Tag Archives: breakups

Life sucks sometimes

sad woman photo

 

Life sucks sometimes

It’s a fact, life sucks sometimes. People come into your life and steal your heart and then leave just as quickly as they entered.It’s hard to open up again and take the risk of letting someone else in. Should you trust them with your fragile feelings? I guess life is a risk and you can protect yourself forever or you can be brave and try to let love back in again. Life sucks for various reasons not just due to fading relationships.

I am writing this as it is close to my heart and I like to use this blog to write about all sorts of things. My own life serves as inspiration for blog posts, especially when I know there are many others experiencing similar things. I try to use hard times to learn and apply my professional experience to heal. I use this to help others if I can and to support my clients going through similar things. No one is immune to life, no matter how much ‘wisdom’ and/or knowledge you have.

Being rejected for something you have no control over is tough. He loved me until I told him I had health issues and that was that. He hung in but not for too long. Heart break central! His loss…

You have to believe that things happen for a reason. Being philosophical can be a blessing in life. Some things are beyond our control – like the feelings and thoughts of other people.

What needs to happen – focus on yourself, the only thing you can control. Make the most of yourself, never put yourself down and know that you are special whether someone else recognises it or not. Don’t allow your value and self worth to be wrapped up in the validation from others. Easier said than done but work on loving who you are. Someone who doesn’t want to be with you doesn’t deserve you in the first place. A broken relationship leaves you free to find the person who will love you, warts and all.

Well, that’s what I tell myself and it seems to work most of the time! Life sucks but always remember it won’t (thankfully) stay that way. Visualise yourself in the future, happy and carefree again. Each day, every second – you are closer to that happier place!

Mandy X

Thoughts on rebound relationships

 

broken heart photo

Thoughts on rebound relationships

Are rebound relationships a good thing or a bad thing? Can they work? Rational thinking would dictate that it is probably best to leave some space between the end of one relationship and the beginning of a new relationship. My thoughts on rebound relationships are that they can work under some circumstances but there is a higher majority of rebound relationships that don’t work out.

The reason for rebound relationships not working out are varied but the main reason is that the relationship starts in a dysfunctional place. Emotions aren’t neutral and one partner (or both) will be looking to fill a void. In essence they choose someone out of need rather than because they really want the relationship for the right reasons. A sense of urgency develops and needs can be compromised, standards lowered in order to meet urgent emotional voids left by the previous relationship.

When we act on emotional urges we tend to use different parts of our brain (the emotional part – amygdala and hippocampus) and we rationalise in a different way. What may seem a good idea to the emotional brain may not be such a good idea to the rational, healthy mind a few month’s down the line.

Of course, rebound relationships can take away some of the pain of a previous relationship breakup and focus our attention somewhere else. As a counsellor, I have seen people do this, only to end up back in therapy because they haven’t dealt with their underlying issues – looking for another person to fix them rather than them taking the time out to fix themselves and get into a better place emotionally.

It is always a good idea to ‘reset’ your emotional and healthy reasoning mind back to zero, so to speak. With a rebound relationship, nothing is reset and it can be likened to a train starting off from the station without being on the rails properly. A rebound relationship can be a plaster for unresolved trauma and pain.

I know someone who lost his wife eighteen months ago. He hadn’t fully grieved her loss but was emotionally needy and sought out relationships very quickly. He inadvertently wanted his new partners to be similar to his wife and was unable to tolerate differences between their behaviour and his ex-wife’s behaviour. A clear sign that he was not fully over the loss. No one can take the place of another and only by resetting our emotional state (by self exploration and some time out) can we be ready to accept a new person – good and bad.

Rebound relationships can however help someone to move on quicker, perhaps not necessarily in the healthiest way but it can speed up the length of time that one feels heartache. There will always be a danger though that the emotional connection in the rebound realtionship is damaged due to all the emotional baggage that has come into the relationship. Emotional detachment may exist. Comparisons tend to be stronger between the current partner and ex partner in rebound relationships and thinking and emotions may be distorted.

train photo

Where possible, get the train ‘back on the tracks’ in the station before leaving again for a new destination. Some people can do this fairly quickly and enter into a new relationship with robust stability. Each situation is different but the most important aspect is to work at feeling stable emotionally before starting something new.

Mandy X

 

 

Coping with Breakups or any other Emotional Stress

 

emotional stress

Coping with Breakups or any other Emotional Stress

Breakups and emotional stress can be very unsparing. You go crumple yourself up on the bed and cry all day wishing the feeling would end as soon as possible. You crave for a certain kind of security only a person closest to your heart could give and they end up not being on your side when you need them the most. That is the kind of emotion that breakups daunt on us. It marks us with painful experiences that shackle what is left in our system. After all, we have believed the promises and delights of a love shared with someone but ended up splitting with them from an array of reasons.

