Tag Archives: be successful

How to increase self belief

 

confidence photo

How to increase self belief

If you want to know how to increase self belief – listen up. This may be the most important information you’ll ever read. I have accomplished so much more in my life by working on my self belief. It’s a constant effort and I have to work on it daily but the results are worth it. Here are my top tips on how to become your own number one fan:

Understand that if you don’t believe in yourself, very few other people will. When you give off confidence and self acceptance, others don’t tend to question this. In fact, they will be more drawn to you. Confident people make others feel safe and they act as magnets socially. People like confidence. They won’t question your right to be so confident – they will just see someone who really seems to like themselves and that’s immensely attractive.

There are many things in life that can decrease our self belief and that is why it is a repetitive effort to keep the self belief alive. Social media, like Facebook and Instagram don’t help self belief at all. The more we think we are missing out and don’t have much as others, the more unhappy we become and the less self belief we have. Beware the perils of spending too much time on social media. If you do – remember that a lot of what you see is exaggerated and isn’t reality. Others put on a ‘show’ but real life is seldom as glamorous as they’d like you to believe.

Practise gratitude

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, make sure you look at what is good in your life. There are always things to be grateful for but the way the world is structured leads us to constantly compare. Making comparisons inevitably leads to a sense of deprivation and feelings of inadequacy. Stop doing it! Be appreciative of what you do have and what works well for you. Focus on this regularly and if necessary – make a list that you can read regularly of all the things you love and appreciate in yourself and your life.

Validate yourself

We all like external validation. When others tell us we look great or that we have done a good job, it’s very satisfying. The trick is to NEVER rely on this external validation as a way to increase self belief. Make sure that you give yourself validation. Regularly talk to yourself in a positive and empowering manner. Tell yourself that you are wonderful and amazing. Focus often on all your fantastic characteristics – are you funny, kind, patient? Remind yourself of all your good qualities. Clients often (mistakenly) tell me that they think this is arrogance. Arrogance is thinking you are better than others. Confidence is liking and accepting yourself and making the best of you.

Maximise strengths, minimise weaknesses

No one is perfect and we can’t be good at everything. Get to know yourself well and know what you are good at. Work to increase your strengths and use them in your life. There is not point in doing something that exposes all your weaknesses and none of your strengths. Play to your strengths and remind yourself of all the good things you have achieved in your life. What have your successes been?

Positive attitude to failure

Never see yourself as a failure. Perhaps something you have done didn’t work out but always separate actions from yourself as a person – they are two different things. Define failure – to me, failure is completely giving up. Someone who tries and fails one hundred times is not a failure – they are a learner of life.

Keep the faith

There have been seriously dark times for me when I have felt rejected and feel I have failed at life. Times of extreme loneliness when I felt that I was worthless. This is normal and you can’t possibly feel 100% confident all of the time. What you need to do though during the dark times of self doubt is sit tight and keep the faith. Remind yourself that you are still the same amazing person and although you don’t quite feel connected to that confident part of you – it’s still there.

Life will move on and your light will shine again. Never stop believing in yourself even when you feel the world has. Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Choose your thoughts carefully and be kind to yourself.

Practise self compassion

Always always be kind to yourself. That means – no critical self talk. Be caring towards yourself as you would someone you loved dearly. Imagine yourself as that cute little 5 year old child – how would you talk to your 5 year old self? You would cuddle them and tell them things will improve. You would encourage them and tell them they are brilliant.

Create goals

Make sure you have some goals, something to work towards. When we have goals in place it creates structure and purpose in our lives and helps boost us psychologically. Put together a list of goals for yourself that are:

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Measurable and time bound (SMART goals)

When you have self belief you are far more likely to be successful. Your thinking will spur you on. Research has proven time and time again that when we are positive and focus on our strengths and nurture our self belief, we get more done. Believing is half the battle!

Mandy X

 

 

 

Four ways to get what you want in life

 

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Four ways to get what you want in life

  1. Attend to your relationships

It’s never a good idea to stop working on relationships that mean something to you. When we neglect important relationships and stop communicating about the important stuff that keeps us connected – like how we are feeling, what matters most to us and having fun in the relationship and doing things together, we end up detaching over time and one day we realise we don’t even know our partners that well anymore, Don’t let hurts and problems build up!

