Tag Archives: ambition

Tips for creating goals

 

goals

Tips for creating goals

 

  • Small decisions can have a great impact that help you work towards your goal. Remember that your goals are your road maps and your direction to success in life. Without them, you can lose your way. Although you can always retrace your steps, you might not have the time, opportunity, energy or resources you once had when you could have made your goals happen one by one.
  • Listen to people who you respect and ask for their advice. Remember, you don’t have to like the person to respect them.
  • Being active in life is most effective. Try visualizing the outcome at a time in the future. It will become apparent that to set definite time in the future is obtainable. That would be the “when”. The “How” comes with gathering information about resources and education. We often have to correct our course but at the same time keep a focus on our vision or dream. To began a journey starts with a step but it is just as important to know where you want to go as well as to have a specific plan about how you will get there. The more specific the steps, the better. Keep in mind that when you start the journey you will most likely  encounter objections and self doubt. That is why developing the habit of the daily motivational pep talk can help you to stay focused.
  • Make your goals SMART. S = specific, M = measurable, A = achievable, R = realistic, T = time bound
  • Examples:  Specific: lose weight

Measurable: 5 kilograms

Achievable = expecting to lose 10 kilos in one week is not achievable

R = realistic – lose 5 kilos over next month instead of losing 5 kilos in one week

T = time bound..lose 5 kilos over one month

As specific and with an easy way to see whether you have achieved the goal.

Goals, short term and long term help to give us purpose in life. Always have something to work towards, it can stave off depression and help you to feel more focused in life. Make sure the goals are personal to you and not goals that others wish you to achieve.

Mandy X

Filling the void

 

void

Filling the void

 

Sometimes life feels so empty, like something is missing but I’m not quite sure what. As if I am missing out on a big secret that everyone else knows about and I don’t. Of course, this isn’t really the case because when I have deep and meaningful conversations with friends they often tell me they feel the same way at times. They too experience loneliness (even when they are with others) and a feeling that they are missing out on something. A feeling that leaves them feeling there is still a void to be filled. So what is it?

I often thought my ‘void’ came from a troubled childhood. One where I was criticized and never quite felt loved and cherished. Perhaps the idea that I am not loveable is something that I still try to ‘fix’. If I just find the right partner who loves me in a way that makes me feel accepted and cherished, or find the right job with just the right amount of praise and status….Perhaps that is the void I am trying to fill. The thing is, I don’t believe the void can ever be filled by an external source. We fool ourselves into thinking that external validation will be the elixir we seek but the truth seems to be that despite external validation, there always seems to be something more to strive for.

I have come across many people who have felt the same way. Often, they would tell me that their parents pushed them to achieve and without realising it, created adults that never felt good enough. So maybe it’s that we all have this desire to feel whole and content and keep searching for this desirable feeling of wholeness. The other thing to consider of course is that perhaps this perpetual state of wholeness doesn’t actually exist.

I have had moments where I feel incredibly at peace and contented…it’s a wonderful feeling but it permeates for a while and then disappears, leaving me feeling anxious or incomplete once more. Maybe that is just how life is and when we accept that the void is just a part of life, we can get on with the process of living and being instead of chasing and wanting.

Mandy X

Why setting goals is a good thing

 

goals photo

Why setting goals is a good thing

When you set goals and work towards them you place yourself in the minority of people that ‘do’ instead of just talking. Everyone wants to be successful and progress but many aren’t prepared to make the effort. Actions, not words are key to attaining goals.

Setting goals show that you are taking responsibility for your life. You are putting objectives in place instead of hoping they will appear or that someone else might give them to you. People who don’t set goals tend not to take responsibility for themselves and often don’t end up achieving the things they want to.

Setting goals for yourself also shows that you are willing to take risks and that you believe enough in yourself to give it a go. I have found that many clients who find it hard to set goals are often the ones who feel unworthy.

Realising the importance of goals is another good motivator. If more people knew and understood that their hopes, dreams and plans, all their aspirations and ambitions, are dependent upon their ability and their willingness to set goals, far more people would create goals for themselves. Many people chug along with no goals and no sense of purpose and this can increase levels of depression and anxiety.

Setting goals shows that you are willing to take risks and see what happens. We all fear failure and rejection but when we try,and even if we fail, we often realise that we cope far better than we thought we would and that in itself can improve our confidence and self efficacy.

