Tag Archives: be brave

Feeling alive

 

feeling alive

Feeling alive

Make your time on this planet count. We will all end up leaving one day – the end result is the same for all of us. Feeling alive means that you are actively living life. not hiding away fearfully.

Many people seek to be invisible, to cause minimum fuss and fade into the background. Why would anyone want to do that? I am quite spiritual but I have no clear idea of what happens when we die. What I do know is that we can no longer ‘interact’ with others. We have no power to effect change or to influence others. Let your energy flow from you and make yourself be heard. Push the fears and anxieties to the background and do it anyway. Feeling alive can feel joyous and it can also hurt but it is surely better to have lived a life bravely, facing all it has to offer than to spend your life shying away from things.

Even if you humiliate yourself or end up failing/rejected, see it as a learning curve, a vital part of life that proves to you that you are truly living. Who cares what others think – will it still be an issue a few years from now? Other people  are far more self absorbed than we realise and spend most of their mental energy worrying about themselves.

The basic message  in this post is to be brave, ‘plug in’ to life and embrace failure, rejection and change. You have far more power and control over your life than you realise..choose to exercise it.

Mandy X

Playing it safe

 

playing it safe

Playing it safe

Playing it safe is probably holding you back. I come across countless people in my private practice who live fearfully. On one hand, it’s easy to see why. We live in a world where there is constant change and little certainty. We all seek certainty as much as we can and want to feel safe. In fact, feeling safe is often a huge motivator behind most of our behaviour – staying in relationships that no longer work for us or staying in a job that brings us little fulfillment. Insurance companies have never had it so good as we all try our best to insure ourselves against uncertainty. The world is inherently uncertain yet we fight and resist this every step of the way.

On the other hand…What about a radical new approach? How about accepting that the world is uncertain and that despite this we can still flourish and explore? I am not talking about being completely reckless…I am talking about harnessing fear and just getting on with life. The more we believe our fearful thinking instead of challenging it, the more powerful it grows and the less we try fight against it. Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen?

Risk it in love – yes, just do it.We all get rejected and if you never ask you will never know. Even if you are rejected, learn to talk to yourself in an empowering way – it doesn’t mean you are defective, it’s just a matter of not being compatible with someone. It’s not what happens to you it’s what you think about it.

Risk it in life – make that silly joke in public, wear your favourite clothes to bed, wear your favorite perfume every day not just on special occasions, go out with clashing colours on just for fun…live as if you only have a few months/days to live…

Always have a Plan B for sure but then put your fearful thinking away and go for it. Often we overestimate the fear and the challenge and possibly a negative outcome and we underestimate our ability to cope. How will you know if you never try? Don’t be one of those people in their old age that look back with so many regrets. Find out what could’ve happened – do it now.

Speak your mind, tell people you love them, tell people you like them…find another job if the current one doesn’t work for you…don’t stagnate. You will be in the top 10% of the population of people who risk it. You will be ahead of the pack.

Don’t be afraid to experiment and try things, be more afraid of the consequences of not trying and living a smaller less adventurous life.

Mandy X

Don’t quit – a poem

 

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Don’t quit – a poem

This is a lovely to poem to read when you feel low and down trodden….hope it cheers you up if you’re feeling sad.    Mandy X

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

For life is queer with its twists and turns

As everyone of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won if he’d stuck it out.

Success is just failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far.

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,

It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit!

  • Anonymous.

The secret to resilience

 

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The secret to resilience

Self-doubt is an ever lurking presence for many of us. It’s easy to see why we all doubt ourselves in question our motives and at times even our own value and worth as a human being. I have found it quite intriguing as to how many of my clients as well as personal friends and family, who have admitted that one of the underlying fears is that they are not good enough. This is probably one of the most common thoughts we all share.

In a world full of people trying to make their mark, prove themselves and with so many of us and so many varying opinions, it’s no wonder we get caught up in self-criticism and self-analysis. There is always someone there who is ready to judge, criticise or have an opinion on something that we do. So the question is, what can we do to build resilience and a stronger foundation within ourselves in order to withstand the constant onslaught from others and the world around us?

The answer to this is simple-self belief. When we have self belief, this faith in ourselves carries us forward when no one else seems to support us. We all need validation and support but there will be times in our lives when this will be scarce and this is when we need to draw on our inner strength to move forward. Here are a few ways to foster inner strength and resilience to help us keep strong in the face of opposition and adversity:

Learn to trust yourself. Listen to your gut instincts more often.

Stop assuming that others always know better than you do or are more knowledgeable than you are. They may just be better at talking the talk rather than really backing it up with solid wisdom and/or talent.

Get comfortable with making your own decisions. You don’t always need reassurance before making a decision. Get out of that habit.

