A Championship Is Given To Those Who Gift The Most, Not Those With The Most Gifts

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A Championship Is Given To Those Who Gift The Most, Not Those With The Most Gifts

I recently listened to a podcast by Tony Robbins in which he takes the listeners back to when he was 29 years old. During this time, Tony was on his meteoric rise to becoming the most renowned life coach in history and as a by-product of this he had the opportunity to interview some of the greatest minds on our planet.

In this particular interview he sat down with one of the best coaches in the history of sports. Admittedly, I didn’t know too much about this particular coach. What I did know however, is that a Tony Robbins interview takes the listener on an emotional ride that encompasses all aspects of life. With this knowledge in hand, I prepared myself for the next 2 hours.

Questions

As the interview began I wondered if it would be worthy of my time. I hoped that it would touch on all the things that I deem important: life, love, and happiness. Above that, I remained optimistic that the interview would answer some of my most burning questions.

* What makes a champion?

* What unit of measure determines a champion?

* Is it how many games they win?

* The legacy they leave behind?

* Is a champion even measureable or is it an abstract idea?

I listened intently to the entire interview clinging on to every word as if it was the last words I would ever hear. The two of them discussed success, happiness, love, purpose, and so much more. The way they interacted with one another was similar to the way that a father and son would interact. It was apparent that Tony had a deep seeded respect for the coach and as he talked, the two of us received an education not found in books.

At the conclusion of the interview a flurry of feelings took over my mind and body. I became happy, sad, excited, surprised and humbled by what I had learned.

New success

By the end it was apparent that the reason this coach was so successful in life and his career wasn’t because he was better at the sports he taught or that he had the best players in the world coming to play for him. This coach was so successful because his players respected him on a very deep level. They valued his wisdom, beliefs and most importantly, the way in which he treated them.

If I were to be honest, at first I had a hard time understanding all that I had learned. How could a team become a champion based on wisdom, beliefs, and how they are treated? I was always taught that a team wins because of the physical and mental gifts they are given.

It took me the better part of a week to come to an understanding of how this was so. As I learned, it first begins with how you define your version of winning. For most people, not all but most, it begins and ends with the aforementioned “gifts” and then naturally progresses into the things that they can purchase as a result of the gifts.

The coach believed this to be untrue. I tend to agree.

The success of a person’s is not calculated by the possessions they own. The success of a person is calculated by the amount of people they help and the legacy that they leave.

Formula

Listening to the coach made it very obvious that what a person is capable of or what they do with their lives is a direct result of what they are taught. It is these teachings that create the formula for a championship calibre life.

Don’t be mistaken this formula is not enough by itself. In order for a life to be of championship calibre, the offered teachings must be accepted and implemented by the student. The coach knew and understood this. He affirms this by telling Tony that his own personal success is not measured by the multiple championships he has won but rather by the players who grew up to become difference makers in the world. When asked if someone would go on to be successful after they left his program, he would always respond the same way, “I won’t know for at least 20 years”.

Throughout his life, he carried around seven ideologies that his father passed down to him. These seven things became the foundation that he built his life around.

1. Be true to yourself

2. Make each day your masterpiece

3. Help others

4. Drink deeply from good books

5. Make friendship a fine art

6. Build a shelter against rainy days

7. Pray for guidance, and give thanks for your blessings every day.

I hope after reading each of these seven things you have come to the understanding that each one is no more or less difficult to comprehend, accept, and implement in your life than any of the others. In truth, none of them are an unreasonable standard to live your life by.

Your future

Imagine for a moment your life one, two, or three years into the future. If you implemented just one, what would your life look like? Would it be the exact same as it is now or dramatically different? While I am not a soothsayer, I can venture a guess that it would differ from the way it looks right now.

Now imagine how the lives around you would look? I ask you to do this because it is in this realm of imagination that your life truly has a chance to change. To create profound, lasting change means to affect those around you more than you affect yourself. If it sounds selfless, it’s because it is. Understand that by no means does affecting change in others prevent change in your own life. It is actually the opposite. As you will invariably find out, your personal change will be organically affected as a by-product of the change you affect in others.