We also fear criticism from others but you know what, you don’t have to tell anyone about your goals. Only if you want to. When you set goals you help yourself to conquer fear. Instead of allowing your thoughts to create fear of things that might not even happen, setting goals shows you are committed to finding a better life for yourself, showing that you aren’t prepared to settle out of fear. It’s impossible to succeed without failing.

Set yourself a few goals – they can be small or big, short term or long term but they will give you a sense of purpose and improve mental resilience for smaller set backs as you can comfort yourself knowing you still have your ultimate direction to aspire to. Goals add perspective.

Mandy X

Your own incredible life path

 

path photo

Your own incredible life path

Wouldn’t that be weird, if we were walking along our path and noticed someone nearby on theirs. Thoughts such as “Hmmmn, they have an extra stone on theirs to play with” or “their path kinks to the left before mine does – what does that mean? I’ll bet that goes somewhere amazing while mine continues straight on. I’m missing out…”

Sounds a bit like life, doesn’t it? It may seem simplistic to compare a simple walking path with our lives but in many ways we over-analyse life and read into things, making assumptions far too often that more often than not lead to misery.

We all begin at the same starting point and end in the same place too. Some of us take longer to get there, others get there quicker. To some extent, we can’t choose what will fill our paths although we do get to choose most of the direction (especially as adults) and we also always have a choice over what we want to choose and want to believe along the way. We can fill our heads with assumptions about life and others and criticize ourselves endlessly but neither will really end up a productive strategy.

Instead, choose to be mindful – engage with the path rather than focusing on other people’s paths – you do too much of that and you’ll trip because you aren’t looking at your own path!

Learn to make the most of the rocks, flowers..yes, and weeds that appear before you as you proceed. Stop and listen to the sounds instead of racing ahead to get to the end. You may get to the end sooner than expected and then wished you taken more time to enjoy the sights. That’s a fundamental rule of the game – you can’t ever retrace your steps!

You are just as valuable and worthwhile on your path, whether you are running ahead, walking slowly or sitting down in the grass for a while. Life has unfortunately been set up in a way that programmes us to be busy, to be looking ahead constantly and this serves society well as it keeps the shareholders reaping in the profits. Our worth is falsely tied up in our achievements. Don’t fall for it.

There is plenty along your path to sustain  you if you look for it. If you choose to ‘programme’ yourself this way. Friends and relatives and experiences are where it’s at. Stopping for a picnic or to play in the rain and have a giggle while star gazing with someone you love. That’s what brings contentment. Slow and steady does it.

Mandy X

The Dark Triad of Personality Characteristics

 

evil personality photo

The Dark Triad of Personality Characteristics

A dangerous recipe of three personality characteristics exists. Someone possessing these three traits is dangerous as they lack empathy, use people as objects and have a determination to succeed that is devoid of morals and ethics.

These three personality characteristics are:

  1. Psychopathy – anti social personality, lack of empathy, lack guilt and very impulsive
  2. Machiavellianism – manipulation and exploitation of others. Often seen is corporate types
  3. Narcissism – selfish, self absorbed and lacking in empathy

People with these personality traits are brilliant at moving between these three personality traits and only show the side they need to in order to further their aims. They can be heartless and are adept at dissociation whereby they act in a detached way. Acting in a detached way ensure they will have no conscience or guilt over their actions.

Sadly, many CEO’s and Directors of companies possess the dark triad of personality characteristics. Their need for power and status coupled with their lack of empathy ensure they get ahead.

People who possess the dark triad have often experienced a difficult and unloving childhood where these anti social traits will have been fostered. Abuse in childhood is a good predictor of many types of dysfunction in adults. If you know someone who only seems to care about what’s in it for them, offers very little in terms of emotional intelligence and empathy and can cause upset easily without it affecting them, you may know someone with the dark triad.

Relationships are all about give and take, cut your losses (especially if you are in a romantic relationship) and get out!

 

Mandy X

 

 

Photo by hang_in_there

Are you powerful?

 

exhuberance photo

Are you powerful?

If you want to be powerful in life it is important to have established a good foundation of self worth. If you do not have self belief and fully back yourself you will hold back on achieving your true potential and taking up opportunities to grow and develop. Allowing yourself to be powerful is a challenge. True power is internal. It is deep within you. Like everyone else you came into this world with your own specific talents. How you use these talents is how you use your power.  They find a talent and they make the most of it. They don’t keep it hidden from others. Are you being the best possible version of yourself? Are you selling yourself short?

