Category Archives: self improvement

Ways to learn more about ourselves and reach our true potential

How to value yourself

 

loving photo

How to value yourself

If you don’t value yourself, no one else will. Teach others how to treat you by showing them that you respect and value yourself.

Maintain boundaries regarding acceptable behaviour from others

Be clear about what you will and won’t accept from others. I grew up witnessing domestic violence and that is one boundary that is crystal clear to me. If a partner ever hit me I would not stick around a minute longer. I have seen the pattern of violence and then the regrets, apologies and gifts as well as the promises that it will never happen again. And it does happen again. Make sure you know what is acceptable to you and value yourself by sticking to those principles.

Give yourself positive self regard

Self love is just as valid and valuable as love from others. Talk to yourself as you would a best friend. Use positive language and never criticise yourself. “I am useless” is not an option, try this instead, “I may not always feel good about myself but that does not mean I am worthless” or “I have been rejected but that is down to a lack of compatibility, not due to my value as a person”. You owe it to yourself to be your number one fan.

Embrace fear

Fear does not always mean there is danger. Often it is the perception of the threat that causes fear rather than the threat itself. If we fear rejection, we may avoid relationships but the threat never gets challenged and remains ever large and scary. Learn to approach what you fear and discover your capacity to cope. You will do much better than you think you will. We tend to overestimate threat and underestimate out ability to cope. Get out there, feel the fear and do it anyway.

Allow yourself to have fun and be selfish

We are conditioned to say “please” and “thanks you” and to please others and fit in, in society. When we do pamper ourselves, we automatically feel guilty. Give yourself permission to be selfish. Life isn’t all about pleasing others, it’s also about pleasing yourself.

Decide who you are – your definition

No one can make you inferior without your consent. Decide who you are and don’t allow others to define you. They will certainly try but you never ever have to accept another person’s version of you. Stick to the one you have created for yourself. This strong inner sense of self will help you get through life when others try to belittle you or make you feel unworthy.

Keep positive affirmations in your head to remind you of what you stand for. How do you see yourself? This is the most important image, not the one other’s try foist upon you. You are equal to others, no one is superior.

Value yourself, protect yourself and ensure that others treat you well. You deserve love and respect and you also deserve a good quality of life. Don’t give in to the pressure from others to be what they want you to be. Value yourself – this is your choice.

Mandy X

 

Do what’s in your heart

 

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Photo by GU / 古天熱

Do what’s in your heart

Inner wisdom is so underrated. When you do what’s in your heart and you follow your instinct, amazing things happen. The thing is, we tend to ignore that wise inner voice that is trying to tell us something. That gut feel nudges us to do something or to refrain yet we carry on regardless.

When you do what’s in your heart, you are more likely to experience a positive outcome than if you ignore what’s in your heart. I have taken note over the past few years of this theory and have found from my own personal experience that when I tune in to my instincts, it usually guides me in the right direction.

 

 

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When you meet someone for the first time, you make a judgement about them. How often have you found that your initial assumption was correct? The more emotional intelligence you have, the easier this will be. People with autism might find this harder but most people, who have empathy for others and are generally good with people should trust their instincts more. As it is with most things in life, some of us are better at things than others. Listen, tune in and see how effective your inner wisdom is in guiding. It is a skill that can be improved upon.

I believe that we give off energy, there are some people I immediately feel closer to and more connected to than others. Psychologists still can’t fully explain this phenomenon and I believe there are dynamics at work that we don’t fully understand. They are there nonetheless and if we can harness this energy and use it to guide and inform us we will be better placed to make good healthy decisions in life.

Mandy X

 

 

Thoughts on failure

 

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Thoughts on failure

What are your thoughts on failure? Is it a lack of financial success? Is it owning a small house or being single? We all have different ideas about failure and the beliefs we cling to will determine how negatively failure impacts upon us.

Many of my clients blur the lines of failure. They blur the lines between failure being a verb and failure being a noun. I will often hear them say “I am a failure”. This is the number one rule about the concept of failure: Failure is a verb. A person isn’t a failure. Negative thoughts can create intense negative emotions, so spare yourself the grief by being aware of the nature of your thoughts. Never ever see yourself as a failure. Yes, perhaps something to tried to do didn’t work out but that certainly doesn’t equate to the ‘doer’ as a failure. Big difference!

In my books, life is a series of trial and error. We win some, we lose some. Failures show that we are alive and that we are trying. I see that as commendable. I view failure as giving up completely. If you are still trying and haven’t let life beat you down, you aren’t failing.

See failure as your friend. When you look at the process of failure as a a valuable lesson, you will no longer fear making mistakes and…well…failing.

Get living and get failing and see that as success!

 

Mandy X

 

The best relationships

 

happy man and woman photo

The best relationships

What sets apart average relationships from the best relationships? Staying in a sub standard relationship is common although this will inevitably lead to unmet needs and resentment over time.

Communication

Talk and talk and then talk some more. Always express yourself in an assertive way. The more you ask for what you want and practise reflective listening, the better your relationship will be. Communication is a two way street.

No playing games

When we don’t talk and ask for what we want, we tend to find other less obvious ways to get our point across. This can emerge in the form of passive aggressive behaviour. Any behaviour designed to manipulate is dangerous for a relationship. A straight forward, honest and open approach is the healthiest way to behave in a good relationship. Be assertive and don’t assume you know what the other person is thinking. Ask if you aren’t sure.

Fun

Don’t allow the relationship to go stale, The best relationships enjoy fun and relaxed times. Monotony can get in the way and the mundane can bring about boredom. Keep it interesting.

Intimacy – Sex!

Sex keeps a relationship fresh and connected. It is the glue that binds a healthy relationship. If sex has dwindled, ask yourself why. Sex in relationships does change at times but as long as both partners are happy with the frequency, a relationship can still thrive. Problems arise when one partner feels they are sexually frustrated and this is where good communication and compromise helps.

Best friends

Being great friends provides a fantastic solid framework for the best relationships. Relationships built on sexual attraction alone don’t fare as well. Know each other, like each other and respect each other – a brilliant combination.

Compromise

Two people with different backgrounds are bound to disagree from time to time. Learn to compromise and you will be able to navigate the tricky times when there is conflict. Learn to be flexible and have empathy for your partner and compromising will be a doddle!

Relationships take work. No one is perfect and negotiation will be a constant companion in a good relationship. Those who are able to adapt and give out love and compassion even when the relationship isn’t always in a good place will find they stay in longer lasting and fulfilling relationships than the average. Long may love last!!

Mandy X