It is my hope that in 20 years from now, you are able to look back on the things you are doing right now in you life and attribute your championship to them.

I will leave you with the same way the coach left Tony.

“Not what we give, but what we share, for the gift without the giver is bare.”

James Russell Lowell

This is a guest post by Joel A.Scott. For more info: joelascott

 

 

Life sucks sometimes

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Life sucks sometimes

It’s a fact, life sucks sometimes. People come into your life and steal your heart and then leave just as quickly as they entered.It’s hard to open up again and take the risk of letting someone else in. Should you trust them with your fragile feelings? I guess life is a risk and you can protect yourself forever or you can be brave and try to let love back in again. Life sucks for various reasons not just due to fading relationships.

I am writing this as it is close to my heart and I like to use this blog to write about all sorts of things. My own life serves as inspiration for blog posts, especially when I know there are many others experiencing similar things. I try to use hard times to learn and apply my professional experience to heal. I use this to help others if I can and to support my clients going through similar things. No one is immune to life, no matter how much ‘wisdom’ and/or knowledge you have.

Being rejected for something you have no control over is tough. He loved me until I told him I had health issues and that was that. He hung in but not for too long. Heart break central! His loss…

You have to believe that things happen for a reason. Being philosophical can be a blessing in life. Some things are beyond our control – like the feelings and thoughts of other people.

What needs to happen – focus on yourself, the only thing you can control. Make the most of yourself, never put yourself down and know that you are special whether someone else recognises it or not. Don’t allow your value and self worth to be wrapped up in the validation from others. Easier said than done but work on loving who you are. Someone who doesn’t want to be with you doesn’t deserve you in the first place. A broken relationship leaves you free to find the person who will love you, warts and all.

Well, that’s what I tell myself and it seems to work most of the time! Life sucks but always remember it won’t (thankfully) stay that way. Visualise yourself in the future, happy and carefree again. Each day, every second – you are closer to that happier place!

Mandy X

Ultimate Relationships

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Ultimate Relationships

Ultimate relationships don’t just happen. They require effort and attention to bring out their best potential. If you would like extra help to take your relationship to the next level, keep on reading…

True fulfillment can only be found in one thing: the emotional power of our personal relationships.

Have you become complacent in your passion? Or, have you resigned to not pursuing romantic partnership at all? Rarely do you see a couple united in both love and attraction, able to sustain their power decade after decade. But, greater passion is possible!

In the Ultimate Relationship, Tony and Sage Robbins share the tools, insights and principles they have created and discovered through their journey, learning together as a couple, and working with people from every walk of life experiencing the same issues. They can help you to figure out where you really are in your relationships, where you want to be and what’s stopping you from having it all.

Just imagine what love coaching through the combined power of Tony and Sage Robbins can do for you — learn a results-oriented approach for attracting your ideal life partner, strengthening your relationship and reignite the passion you and your partner once shared.

Regardless of your past experience or current relationship, the potential for creating something deeper, richer and lasting is within your grasp.

Take action now and experience what’s possible when you transform your beliefs, eliminate your fears and master the fundamental skills necessary to create your ultimate relationship.

Mandy X

Tony’s newest program

Click here to get Tony Robbins’ Ultimate Relationship Program!

Testimonials:

Audrey, 34: I have tried this programme recommended by Mandy and have found it incredible. 100% recommended.

Bryan, 46: This programme is brilliant. I am very impressed and it has helped my wife and I reconnect.

Be your number one fan

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Be your number one fan

If you don’t like and love yourself, you’ll find that others like you less too. It’s an energy thing – we pick up on each other’s vibes and can usually tell how comfortable someone is on their own skin. The more at ease someone is with themselves, the more likeable and charismatic they tend to be. You need to be your number one fan and the way I see it, we don’t have much choice in the matter. Either you find a way to like the ‘you’ you have been given to live with or you don’t. Which one do you think is going to lead to a happier life? Why waste energy not liking yourself?

So, make a choice to get comfy with who you are. Sure we can all improve upon ourselves but work on self acceptance in the meantime. Like who you are and what you see when you look in the mirror.