Think about this question: what would changing your life be like if you were 40% more powerful? Make a note of five differences that you would notice. When you decide that you are here for a reason and that you have a purpose it becomes easier to bring out your potential and to contribute to life. As the poet Rumi once said, “Everyone has been called for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in their heart”.

Answer these questions with 10 words or a short statement for each:

1) what do you want most out of life?

2) what do you want to see in the world?

3) what makes you special?

4) things I can do/am capable of doing right now

now write the statement as follows: I will… (Choose one answer from 4), using my… (Answer from 3), to finish… (Answer from 2), and in doing so achieve… (Answer from one).

This is a clever way to reveal what really matters to you. Use this little exercise to help you focus on your purpose in life. The more aligned to our highest desires, the more power you will pull through yourself and express.

Ways to feel more powerful

Make a list of all the ways in which you feel proud of yourself. Jot down three things that come to mind immediately. This list tells you how brilliant you are already, how complex, how clever and how brilliant. Unless you appreciate your worth and value in this way, you can’t use it or make it work for you. Losing sight of yourself is easily done in a busy schedule and the key to more power is appreciating your value. Make this list as compelling as you can so that when you look at it you can’t help but feel immensely proud of who you are. This isn’t about narcissism, it’s a way of looking at yourself that gives you access to your own power base. Remind yourself regularly that you are fabulous.

Try not to be a drama queen. It’s undignified. Arguing, sulking, battling is drama and it’s exhausting. Think about keeping energy in reserve for those occasions when it’s worth making a stand or taking up a position. Make your point with grace and charm. People don’t mind being won over-it’s being defeated that they object to. At times the powerful thing to do is to walk away. Moving on is another powerful tactic. Resist being desperate about anything. Now that you can live without this thing, person or whatever. You are more powerful than you think.

Do you see yourself as important? You decide. Act as if you are. Forget about other people taking away your power- that’s an absurd idea. People can only have power if you give it to them so watch yourself in everyday situations. Why hang around with someone who is popular but no fun at all? What you are effectively doing is pumping them full of their own self-importance and ignoring your own power so don’t buy into this trendy and ‘happening’ stuff. It can be a hollow experience. Have standards.

Never put yourself down or criticise yourself especially in front of others. Believe in being powerful and act in a powerful way. Sometimes the only person getting in the way is you.

Sometimes we find ourselves asking “Who  am I to think that I am brilliant, fabulous and powerful?” Actually, who are you not to be? When you play small you do not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people around you won’t feel insecure. We are all meant to shine and there is enough success for everyone. Just because one person has something does not mean that there is a limited supply and therefore less available for you and others. When we claim our power we unconsciously give other people permission to claim theirs.

Mandy X

Photo by n.hewson

goal setting

Goal setting – 9 questions to ask yourself

goal setting photo

Goal setting – 9 questions to ask yourself

1) If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would your life look like? What are you doing? Where are you? Close your eyes and visualise where you want to be. You have to name it before you can claim it. Write down your vision.

2) What will you need to know to reach your new life? Will you require any learning, new skills? How can you go about obtaining these skills/knowledge?

3) Is there an area in your ‘current life’ that is dragging you down or holding you back? Debt, education, a relationship, depression, your past?

Is there a way to deal with this? Do you procrastinate? Are you in denial? Be totally honest with yourself.

4) What is the first, easy small step you can take today to address something you identified in the last answer? When will you take that step?

5) What obstacles might pop up along the way? Can you anticipate all of them? Can you determine solutions for each problem you might encounter?

6) How will you know you’re on the right path? What will the first milestone be where you can say “I’m getting there! I’m on my way”. When will that be?

7) What will you do for yourself when you reach that milestone? How will you reward yourself?

8) After that first milestone, what will your next step be? And the next?…

9) Picture yourself saying about your life’s goal, “I did it!”. When will that be? What is the exact, realistic date?

 

Make all goals SMART:

S = specific

M = measurable

A = achievable

R = realistic

T = time bound

Goal setting is an essential part of purpose in life. We all need purpose to feel our life has meaning.

Mandy X

Photo by symphony of love

success

The Secrets of success

success photo

The Secrets of Success

 

What are the basic secrets of success? Success means different things to different people. The secrets of success vary but there are some basics that apply to us all. I’ve created an infographic on the secrets of success that we can all apply…  Mandy X

Photo by aloshbennett