Take responsibility for your own life. Do not play the blame game or stay in victim mode

Question the source of criticism and judgement always. Do you respect the source of the criticism? Do they matter in your world?

Regularly remind yourself of how far you have come. Often we focus on how far we still have to go. Do yourself a favour and always give yourself credit for the journey so far.

Regularly remind yourself of the strengths and achievements.

Big yourself up talk to yourself as if you are your number one fan. It’s so healthy to like yourself!

Have a healthy relationship with failure-see failure as part of the process of self-improvement and a way to learn. You are never a failure..separate what you try to do/your behaviour- which may fail at times and you-the person.

Inner resilience needs work, it rarely just exists. Carefully craft your inner dialogue and trust in yourself more. Even if things do go wrong – you will soon learn that outcomes are rarely as catastrophic as you may have believed them to be and you will most likely cope, learn and move through the difficult times.

Mandy X

 

 

5 Reasons to stop thinking and just go for it

 

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5 Reasons to stop thinking and just go for it

We all have to face difficult decisions in life and we can spend time agonising over which way to go. Should I do it this way or should I do that instead? Without ever knowing the exact outcome, we sometimes have to take a leap of faith, stop procrastinating and just dive in. Here’s why it’s important to take action instead of wallowing and prevaricating…
1) If you don’t try you will always wonder “what if”. Research shows that we find it easier to deal with taking action and then failing as opposed to never trying and wondering whatmight’ve happened. If you have the right attitude to failure, you will realise that failure doesn’t mean YOU are a failure, it just means that whatever you tried didn’t work out. It’s a learning curve – one option that didn’t work still leads you closer to your goal as life is a constant process of trial and error.

2) When you look back on your life, you will look at what you did with your life. You won’t remember exactly what you were thinking. If you live your whole life living in your head you will have very little to show for your time on earth at the end.See life as an adventure. The more you explore, the more you grow.

3) If you are waiting for the perfect moment or timing, think again – it will most likely never come. By all means, do a risk assessment and investigate possibilities. Knowledge is power and I am all for that but don’t spend endless hours trying to find the perfect solution or set up – it doesn’t exist. Life isn’t perfect and neither are you. Learn to test your resilience by getting stuck in instead of being a passive observer. Before you know it, life will have passed you by and you will have stagnated and will have achieved nothing.

4) Whilst there are no guarantees in life, your instincts and gut feel are usually leading you in the right direction. You have more inner wisdom that you probably realise. If something doesn’t feel right, make changes. Never hold back out of fear. If fear controls your decision making you will end up feeling powerless and without options. Acting on a decision is always scary but pat yourself on the back for doing it because you are then one of the ‘active players’ in life – one of those that refuses to ‘settle’ or accept less than they deserve.

5) When you are brave, the universe rewards you. maybe not immediately but fortune favours the brave. The more you ‘actively live’ instead of just chugging along, the more alive you will feel, the more people you will meet and the more opportunities will come your way.

It’s a no-brainer. Seize opportunities, push fear to the side and stop taking life so seriously. Throw caution to the wind and live a little…you’ll be amazed where it will lead you.

Mandy X

Photo by symphony of love

Photo by symphony of love

How to stop living in fear

 

freedom photo

How to stop living in fear

I have spent a large part of my life living in fear. Fear of being broke, fear of rejection/of being alone and fear of failure have been constant companions for the most part. It has consumed me at times: Should I make this decision or that one to avoid my fears coming true? Should I act this way or that way to secure a loving relationship? If I choose that will I end up happier in the long term? The problem with this is that we spend a large amount of time worrying about  “what ifs” and many of my theories on the best course of action have not always been correct, especially when it comes to second guessing how someone else will react. I know I am not alone in this as I have many clients as well as friends who deal with the same fears that I do.

Fear is useful if it makes us more cautious and helps us to think through possible scenarios before acting but humans seem to have a tendency to over analyse situations and cause themselves a lot of unnecessary grief in the process.

1) See life as an adventure

Many of us live a fearful life – perhaps initiated by our parents constantly telling us to be careful and be cautious. Perhaps it’s partly genetic but you do have a choice. You don’t HAVE to life a fearful life. Of course, there are times to be more cautious but being brave and getting on with life is just as important as being cautious. Some of us take caution too far and stop living in the process..ending up with a life full of “what ifs” and regrets.

2) Keep fear in perspective

Many fears are unfounded. We catastrophize and imagine things to be worse than they are. Nine times out of ten, we we break the fear barrier and do it anyway, we realise that our fears were far worse than the actual event.

3) Watch your thoughts and attitude

Your thoughts and attitude to life influence the heights you will attain more than anything else in life. If you believe the world is a scary place and that people will trick you when possible, you will live life and behave in ways that are in line with these beliefs. If you believe that death comes to us all so why not make the most of time we are living..you will probably grab more opportunities than others.