Live according to your values, only speak positively to yourself and make the most of what you have rather than comparing yourself unfavourably to others. If you can do those three things you will be on the way to living out your full potential. It makes sense to try to be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be and to treat yourself well. Self compassion is underrated. Those that are at peace with themselves tend to emit positive happy energy to others. They don’t keep score and their inner contentment leaves them with no need to project bitterness and hate onto others.

Learn to be your number one fan, you;ll be amazed at how this can transform your attitude and your life.

Mandy X

 

The one sure-fire way to meet dates, guaranteed

 

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The one sure-fire way to meet dates, guaranteed

Description: We detail the one tried-and-true method to guaranteed to land you a perfect date.

Meeting other singles and landing dates is less about finding the perfect place at the perfect time and more about the tried and true cliché: Put. Yourself. Out. There. And we mean that. Set an intention and practice, practice, practice. It will become easier with time, and if you want something, go and get it. In any way, shape or form, make yourself known. What, besides your pride, do you have to lose? Once it is out of the way, a new, confident and authentic you can emerge, and that you knows how to get yourself a date.

Don’t consider yourself to be a social creature? Strip off your fear and be bold.

Break that mold. Go somewhere that’s introvert-friendly, like a coffee shop, with a good book. Get hopped up on caffeine and sit in the cozy chair next to the cute girl reading on the couch. Ask her about the book she’s leafing through. Ask about her her views on the universe. Her favorite music. Be interesting and intelligent. Don’t worry if it doesn’t go anywhere. Consider it your homework. Consider it your networking: meeting people in order to meet other people, and in the process, meeting that lady of your dreams. Being friendly isn’t difficult once you get past that whole big fear of rejection thing.

Go to a bar. Get in enough coffee-shop practice under your belt, so you don’t have to get sloppy drunk before you strike up a conversation because believe me, that won’t work in your favor. Sit next to somebody who looks nice. Is it a lonely old man, and you are a straight guy in your 20s? No matter. Talk about music. Talk about travel. Talk about your grandiose plans for your life. Ask them about theirs. And maybe the cute girl sitting next to that old guy will catch wind and join in your jovial chatter. Maybe tonight will be your night.

Or skip the legal uppers and downers and think of the coolest, most interesting thing you’ve always wanted to learn about but never had the balls. Glass-blowing? Woodworking? Metalsmithing? Foraging for mushrooms? There’s a class for that. You may have to travel forty miles to the closest city to do it, but it will be worth it. Because if it’s the coolest most interesting thing to you, then chances are, you will vibe hard with somebody else in the class who also thinks it’s the coolest most interesting thing. And even if you don’t meet anybody, the next time you settle down next to a girl in a coffee shop, you will get to tell her about that impressive, crazy-cool passion of yours that you’ve recently honed.

Get on the internet. Sign up for a dating site like quickflirt.com. Set up a date with a hottie. And on that date, you will have a wealth of rad experience to draw from. You will be at ease with yourself, great at conversation, and be able to tell her about the insane war stories from the old man sitting next to you at the bar, pimp your interesting skill, and talk about the value of quality coffee. And all that experience, willingness to be vulnerable, and practice will have been worth it.

Mandy X

Thoughts on rebound relationships

 

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Thoughts on rebound relationships

Are rebound relationships a good thing or a bad thing? Can they work? Rational thinking would dictate that it is probably best to leave some space between the end of one relationship and the beginning of a new relationship. My thoughts on rebound relationships are that they can work under some circumstances but there is a higher majority of rebound relationships that don’t work out.

The reason for rebound relationships not working out are varied but the main reason is that the relationship starts in a dysfunctional place. Emotions aren’t neutral and one partner (or both) will be looking to fill a void. In essence they choose someone out of need rather than because they really want the relationship for the right reasons. A sense of urgency develops and needs can be compromised, standards lowered in order to meet urgent emotional voids left by the previous relationship.