End hopeless relationships. Stop hanging on to something that no longer meets your needs. I know I have often stayed in relationships far too long – more out of fear of being single and the unfamiliar than anything else. This is never good idea and in hindsight I wish I had ended things sooner.

If the relationship is working at, don’t let conflicts build up. Try not to bottle up anger and resentment as this will kill the love in the relationship over time.

2. Balance priorities versus demands

When you feel overwhelmed, the first thing to do is to reduce or put off low priority demands. Make sure you know what is important and what can be delayed. Chunk down different tasks instead of worrying about everything all at once -that would make anyone feel overwhelmed (and neurotic). Ask for help (I find it hard to do this), others are usually far more happy to help than you realize.

3. Balance the “Wants” and “Shoulds”

Figure out what you truly enjoy doing and want to do as opposed to the things you feel you should do. When life is too full of “shoulds” it can make us resentful, angry and fatigued. Try to keep the two in balance.

Be assertive and get others to take your opinions seriously.

Ask for what you want – got others to do things too.

Learn to say “no” to unwanted requests.

4. Build mastery and self respect

Focus on interacting with others in a way to promotes a feeling of competency and effectiveness, not a feeling of being helpless and overly dependent. Stand up for yourself, your beliefs and opinions; follow your instincts and intuition.

The above are little tips, that if you practise will make a large difference in your life.

Mandy X

 

 

How to get rich

 

wealth photo

How to get rich

I see clients who have done very well for themselves. Many of them tell me that it’s easier to appreciate things in life when you don’t have money. They say that being rich makes you lose touch with reality. Perhaps that’s why wealthy people do drugs and push the boundaries because the little things don’t matter like they used to. They also tell me that balance in life disappears.

I asked these clients what they believe is needed to get rich and here is a summary of what they told me:

1) Hard work and luck

The harder you work, the luckier you get – the old cliche. It does seem to be true though. Hard work, putting yourself out there and self belief can all make things happen. Sometimes luck is needed though and it can be a case of being in the right place at the right time to make the formula work well.

2) Be self employed

It’s unlikely to get rich on a salaried job. You live according to the amount you get paid and you line the pockets of your employer. Be open to opportunities, Find someone doing what you want to do and copy them but do it better.

3) Revolutionary talk

Find your niche – the less competition the better. The harder it is to copy or imitate the better.It’s a lot easier to come up with something revolutionary rather than try and exploit a tried-and-tested method. A great example – Rubik’s cube. Different times demand different strategies. The tycoons of the 1800’s like John Jacob Astor made their fortunes by trading animal fur and real estate, or in shipping and railways. After that, fuel – such as oil and wood became big business. The 1900’s kicked off with steel. Henry Ford got exceptionally rich with cars. Robson Walton did the same with Walmart in 1962. At the moment – IT and the online market  is the money vein to tap into.

4) Building a foundation

In order to rise above the mundane and the boring you need to put in a lot of effort – beyond the 9-5 schedule. But it’s not making the money – it’s about being able to manage and sustain it. Making money too quickly can lead you to losing it quickly too. Build up slowly and conquer each level well before moving to the next.

5) Got it, keep it

It’s not that easy to stay at the top.  You have to have the need to achieve not just the need to get rich. The assumption by people who don’t get rich is that those who do are hell bent on making money. It’s not true – they just want to achieve. People who get rich tend to lose the yearning for a Rolex watch. Sure, they’ll have a nice house and drive a nice car but not everyone who’s rich wants those things. Often, rich people are consumed with achieving and happen to make loads of money in the process.

6) The big achievement

Money is less important once you have it. People who aren’t wealthy have many misconceptions about what it is like to be wealthy. There are still problems – they may change in nature but there will always be problems – it’s human nature. High levels of self belief are essential for success and be prepared to become a calculated-risk taker.

There is enough success out there, tune your thinking in to visualising how your life will be. Work hard and don’t give up.