We crave food and other things under emotional stress. Perhaps we get pistachio ice cream and watch movies while crying but there is consolation in that. We walk our dogs on the park and have a breath of fresh air. A visit or a chat with spiritual advisors can be a good experience especially if we believe these things could help alleviate our current feelings. These are things that we could possibly do in order to cope with breakups and while we are not saying that these are not good or ineffective, these are short-term actions to help us be better individuals who have learned from our experiences on love and life. On the other hand, there are various reasons and actions to live by and help us to stay happy and stimulated with future endeavors and our experience of love in the long run.

Focus

Staying focused is one way of helping us reach our very best especially in times of great distress and heartbreaks. Think of the very things that make you happy, focus and be better on that. It can be your hobbies, talents and even your present careers in life. This is very helpful especially on people who are confused on the things that matter most and when they doubt on themselves and the things they can and cannot accomplish whilst under such experience of emotional ache and affliction. Stay grounded on the things that one needs to concentrate more in order to uplift one’s personal view of the life and every events ahead. Focus not on the mere things that lacks attention but also remind oneself to improve from other things you focused upon during the past.

Goals

Know your goals at present and the goals you need to pursue in the future. These are as important as your time and the actions you take in order to be the best version of yourself. Also, if you mind keeping a list then it’s not actually a painful work to do. Manage your time for the sake of goals to be done and always set the pace for works and actions to ensure vitality and energy in everything not only on your career but also on your family and relationships to other people. Admire every effort that other people input in your life in turn making your goals achievable in the most efficient process. Celebrate your achievements and never settle for your loss. You can always be better in every single day!

Growth

Always be reminded that heartbreaks does not mean measuring your tolerance for emotional pain. Be brave to accept your weakness and braver to overcome and champion these bad assets. Grow in harmony to your will and the life you want to live therefore do not ask for the presence of someone to validate your individuality. Choose your own happiness and grow from all of circumstances in life however bad or good they are. Never measure your growth on tangible things but develop on the things that could not be seen by the human eye especially traits, values, inner peace and the ability to conquer every obstacle that one faces. Also, think on growing and developing for yourself rather than for others because this can only be one of the greatest things that human lives could ever learn from love and life and everything in between.

growth and passion

Passion

Continue being passionate about everything you admire and do not underestimate your own self for your own survival from heartbreaks and other various emotional stress humankind is experiencing. Being passionate is understanding one’s capability to love despite of the many experiences and events that have happened in the past and is continuing to shape our present. Passion is everything you need to remember yourself when you feel like not wanting to fall in love with someone in the future. You can be passionate on keeping your various relationships with other people but do not seclude yourself from falling in love all over again. After all, what matters most is the passion to continue living without the thought of all the people that left and the circumstances that brought to heartbreaks and other stresses in life.

Hope

Hope is when you believe that there is still goodness in everything how much they have made you different from your past self. Change can only either be good or bad and always strive and hope for the former. Do not hope for the tragedy of others but hope on the better experiences of people surrounding your life. Cherish every moment with them and learn to respect and value their presence in the most challenging and saddening times. One cannot cope up fully from distress if he or she shall not learn the importance of hope besides we can only hope for the better future and the better individuals we could ever be!

These are not ultimatums or ultimate tips or the greatest breakup guides you could ever found but just simple things and reminders to believe that there is always a reason to survive breakups and other emotional stresses. There is always a reason to live life and be invigorated by its many bumps and dirty tracks but most importantly learn and know how to deal with these to know that you are on the right track on the way home to realizations.

Images by Victor Ilunga and Pixabay under Public Domains CC0

Exes and relationships

 

Exes and relationships

I’ve been asked to help promote a new TV series that looks interesting (no payment involved!)…for those of you in the UK who might be interested…read further… Mandy X

Flyer TV

 

NEW TV SERIES

Award winning TV company Twofour Broadcast (Educating Yorkshire, The Jump) are looking for people to take part in a new prime-time TV series for a major channel.

This exciting new series will explore unresolved past relationships, and we are specifically looking to speak with people who want to rekindle love, ask some burning questions or find closure for once and for all.

We’re looking for men and women 18 or over, all sexual orientations welcome and we’re casting nationwide.

During this warm and positive experience couples who are no longer together will have the opportunity to meet again in a comfortable and relaxed environment, to talk through their relationship honestly and openly.

FILMING INFORMATION:

Filming will involve ex couples reuniting for one evening in a luxury apartment.

The unique ‘fixed rig’ filming style means cameras are discreet and non-intrusive. This allows couples to feel relaxed in their own space without the presence of a filming crew.

Filming is due to take place across 2 days in January 2017.

All travel expenses will be covered as well as dinner and accommodation.

If you’re interested or know someone else who might be then get in touch today.

We look forward to hearing from you! EMAIL: RELATIONSHIPS@TWOFOUR.CO.UK FOR MORE INFO