I have questioned my sanity and wondered if I have completely lost the plot. This is usually as a result of some overwhelming emotional experience. I find when emotions are involved, my thoughts tend to be far less rational.

If you would like to test out your thoughts, try the Dysfunctional Attitudes Scale:

This questionnaire lists different attitudes or beliefs which people sometimes hold. Read each statement carefully and decide how much you agree or disagree with the statement. For each of the attitudes, indicate to the left of the item the number that best describes how you think. Be sure to choose only one answer for each attitude. Because people are different, there is no right answer or wrong answer to these statements.

To decide whether a given attitude is typical of your way of looking at things, simply keep in mind what you are like most of the time.

1 = Totally agree 2 = Agree very much 3 = Agree slightly 4 = Neutral 5 = Disagree slightly 6 = Disagree very much 7 = Totally disagree _____

1. It is difficult to be happy unless one is good looking, intelligent, rich, and creative. _____

2. Happiness is more a matter of my attitude towards myself than the way other people feel about me. _____

3. People will probably think less of me if I make a mistake. _____

4. If I do not do well all the time, people will not respect me. _____

5. Taking even a small risk is foolish because the loss is likely to be a disaster. _____

6. It is possible to gain another person’s respect without being especially talented at anything. _____

7. I cannot be happy unless most people I know admire me. _____

8. If a person asks for help, it is a sign of weakness. _____

9. If I do not do as well as other people, it means I am a weak person. _____

10. If I fail at my work, then I am a failure as a person. _____

11. If you cannot do something well, there is little point in doing it at all. _____

12. Making mistakes is fine because I can learn from them. _____

13. If someone disagrees with me, it probably indicates he does not like me. _____

14. If I fail partly, it is as bad as being a complete failure. _____

15. If other people know what you are really like, they will think less of you. _____

16. I am nothing if a person I love doesn’t love me. _____

17. One can get pleasure from an activity regardless of the end result _____

18. People should have a chance to succeed before doing anything. Revised date (4 October 2006) 56 _____

19. My value as a person depends greatly on what others think of me. _____

20. If I don’t set the highest standards for myself, I am likely to end up a second-rate person. _____

21. If I am to be a worthwhile person, I must be the best in at least one way. _____

22. People who have good ideas are better than those who do not. _____

23. I should be upset if I make a mistake. _____

24. My own opinions of myself are more important than others’ opinions of me. _____

25. To be a good, moral, worthwhile person I must help everyone who needs it. _____

26. If I ask a question, it makes me look stupid. _____

27. It is awful to be put down by people important to you. _____

28. If you don’t have other people to lean on, you are going to be sad. _____

29. I can reach important goals without pushing myself. _____

30. It is possible for a person to be scolded and not get upset. _____

31. I cannot trust other people because they might be cruel to me. _____

32. If others dislike you, you cannot be happy. _____

33. It is best to give up your own interests in order to please other people. _____

34. My happiness depends more on other people than it does on me. _____

35. I do not need the approval of other people in order to be happy. _____

36. If a person avoids problems, the problems tend to go away. _____

37. I can be happy even if I miss out on many of the good things in life. _____

38. What other people think about me is very important. _____

39. Being alone leads to unhappiness. _____

40. I can find happiness without being loved by another person._______

Dysfunctional Attitude Scale (DAS)    Author: Arlene Weissman

The DAS is a 40-item questionnaire that is designed to identify and measure cognitive distortions (irrational thinking), particularly distortions that may relate to or cause depression.

The items contained on the DAS are based on Beck’s cognitive therapy model and present 7 major value systems: Approval, Love, Achievement, Perfectionism, Entitlement, Omnipotence, and Autonomy.

Scoring: Any items that are missing, assign a zero. To obtain the overall score, simply add the score on all items (ranging from 1 to 7). When no items are omitted, scores on the DAS range from 40 to 280. Lower scores represent more adaptive beliefs and fewer cognitive distortions.

The higher your score, the more likely it is that your thinking is working against you and creating anxiety and depression. Be more aware of your thoughts and get into the habit of challenging their validity. Not every thought we think is true or is valid.

Mandy X

 

 

 

Personal affirmations to counteract stress

 

confident

Personal affirmations to counteract stress

I created a personal mantra to help focus my mind when I am feeling vulnerable or overwhelmed by stress. It helps to remind me that it is possible to counteract stress by regularly ‘feeding’ myself a positive inner dialogue. I call it my 4R Mantra and I’d like to share it with you…

Resourceful – I am resourceful

The first “R” is for resourceful. I remind myself that I am good at finding a way around things. Whether it means finding out more information or by finding support from the right people, I believe that I can find these resources if I need them. The idea of being resourceful is a powerful one as it suggests that if I do not have the skills or knowledge to fix a problem, I will find someone or something to help.

See yourself as resourceful and believe that you will somehow find a way. Always believe that help is at hand. The next thing I need to work on is asking for help – still working on that one!

Resilient – I am resilient

I like to remind myself that I am resilient and in times of trouble, I like to  remind myself of the tough times I have already been through. I am still here – I have lived through tough times and have lived to tell the tale. Remind yourself regularly of how you have overcome problems in the past to reinforce that you will cope better than you think you will.