Mandy X

 

 

 

When Life is Tough

 

Mindfulness

Mindfulness (Photo credit: RelaxingMusic)

No one escapes the hardships of life. It is often the wise, kind, selfless and well rounded people who have known misery, despair and have faced challenges in their life. When life is tough you have two choices-you can sink or swim. Sinking does not bear thinking about so here are tips on how to face the tough times:

1. Acceptance

When you accept that life is a series of ups and downs and that this cycle is inevitable, you can begin to see that there are natural flows in life. When life is tough, it teaches us what we are made of and they also help us to appreciate the good times. Embrace the tough times as an opportunity to expand your skills and knowledge-see it as a learning curve. Every hardship is a lesson for you to learn about life.

2. Attitude

Your attitude determines whether you will fall at the first hurdle or whether you will get up and continue regardless. When you monitor your attitude and fill the content of your mind with gratitude, positive expectancy (seeing life as an adventure, seeing each day as a gift) and possibilities the world around you offers this up.

3. Control

Knowing the difference between what you can and cannot control will save you a lot of stress in life. We often have blurred boundaries regarding what we can influence.I see many clients who try to fix issues that are beyond their control, such as other people’s behaviour. Remind yourself that the only things you are really in control of your own thoughts and behaviours. Use these wisely.

4. Self belief

There is no point in seeking validation outside of yourself. This is a precarious way to feel good about yourself. You’re not in this world to live up to other people’s expectations. Find your own unique path. Define your values and have a clear understanding of what is important to you. When you set your sights on a goal, do not allow others to dissuade you. When we allow ourselves to be ‘drowned’ in the noise and opinion of others, we can end up sinking. imagine yourself on a small canoe-the balance is great and you are floating peacefully down the river. Imagine the opinions of others as heavy loads. When you take these on board the boat gets heavier. Be safe in the knowledge that you have everything you need in your small canoe, taking on too much from others’ will lead you astray.

5. Mindfulness

The present is all we have. Life is in the here and now, not in some distant imagined future nor in what happened yesterday. Appreciate where you are right now. Focus on your breathing, take in your surroundings and be in the moment. Modern technology does not help mindfulness. How many times have you been in a public place such as a restaurant and noticed people that are on their mobile phones or iPads? This is not being mindful. Engage your senses, quieten your thoughts and try to enjoy life in the moment. When life is tough we tend to worry too much – mindfulness helps keep control of this.

6. Don’t compare

it is easy during the tough times to feel that we are alone in what we are going through. Everyone else seems to be having the time of their life whilst we feel so alone and miserable. Remember that we are all struggling in our own way. We are also conditioned to put our best foot forward, put on a fake smile and pretend that everything is fine. Many others, in fact everyone on this planet, has their ups and downs. See yourself as part of the bigger picture. We are all connected, leading parallel lives and facing difficulties on a regular basis. When you step away from denial and acknowledge what you’re going through, others will open up too. There is a lot of support out there if you want it.

I have faced many tough times over the years-health issues, separation, depression and feeling afraid. I take a philosophical approach to these experiences, try to learn from them and let them help me to be the that compassionate, kind and well rounded person.

Mandy X

The Top Ten Secrets of Successful People

 

Group of happy business people clapping their ...

Group of happy business people clapping their hands (Photo credit: tec_estromberg)

 

1) Successful People Take risks

Successful people don’t sit on the side lines day dreaming. They DO what they think about. They aren’t afraid to get stuck in and take risks. Many ventures in life will never be 100% safe or guaranteed. Don’t let risk stop you. Get out there and see what happens. What have you got to lose? More people look back over their lives and regret what they didn’t do rather than what they did do.

2) Successful People Possess Unwavering Self Belief

Successful people do sometimes suffer from self doubt but they are good at talking themselves out of it or not taking their thoughts too seriously. Instead of overanalysing all that could go wrong, they concentrate on their strengths. These strengths serve as the basic foundation from which they leap out into the wide world to show off their skills. Self belief accounts for a large part of success. I have seen many people with lacklustre talent achieve great things due to their self belief. I have also seen super talented people waste their potential completely due to their lack of self belief. Self belief is the ‘springboard’, talent influences how high you can go. Without self belief – all talent is wasted.

3) They Don’t Care What Others Think

Successful people care very much about their own opinions. Not in an arrogant, self important way but in a faith-based way. They know what they are capable of and they have strong belief systems. The difference with their belief systems though compared to the ‘average Joe’ is that their belief systems work very much in their favour. They like themselves and they like what they stand for. They have strong ideals/values and live a life that is true to what is important to them. It’s easy to be ‘wishy washy’ when you don’t have clear values about life.