4) Stop thinking, start doing

Stop over analysing and get to it. Do a risk assessment and go for it. There will never be the perfect time and there will never be a time when absolutely everything you consider confirms that the decision is right. There are no guarantees, there will always be unknowns…Get used to it and work around it but most of all take action. Too much thinking can lead to no action at all.

5) Know what you’re good at as well as your inherent worth

When you know what you’re worth and trust yourself you will be far more eager to get out of your comfort zone. We do the most growing as a person when we are out of our comfort zone. Unease and a lack of safety can feel awful but the upside of that is a huge surge in your confidence and abilities to cope with whatever comes your way.

Mandy X

Fabulous Life Tips

 happy life photo

 

Fabulous Life Tips

 

Follow these fabulous life tips and you’ll find ways to be happier, calmer, more in tune with yourself and fulfilled…

 

The power is in the present

Did you know that when you focus too much on the past or the future, it can be the greatest cause of your misery? Try to find happiness in the moment instead of assuming it is somewhere else – like the past or still to be found in the future. The more you find happiness in the present moment, where life is now, the greater you sense of happiness and fulfilment. The moment of power is the moment of experience and that can only happen right now. Joy, happiness, peace- can all be found now. Don’t fool yourself into believing happiness is lurking in the future. You waste precious life moments/opportunities thinking this way.

Make friends and family a priority

Feeling connected to others can be one of the most fulfilling experiences. A holiday, new purchase for the home or a new experience is always better when it’s shared. Make an effort to be the most loving version of you and you will receive it back in bucket loads.

Self Acceptance

When you like yourself you stop focusing inwards and begin to enjoy life more. You use your skills and abilities to explore life rather than obsessing about how you look and what others think. Give up the insecurities, others are more concerned about their own issues. Be proud that your body works for you every day, helps you to move around and communicate – it really is awesome.

Figure out what you want

Ask yourself these 4 questions:

1) What do I want?

2) What must I do to have it?

3) How would I feel when I have it?

4) So what I want is to feel………………

Repeat again to go deeper and figure out what lies beneath the superficial. You may see that what you want is the feeling something gives you rather than the object itself…can be very enlightening.

Stop playing it safe

Staying in a dead end job or a miserable relationship means that you are allowing fear to dominate your life. Imagine looking back over your life and feeling you never took enough risks. Be brave, try out life and see where it leads. Playing it safe leads to resentment, powerlessness and underlying anger. Find ways to step out more, take baby steps but try living a little more.

Happiness is something within you, it is a feeling that isn’t available to only a select few. Choose your thoughts and your interpretations wisely and you can live a happier life instantly.

Mandy X

 

 

 

destroy inhibitions

Destroy your inhibitions

fun photo

 

Destroy your inhibitions

Following on from previous post on faulty assumptions – many of our inhibitions come from faulty assumptions that we make about ourselves and others. We tend to compare our “behind the scenes footage” with others’ “highlight reel”. What you do that for?? It makes no sense to do that – it will most definitely leave you feeling rubbish about yourself and most of the comparing will probably not even be correct.

So, I am asking you to go back to the proverbial drawing board…

What are your inhibitions?

Flabby bits?

Do you cover up in bed because you don’t like parts of your body? Believe it or not, your partner is probably delighted to be with you and won’t be stopping every so often to check whether your body looks good – they will be going on how things feel. Focus on physical touch and tune out the visual – you will be AMAZED at how much better the experience will be for you and your partner. Inhibitions are mental barriers that you create. You can get rid of them if you choose to.

Do you worry that others will judge you negatively and as a result you remain quiet so as not to draw any attention to yourself?

The more you fade into the background in an attempt to avoid judgement, the stronger the mental barrier will become. It is crucial to take an action (even a small one to begin with) that challenges your self limiting belief. People will judge you either way – if you are quiet and try to “sit on the fence” you will STILL be judged. Let yourself be judged for what you do rather than what you don’t do. Grow a pair and start having an opinion…wear that crazy outfit that you love…be true to yourself and you will be amazed at how accepting others are. They may even secretly envy your confidence to be yourself. You might receive a little heckling in the beginning but have a sense of humour about it…remind yourself that people ‘taking the piss’ is just normal banter – it’s what you think about it that matters, not the actual banter that does the damage.

Inhibitions will make you into a shell of what you could be. Care less about what others think. Follow your true self – they’re always ahead of you beckoning you to move forward. Be liberated, feel free. Stop giving a shit about what others think when you are being creative, different…living a life true to you.

Think of me in the background waving my pompoms in the air, encouraging you on…”Here’s to being true to yourself, here’s to freedom and living life your way”.

Mandy X