Tag Archives: believe in yourself

How to increase self belief

 

confidence photo

How to increase self belief

If you want to know how to increase self belief – listen up. This may be the most important information you’ll ever read. I have accomplished so much more in my life by working on my self belief. It’s a constant effort and I have to work on it daily but the results are worth it. Here are my top tips on how to become your own number one fan:

Understand that if you don’t believe in yourself, very few other people will. When you give off confidence and self acceptance, others don’t tend to question this. In fact, they will be more drawn to you. Confident people make others feel safe and they act as magnets socially. People like confidence. They won’t question your right to be so confident – they will just see someone who really seems to like themselves and that’s immensely attractive.

There are many things in life that can decrease our self belief and that is why it is a repetitive effort to keep the self belief alive. Social media, like Facebook and Instagram don’t help self belief at all. The more we think we are missing out and don’t have much as others, the more unhappy we become and the less self belief we have. Beware the perils of spending too much time on social media. If you do – remember that a lot of what you see is exaggerated and isn’t reality. Others put on a ‘show’ but real life is seldom as glamorous as they’d like you to believe.

Practise gratitude

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, make sure you look at what is good in your life. There are always things to be grateful for but the way the world is structured leads us to constantly compare. Making comparisons inevitably leads to a sense of deprivation and feelings of inadequacy. Stop doing it! Be appreciative of what you do have and what works well for you. Focus on this regularly and if necessary – make a list that you can read regularly of all the things you love and appreciate in yourself and your life.

Validate yourself

We all like external validation. When others tell us we look great or that we have done a good job, it’s very satisfying. The trick is to NEVER rely on this external validation as a way to increase self belief. Make sure that you give yourself validation. Regularly talk to yourself in a positive and empowering manner. Tell yourself that you are wonderful and amazing. Focus often on all your fantastic characteristics – are you funny, kind, patient? Remind yourself of all your good qualities. Clients often (mistakenly) tell me that they think this is arrogance. Arrogance is thinking you are better than others. Confidence is liking and accepting yourself and making the best of you.

Maximise strengths, minimise weaknesses

No one is perfect and we can’t be good at everything. Get to know yourself well and know what you are good at. Work to increase your strengths and use them in your life. There is not point in doing something that exposes all your weaknesses and none of your strengths. Play to your strengths and remind yourself of all the good things you have achieved in your life. What have your successes been?

Positive attitude to failure

Never see yourself as a failure. Perhaps something you have done didn’t work out but always separate actions from yourself as a person – they are two different things. Define failure – to me, failure is completely giving up. Someone who tries and fails one hundred times is not a failure – they are a learner of life.

Keep the faith

There have been seriously dark times for me when I have felt rejected and feel I have failed at life. Times of extreme loneliness when I felt that I was worthless. This is normal and you can’t possibly feel 100% confident all of the time. What you need to do though during the dark times of self doubt is sit tight and keep the faith. Remind yourself that you are still the same amazing person and although you don’t quite feel connected to that confident part of you – it’s still there.

Life will move on and your light will shine again. Never stop believing in yourself even when you feel the world has. Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Choose your thoughts carefully and be kind to yourself.

Practise self compassion

Always always be kind to yourself. That means – no critical self talk. Be caring towards yourself as you would someone you loved dearly. Imagine yourself as that cute little 5 year old child – how would you talk to your 5 year old self? You would cuddle them and tell them things will improve. You would encourage them and tell them they are brilliant.

Create goals

Make sure you have some goals, something to work towards. When we have goals in place it creates structure and purpose in our lives and helps boost us psychologically. Put together a list of goals for yourself that are:

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Measurable and time bound (SMART goals)

When you have self belief you are far more likely to be successful. Your thinking will spur you on. Research has proven time and time again that when we are positive and focus on our strengths and nurture our self belief, we get more done. Believing is half the battle!

Mandy X

 

 

 

Love yourself

 

happy woman photo

Love yourself

Believe it or not, when resilience is called for it is often those who have self belief and love themselves who are more successful than the talented ones. Self belief often wins over talent. I would say that the majority of my clients do not love themselves. In fact, I would say it’s the exception rather than the rule to find someone who has tons of self belief and really likes themselves.

Someone may have all the trappings of success, such as a great job, a wonderful family and financial stability yet they can still feel empty and unhappy because they do not like themselves enough and as result they never really enjoy the fruits of their labour. There is always something missing.

You are far better off if you possess healthy positive feelings about yourself and take pride in who you are than possessing all the riches on the earth.

Many good wonderful people lack self belief and self-love. The beginnings of this self-defeating behaviour often starts in childhood. As a child you don’t have the sophistication to reason and save yourself from any damage you may be experiencing. Critical parents, being bullied at school or an unhealthy home environment can all detract from healthy self-love. Your identity is shaped by the individuals around you and you believe what you’re told.

Parents can be guilty of the most appalling neglect and ignorance when it comes to giving the children healthy self-respect. As adults we have a duty to ourselves to challenge any negative messages that we were given as children and to replace them with more rational alternatives, as well as realise the flaws in our own parents.