When we act on emotional urges we tend to use different parts of our brain (the emotional part – amygdala and hippocampus) and we rationalise in a different way. What may seem a good idea to the emotional brain may not be such a good idea to the rational, healthy mind a few month’s down the line.

Of course, rebound relationships can take away some of the pain of a previous relationship breakup and focus our attention somewhere else. As a counsellor, I have seen people do this, only to end up back in therapy because they haven’t dealt with their underlying issues – looking for another person to fix them rather than them taking the time out to fix themselves and get into a better place emotionally.

It is always a good idea to ‘reset’ your emotional and healthy reasoning mind back to zero, so to speak. With a rebound relationship, nothing is reset and it can be likened to a train starting off from the station without being on the rails properly. A rebound relationship can be a plaster for unresolved trauma and pain.

I know someone who lost his wife eighteen months ago. He hadn’t fully grieved her loss but was emotionally needy and sought out relationships very quickly. He inadvertently wanted his new partners to be similar to his wife and was unable to tolerate differences between their behaviour and his ex-wife’s behaviour. A clear sign that he was not fully over the loss. No one can take the place of another and only by resetting our emotional state (by self exploration and some time out) can we be ready to accept a new person – good and bad.

Rebound relationships can however help someone to move on quicker, perhaps not necessarily in the healthiest way but it can speed up the length of time that one feels heartache. There will always be a danger though that the emotional connection in the rebound realtionship is damaged due to all the emotional baggage that has come into the relationship. Emotional detachment may exist. Comparisons tend to be stronger between the current partner and ex partner in rebound relationships and thinking and emotions may be distorted.

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Where possible, get the train ‘back on the tracks’ in the station before leaving again for a new destination. Some people can do this fairly quickly and enter into a new relationship with robust stability. Each situation is different but the most important aspect is to work at feeling stable emotionally before starting something new.

Mandy X

 

 

How to increase self belief

 

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How to increase self belief

If you want to know how to increase self belief – listen up. This may be the most important information you’ll ever read. I have accomplished so much more in my life by working on my self belief. It’s a constant effort and I have to work on it daily but the results are worth it. Here are my top tips on how to become your own number one fan:

Understand that if you don’t believe in yourself, very few other people will. When you give off confidence and self acceptance, others don’t tend to question this. In fact, they will be more drawn to you. Confident people make others feel safe and they act as magnets socially. People like confidence. They won’t question your right to be so confident – they will just see someone who really seems to like themselves and that’s immensely attractive.

There are many things in life that can decrease our self belief and that is why it is a repetitive effort to keep the self belief alive. Social media, like Facebook and Instagram don’t help self belief at all. The more we think we are missing out and don’t have much as others, the more unhappy we become and the less self belief we have. Beware the perils of spending too much time on social media. If you do – remember that a lot of what you see is exaggerated and isn’t reality. Others put on a ‘show’ but real life is seldom as glamorous as they’d like you to believe.

Practise gratitude

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, make sure you look at what is good in your life. There are always things to be grateful for but the way the world is structured leads us to constantly compare. Making comparisons inevitably leads to a sense of deprivation and feelings of inadequacy. Stop doing it! Be appreciative of what you do have and what works well for you. Focus on this regularly and if necessary – make a list that you can read regularly of all the things you love and appreciate in yourself and your life.

Validate yourself

We all like external validation. When others tell us we look great or that we have done a good job, it’s very satisfying. The trick is to NEVER rely on this external validation as a way to increase self belief. Make sure that you give yourself validation. Regularly talk to yourself in a positive and empowering manner. Tell yourself that you are wonderful and amazing. Focus often on all your fantastic characteristics – are you funny, kind, patient? Remind yourself of all your good qualities. Clients often (mistakenly) tell me that they think this is arrogance. Arrogance is thinking you are better than others. Confidence is liking and accepting yourself and making the best of you.

Maximise strengths, minimise weaknesses

No one is perfect and we can’t be good at everything. Get to know yourself well and know what you are good at. Work to increase your strengths and use them in your life. There is not point in doing something that exposes all your weaknesses and none of your strengths. Play to your strengths and remind yourself of all the good things you have achieved in your life. What have your successes been?