4) They Think Outside the Box

Successful people don’t tend to just accept life as “the way it is”. They constantly ask why and they constantly look for ways to improve the “way it is”. They are leaders, not followers and aren’t afraid to go against the grain. The more people tell them something can’t be done, the more determined they become to give it a go.

5) They’re Optimistic at Heart

At the thought of a new project, successful people are looking at possibilities instead of looking at all the possible problems. They allow the delicate creative process to develop before adding in rational and realistic forecasts. Nothing would ever be invented or achieved if we all started a project by looking at what could go wrong with it instead of focusing on what is possible. They look for the good in situations and this attitude creates a strong mental buffer that protects optimists against the ravages of the negative aspects in life.

6) They’re Resilient/Not Afraid of Failure

Failure is seen as a clue to the puzzle. Instead of internalising failure, successful people see it as a necessary part of life. They do not see themselves as failures, rather they look at the task as not working out. There is a clear mental separation between the person and the action. Failure is only a big deal if you make it one.

7) Successful People Possess a “Can Do” Attitude

Enthusiastic and always ready for a challenge, successful people look at finding solutions. They are fixers in life. They’re not obsessed about fixing things that can’t be fixed though and know when to back off and let something go. People with low self esteem tend to be the ones that find it hard to let go as they associate themselves and the task as one and see themselves as failures if they are unable to fix the issue. Successful people can maintain perspective and not get carried away with their enthusiasm. They recognise when effort outweighs the benefits.

8) They Take responsibility For Their Own Lives

This is a biggie. Successful people know that they are in their current position in life due to their own choices. People that don’t take responsibility for their choices in life tend to repeat the same old lines:

“It’s my parent’s fault that I am the way I am”.  Parents do indeed influence us to a point but instead of blame, successful people accept their misfortune and almost use their rough start in life to fuel them further. They want to achieve despite what happened to them.

“I hit you because you provoke me. You make me do it.”  Really? I don’t buy it. Unless there is a gun to your head, you still choose how to react. You can’t control others and their wayward thoughts but you most certainly choose what you do about it.

“I had an affair because you don’t pay me enough attention.” Another ‘cop out’. Have an affair if you need to (who am I to judge) but don’t blame someone else. That’s just ridiculous and shows denial at its best. Even if a relationship is awful, you are still choosing to stay in it and therefore cannot blame your partner for the misery you feel. They definitely contribute to your misery but it’s not all their fault. Personal responsibility would lead to happier lives for many people playing the ‘victim game’.

9) They Are Self Aware – Know Their Strengths/Weaknesses

Successful people have a healthy respect for themselves and they know what they’re good at. They also know what they aren’t that good at. They have no issues in admitting to their weaknesses either but they are good at capitalising on their good bits. Successful people may sound super human but they aren’t at all. They just use their thinking to the nest of their abilities and choose the thoughts that work for them.

10) They Give Back

Truly successful people aren’t completely out for themselves. They see the bigger picture and they give back to others. They have a set of healthy beliefs about others – that people are generally good and not “out to get them”. People from unhappy and unsettled childhoods tend to grow up seeing the world as a mean, unkind place and they are more likely to incorporate negative beliefs about the world. As an adult, it is important to question these negative beliefs and find out that they don’t apply anymore in many respects. As adults we have more choice in life and it’s up to us to make the most of our lives. With a more balanced view of the world, we are far more likely to want to give back. If we are angry and feel hard-done-by, we are far less likely to want to contribute positively to the world around us. We believe that we are owed something..and victim mode sets in again ( see Number 8).

We can’t change what has happened in the past. It’s always very sad for me to witness people stuck in the past. They have negative memories and play them in their heads regularly as if they happened yesterday. All this does though is reinforce the negative emotions. Being mindful means telling yourself,  “I am okay, right here, right now”. Living in the past gives those that wronged you power over you again and again. make a choice, right now, to stop allowing them the power to upset you. If you do not feel mentally strong enough to do this – get the help of a counsellor. It is possible. Being successful is far easier when we feel empowered and believe it or not, we are all capable of feeling empowered without help from anyone else.

Mandy X

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