Ready – I am ready

I sometimes say to myself “Bring it on”. I don’t like stress and I hate feeling anxious but I accept that it will always be something that will enter into my life in various forms. Whether it’s through a tricky relationship or a challenge at work, I like to feel that I am ready for it. I try not to tell myself that I will be happy when….I can be happy now. I am ready now for the good and the bad. When you tell yourself you are ready it takes the fear away. You are prepared. When you don’t feel ready you are sending yourself a message that somehow you need to prepare or that you lack something. You hold the key – nothing is lacking…

Recognition – I recognise my strengths

We tend to be so self critical of ourselves and rarely give ourselves the recognition we deserve. Give yourself a pat on the back for all your triumphs, no matter how small. When you do something that outs you out of your comfort zone, give yourself recognition.

The above steps can help us to counteract stress and improve our belief in ourselves. It reminds us that we can and do cope better than we think we will when life is tough and challenging.

Mandy X

 

How to promote emotional wellbeing

 

happiness photo

How to promote emotional well being

Looking after yourself on a physical level is important if you want to keep your mind healthy and protect your emotional well being. The body and the mind are closely linked and both need to be working well and be looked after in order for a person to function well. An unhealthy body won’t help promote a healthy mind.

Think of the acronym “PLEASE” to help you remember important aspects of this connection:

PL           Treat Physical Illness

E              Eat healthy

A              Avoid mood altering drugs

S              Sleep well

E               Exercise

FOCUS

Monitor what you focus on. Humans tend to focus more on what isn’t going right instead of looking at what is working.If you hear ten compliments and one criticism, you’ll probably focus on the criticism. Work on having an attitude of gratitude and appreciation.

Watch your thinking and let the negative thoughts float by. Thoughts will keep coming, you don’t have to focus on each one. Pick out the helpful ones and dismiss the negative ones. Self limiting beliefs can be detrimental to emotional well being.

OPPOSITE ACTION

Do the opposite of what you normally do. What we resist persists. If you normally get angry and shout, try walking away or whisper instead of yelling. Try force a smile. If you normally avoid people when you feel down, force yourself to call a friend or visit someone.

Doing the opposite can help you to change your emotion.

CHECK THE FACTS

Are there times in your life when you have overreacted or where you have assumed something and been wrong? Always check the facts – thoughts are not facts. Looking for evidence can reduce the intensity of emotions. Ask yourself what triggered your emotion? What interpretations and assumptions are you making? Does your emotion and its intensity match the facts of the situation?

Always stop and take time out before reacting to something, especially if your emotions are running high. A little bit of time is always a good way to add perspective to a situation.

Mandy X

 

 

Accept anxiety as a part of life

 

accept anxiety

Accept anxiety as a part of life

Anxiety is a part of life unfortunately, yet we all furiously engage in behaviours to try avoid anxiety as much as possible. When you accept anxiety as a part of life it actually becomes easier to manage.

If you are not willing to experience anxiety, you will definitely have anxiety!

When you accept anxiety as something that will always be there, you can then learn ways to deal with it more effectively. Anxiety can be managed but it can’t be removed completely.

Anxiety is caused by two things:

  1. The fact that we overestimate the threat. This could be fear of rejection, humiliation or failure. It could also be fear of losing someone or experiencing shame. There are numerous triggers around us and the more we try to avoid them, the more anxious we become.
  2. The fact that we underestimate our ability to cope. We often cope far better than we anticipate bit the more we avoid situations that might cause anxiety, the fewer opportunities we have to test out our beliefs.

Tips for managing anxiety

Know the difference between a real problem (the car has broken down) and a hypothetical problem. This is a “what if” problem that might never happen. Learn to spend less time agonising over “what if” type problems. Find a solution if possible but then ‘mentally shelve’ the worry.

Don’t spend time overthinking. If you can do something that is solution focused to help towards solving the problem/worry, do it. If you can’t, learn to distract yourself. Count backwards from 100 or do something else but don’t waste mental energy by allowing a problem to go round and round in your mind.

Learn to let thoughts pass without focusing on them. We have between 40 000 – 60 000 thoughts per day. Visualise thoughts as leaves flowing on a river, let the ones that aren’t useful pass by. It is possible to learn to focus your attention on the thoughts that are helpful rather than unhelpful. Examples of unhelpful thoughts: I will never be able to cope. I am useless. It will never work etc

If you really cannot focus elsewhere, try implementing ‘worry time’ Give yourself 30 minutes per day to worry and for the rest of the day, do your best to distract yourself and keep busy.

Ask yourself: what would I tell a friend in this situation? Am I exaggerating the threat? Is there another way to look at this that makes me feel less anxious? (there is always another way to look at something).

Learn mindfulness – be in the moment more rather than living in your head. TO bring yourself back to the present moment, try this:

Look for 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can touch, 1 thing you can taste. The more you engage your 5 senses, the less time your brain has to wander off to your worries.

Anxiety is the body’s way of telling us we are in danger but often the body sends us false alarms. We may feel physical sensations related to anxiety – sweaty palms, heart palpitations etc but tell yourself quietly that you are safe and that you are not in danger.

Try deep breathing to calm yourself and tell yourself “this will pass”.

Make anxiety your friend as much as possible. See it as an early warning system that can prepare you and make you ready for action.

Mandy X