Tag Archives: break up

Life sucks sometimes

sad woman photo

 

Life sucks sometimes

It’s a fact, life sucks sometimes. People come into your life and steal your heart and then leave just as quickly as they entered.It’s hard to open up again and take the risk of letting someone else in. Should you trust them with your fragile feelings? I guess life is a risk and you can protect yourself forever or you can be brave and try to let love back in again. Life sucks for various reasons not just due to fading relationships.

I am writing this as it is close to my heart and I like to use this blog to write about all sorts of things. My own life serves as inspiration for blog posts, especially when I know there are many others experiencing similar things. I try to use hard times to learn and apply my professional experience to heal. I use this to help others if I can and to support my clients going through similar things. No one is immune to life, no matter how much ‘wisdom’ and/or knowledge you have.

Being rejected for something you have no control over is tough. He loved me until I told him I had health issues and that was that. He hung in but not for too long. Heart break central! His loss…

You have to believe that things happen for a reason. Being philosophical can be a blessing in life. Some things are beyond our control – like the feelings and thoughts of other people.

What needs to happen – focus on yourself, the only thing you can control. Make the most of yourself, never put yourself down and know that you are special whether someone else recognises it or not. Don’t allow your value and self worth to be wrapped up in the validation from others. Easier said than done but work on loving who you are. Someone who doesn’t want to be with you doesn’t deserve you in the first place. A broken relationship leaves you free to find the person who will love you, warts and all.

Well, that’s what I tell myself and it seems to work most of the time! Life sucks but always remember it won’t (thankfully) stay that way. Visualise yourself in the future, happy and carefree again. Each day, every second – you are closer to that happier place!

Mandy X

get your ex back

Get Your Ex Back

romance photo

How do you get your ex back when the relationship seems over? Nothing hurts quite as much as being rejected. When a relationship fails to work out, it can feel like a bereavement. All your dreams about the future have to be put on hold. It can be one of the hardest emotional experiences to get through.

So, is there a way to get your ex back? Is it even a good idea if things weren’t working? Here are a few things to consider…

 

What were the reasons for the split? Was it a fundamental reason such as marriage or children? Differences in this regard are more difficult to circumvent. Was it due to a lack of love and affection? Again, there are certain issues that can be overcome but take more effort and commitment.

There are many times when a relationship can be reinstated. Especially when both partners have a tendency to go into child-mode with each other. Child-mode involves behaviour such as: ignoring each other, tit-for-tat actions, sulking and other immature, non productive behaviour.This counter-productive can be changed with the right guidance.

The first thing to do when you want your ex back is to not act needy. Being needy is off-putting and automatically sends out a message that you are the underdog. Instead, work from a place of power.

Remind yourself of your strengths and talk to yourself in a positive manner. Say things to yourself like: I am great company. I am funny, intelligent and fun to be around. It is important to psych yourself up – your body language will follow this positive inner talk.

Give yourself a little time to take the ’emotional edge’ off. When we are too emotional about something, we can act in a crazy and uncontrolled manner. Take a few days out, even if your mind is obsessed with thoughts of your ex. Contacting your ex too soon could do more harm than good. Take some time to let your rational side emerge. You will be in a much better place and any contact with your ex will have a better chance of succeeding.

Some websites suggest that you should have no contact if you want to get your ex back. This only works in some instances. If your ex feels unloved and neglected and that is part of the reason you split up, the worst thing you can do is to go quiet for a month or two. Getting your ex back involves a healthy amount of emotional intelligence. You need to be able to read the situation and decide whether too much contact will be problematic.

When in doubt, keep in contact but make no demands. Don’t be pushy or bossy. In order to have the best chance to get your ex back, it is important for them to know that you are in a positive frame of mind when it comes to rekindling the relationship.

Be fun and restore the good things that you shared. Try not to be too serious initially. Your ultimate goal should be to help your ex remember what was good about the two of you. Try not to revert to type if, at first, they reject your attempts.

Giving your ex a little time on their own does help too – give them a chance to miss you. If you bombard them with messages, you will be an annoyance and there will no opportunities for the good feelings to emerge.

Don’t over do, take it one day at a time and keep calm. Sometimes situations just cannot be controlled. Accept what you are able to influence and what is out of your reach.

Mandy X

 

 

Summary

Don’t be needy

Take some time out to gain perspective

Work on yourself – positive self talk

Make sure you want to get your ex back for the right reasons  – love not fear of being alone

How to cope with the end of a relationship

 

break ups

break ups

The end of a relationship

Just because a relationship has ended, it does not mean that something beautiful isn’t around the corner. The end of a relationship creates space for something else, at the very least for yourself and who you are… And from there, all possibilities are possible.

Shame and Guilt

Shame and guilt are often involved at the end of a relationship, especially if there are children. Children fare much better when they are surrounded by happy parents that are separated  than parents who stay together but are miserable.

You may feel sad about it having ended, if it was an unhealthy relationship consider how much sadder you might have been if it had continued.

In some relationships you feel you can’t live with your partner and you can’t live without them. Identify the factors that push your partner or trigger negative behaviour and deal with them. If you do not, this pattern will go on and  there will come a point when you no longer feel strong enough to leave the relationship.

You may feel that this was your soul mate and you ask yourself how you can continue without them at the end of the relationship, even though it was an unhealthy relationship. It is necessary to constantly remind yourself of the negatives of the relationship and the  possible positives that await you in the future.

If you felt that you were in a’ soul mate’ relationship, but it was an unhealthy relationship, realise that the negatives most likely outweighed the positives and that you deserve someone who loves and cherishes you instead of wearing you down. If you are worried about  rejection or being turned down, you will most likely be wondering how will you find someone  again, There are a few things to be said on that. Firstly you must identify all your strengths – all that is wonderful and unique about you.. Give yourself credit. Next, realise it is an abundant universe and there is someone else out there who will make you feel adored and more, who will treat you well and wants what you want too.

There may be ‘noise’… whether from your ex partner or from others around them or you regarding the end of the relationship. Don’t let it distract you. Make decisions that you are congruent with. You will have to live with them. Do not be scared of making the wrong decision; you can only make the best decision you can at that moment in time. If fear wasn’t a factor what would you do? This puts you more in touch with your spirit.

It is important to realise that no matter how bad it may seem at the end of a relationship, or no matter how scary it may seem, it will get better. This phase will pass and you will enter a new phase. The choices you now make, including the  thoughts and feelings you choose to nurture and believe, will influence the new faith/future that comes.

There are no guarantees in life but I can say with certainty that if you allow fear to rule your decisions and sell yourself short as a result, you will be unlikely to feel happy and content. Follow your heart, trust your instincts and have faith that life is unfolding for you exactly as it’s meant to.

Your ‘love’ is out there…possibly looking for you too. They might be on holiday right now or walking in a park or doing something more mundane such as grocery shopping – but they are real and you will cross paths. Be patient..

Mandy X