I recently worked with a client who had very damaging views about herself and as result her behaviour led to him missing many positive opportunities in her life. On some deeper level she did not believe she deserved any happiness or love. Together we worked on changing her views about herself. Unless you have consciously ‘detoxed’ yourself from negative childhood messages, you may be holding self-defeating and self-limiting beliefs about yourself. Definitely excess baggage that you are free to cast off at any time.

Loving yourself is contagious. The more you love you the more others will too. Appreciate yourself more and talk kindly to yourself as you would a best friend. You came into this world

and you will leave it on your own. At some point in between it makes sense to get comfortable with yourself.

Write down reasons to like yourself and make a list of all your strengths and achievements.

Challenge negative thoughts about yourself, you really do have a choice when it comes to what you want to believe about yourself.

Pamper yourself and see it as a way of honouring you and your life.

Don’t neglect yourself-make sure you take good care of yourself. See yourself as fabulous, likeable and utterly lovable!!

I have had to work very hard to undo negative programming from my childhood. I do not believe I would have achieved very much in my life had I allowed all the negative messages to define me. I have forgiven but not forgotten and use my progress in life to reinforce how far I have come. The more I achieve and the more I foster self belief, the greater my power grows. I have refused to allow small mindedness as well as mean-spirited and ignorant adults to affect my life forever. They no longer have this power over me.

Mandy X

Self Belief

 

Success

Success (Photo credit: Celestine Chua)

I spent years trying to gain accreditation. Learning more skills. Getting additional skills to finally learn that the talent and skill within me needed to be shared rather than perfected. Alan Sugar once said that he was more interested in the way a person comes across than their paper CV. Of course, a person needs some kind of academic back up but it’s sad when many people live limited lives because they don’t feel worthy.

I especially love the movie: The King’s Speech.Geoffrey Rush plays the part of Lionel Logue -an obscure self taught speech therapist. He was not formally trained yet managed to cure the king of a speech impediment. He obviously believed in himself and got the job done despite being looked down upon by the established speech therapists.

You may not succeed each and every time but you will most definitely enjoy life more and achieve your potential by believing in yourself. When we don’t possess self belief, we fill our minds with impossibilities. We limit ourselves and cut off opportunities. If you don’t believe in yourself, how do you realistically expect others to?

If I had listened to the ‘nay sayers’ I would never have achieved anything. I listened to what others had to say but I still ultimately made up my own mind and found out for myself. More often that not, my experience was different in many ways to what others experienced. This is down to the fact that I have a different attitude to life. I try as much as possible to ignore any preconceived ideas about life and others and approach new experiences with a child like wonder.

You can increase your self belief. Here’s how:

1) Don’t automatically believe what others tell you. Take heed and adjust where necessary but don’t let others stop you if it is important.

2)Believe in the impossible. Try it out. See life as an adventure.

3) Never ever talk down to yourself. It’s okay to say things like “I may not be the best but I will still try with all my might”. This is much more powerful talk than something like “I will probably be useless so there’s no point in trying” or “I will just make a fool of myself and fail”. Failing is fine – at least it shows you are trying. Someone who tries and fails is ten times better than those that never try and take pleasure in other people’s misfortune. Never mind though – most of these pessimists end up bitter, twisted and miserable anyhow!

4) Care less what other think. Other people’s opinions can be a major handbrake in getting ahead in life. There are those that feel threatened as they don’t have the guts to try and when they see someone else trying, it threatens them. What if you did succeed at something that they have spent their lives believing is impossible?

5) Stop dreaming and start doing. Small baby steps. Write your goals down on paper and list small steps towards creating this goal. Do something small every day. This helps bring meaning to your life too which automatically raises positive feelings/emotions.

Mandy X

 

 

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Think big

Think Big

Think Big

 

Along with thinking big comes a large amount of self belief. So, how do you get it? Being able to drown out the noise of others and stick to your guns is the first step. Others, unfortunately, can be great triggers for self doubt. They will question what you want to do, they will question your ideas and if you don’t have the self belief you might give in to that self doubt.

Self belief is crucial in getting ahead. Be your number one fan and love your ideas, live your ideas and don’t allow anyone to sway you from your course. You may not always be right, but it is the people with self conviction that end up finding a way. Too many of us are prepared to give up. We worry about failure and the subsequent embarrassment we may face. Especially here in the UK, there are many critical cynics saying “it can’t be done”, they tut from the sidelines are almost rejoice when things don’t go well for someone else.

You see – when you think big and you make things happen, you remind others that they aren’t doing the same. That uncomfortable self realisation hits home that they are just plodding. Deep down, the ‘nay-sayers’ probably admire the gutsy people, although they would never admit it.

Do you play safe with your own life? Do you stop yourself from thinking big? Faith in yourself can move mountains. Believing in yourself is half the battle. It also puts you ahead of 70% of the world population.

Do you know what you are really capable of? have you ever pushed yourself far enough to know your limits? There are so many people with untapped potential – all because they are too afraid to think big.

So, ask yourself – what would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?? Write it down. Then think about ways to start getting it – small step every day that can take you towards your goal. Don’t let the thought of failure stop you. The idea of failure and the impossible is only an opinion.

Mandy X