Positive attitude to failure

Never see yourself as a failure. Perhaps something you have done didn’t work out but always separate actions from yourself as a person – they are two different things. Define failure – to me, failure is completely giving up. Someone who tries and fails one hundred times is not a failure – they are a learner of life.

Keep the faith

There have been seriously dark times for me when I have felt rejected and feel I have failed at life. Times of extreme loneliness when I felt that I was worthless. This is normal and you can’t possibly feel 100% confident all of the time. What you need to do though during the dark times of self doubt is sit tight and keep the faith. Remind yourself that you are still the same amazing person and although you don’t quite feel connected to that confident part of you – it’s still there.

Life will move on and your light will shine again. Never stop believing in yourself even when you feel the world has. Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Choose your thoughts carefully and be kind to yourself.

Practise self compassion

Always always be kind to yourself. That means – no critical self talk. Be caring towards yourself as you would someone you loved dearly. Imagine yourself as that cute little 5 year old child – how would you talk to your 5 year old self? You would cuddle them and tell them things will improve. You would encourage them and tell them they are brilliant.

Create goals

Make sure you have some goals, something to work towards. When we have goals in place it creates structure and purpose in our lives and helps boost us psychologically. Put together a list of goals for yourself that are:

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Measurable and time bound (SMART goals)

When you have self belief you are far more likely to be successful. Your thinking will spur you on. Research has proven time and time again that when we are positive and focus on our strengths and nurture our self belief, we get more done. Believing is half the battle!

Mandy X

 

 

 

Why can’t I stay single?

 

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Why can’t I stay single?

Many clients ask me the question, “Why can’t I stay single?”. The moment a relationship ends they are looking for someone new to replace their old love. What is that all about?

There are many reasons for people constantly pursuing relationships. I have listed a few possible reasons:

A loveless childhood

Some people experience a lack of love as a child and this can create a long lasting neediness. As an adult, they will constantly be searching for that love that they didn’t receive when they were younger. They are always looking to fill the void. As they never received the solid foundation of care and love when they were children, it can create a chemical imbalance, the brain develops differently and there may even be a long lasting biological aspect to this overwhelming need to never be single. These people feel unsafe and unprotected without the love of another person.

Love addiction or relationship addiction

Love addicts crave love obsessively. Their reasons for craving love may stem from a loveless childhood but they are less discerning about their partner. They will settle for whomever is willing to be in a relationship with them. Somehow, along the way, they have developed beliefs that they are inadequate on their own and that they cannot cope alone. These core beliefs lead them to seek out a partner and be in a relationship at all costs. Unfortunately, due to their distorted ideas about themselves and their limited thinking about their ability to cope, they never manage to feel satisfied, even when in a relationship.

They are needy, they can be manipulative and can often be co-dependent as well.

Co-dependency

Co-dependency exists when one partner is excessively dependent upon their partner for emotional support. It is a dysfunctional ‘helping’ relationship that is often one-sided (they do all the giving and their partner does all the taking) and emotionally destructive. People with low self esteem and poor boundaries often have co-dependent relationships. They enjoy taking care of their partner as it gives them a sense of control and security.

Low confidence and low self esteem

People with low confidence and self esteem don’t feel good about themselves and need a partner to bolster their confidence. Due to their low confidence they often stay in relationships that are unhappy as they fear being alone too much. They can end up feeling trapped.

There are many reasons for people staying in relationships and avoiding being single at all costs. As previously mentioned, this can be due to neglect as a child (often the case) and/or faulty assumptions about their abilities to cope as a single person as well as dysfunctional beliefs about what a relationship offers. Ultimately, we all want to be loved and be with someone but being single is not at all inferior to being in a relationship. Many people hold attitudes that being single suggests there is something wrong with them. This is only a thought – not a fact. It is also a thought that can be challenged and changed as it is irrational.

If you tend to resist being single, you probably need to be single for a few months just to show yourself that you can actually do it. You will probably learn more about yourself in that time and be in a better place for a relationship. Being single can be freeing and a great opportunity for personal development.

Mandy X