Tag Archives: champion yourself

How to increase self belief

 

confidence photo

How to increase self belief

If you want to know how to increase self belief – listen up. This may be the most important information you’ll ever read. I have accomplished so much more in my life by working on my self belief. It’s a constant effort and I have to work on it daily but the results are worth it. Here are my top tips on how to become your own number one fan:

Understand that if you don’t believe in yourself, very few other people will. When you give off confidence and self acceptance, others don’t tend to question this. In fact, they will be more drawn to you. Confident people make others feel safe and they act as magnets socially. People like confidence. They won’t question your right to be so confident – they will just see someone who really seems to like themselves and that’s immensely attractive.

There are many things in life that can decrease our self belief and that is why it is a repetitive effort to keep the self belief alive. Social media, like Facebook and Instagram don’t help self belief at all. The more we think we are missing out and don’t have much as others, the more unhappy we become and the less self belief we have. Beware the perils of spending too much time on social media. If you do – remember that a lot of what you see is exaggerated and isn’t reality. Others put on a ‘show’ but real life is seldom as glamorous as they’d like you to believe.

Practise gratitude

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, make sure you look at what is good in your life. There are always things to be grateful for but the way the world is structured leads us to constantly compare. Making comparisons inevitably leads to a sense of deprivation and feelings of inadequacy. Stop doing it! Be appreciative of what you do have and what works well for you. Focus on this regularly and if necessary – make a list that you can read regularly of all the things you love and appreciate in yourself and your life.

Validate yourself

We all like external validation. When others tell us we look great or that we have done a good job, it’s very satisfying. The trick is to NEVER rely on this external validation as a way to increase self belief. Make sure that you give yourself validation. Regularly talk to yourself in a positive and empowering manner. Tell yourself that you are wonderful and amazing. Focus often on all your fantastic characteristics – are you funny, kind, patient? Remind yourself of all your good qualities. Clients often (mistakenly) tell me that they think this is arrogance. Arrogance is thinking you are better than others. Confidence is liking and accepting yourself and making the best of you.

Maximise strengths, minimise weaknesses

No one is perfect and we can’t be good at everything. Get to know yourself well and know what you are good at. Work to increase your strengths and use them in your life. There is not point in doing something that exposes all your weaknesses and none of your strengths. Play to your strengths and remind yourself of all the good things you have achieved in your life. What have your successes been?

Positive attitude to failure

Never see yourself as a failure. Perhaps something you have done didn’t work out but always separate actions from yourself as a person – they are two different things. Define failure – to me, failure is completely giving up. Someone who tries and fails one hundred times is not a failure – they are a learner of life.

Keep the faith

There have been seriously dark times for me when I have felt rejected and feel I have failed at life. Times of extreme loneliness when I felt that I was worthless. This is normal and you can’t possibly feel 100% confident all of the time. What you need to do though during the dark times of self doubt is sit tight and keep the faith. Remind yourself that you are still the same amazing person and although you don’t quite feel connected to that confident part of you – it’s still there.

Life will move on and your light will shine again. Never stop believing in yourself even when you feel the world has. Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Choose your thoughts carefully and be kind to yourself.

Practise self compassion

Always always be kind to yourself. That means – no critical self talk. Be caring towards yourself as you would someone you loved dearly. Imagine yourself as that cute little 5 year old child – how would you talk to your 5 year old self? You would cuddle them and tell them things will improve. You would encourage them and tell them they are brilliant.

Create goals

Make sure you have some goals, something to work towards. When we have goals in place it creates structure and purpose in our lives and helps boost us psychologically. Put together a list of goals for yourself that are:

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Measurable and time bound (SMART goals)

When you have self belief you are far more likely to be successful. Your thinking will spur you on. Research has proven time and time again that when we are positive and focus on our strengths and nurture our self belief, we get more done. Believing is half the battle!

Mandy X

 

 

 

Arrogance?

Arrogance??

Arrogance??

 

I tell many of my clients about the importance of loving themselves. It’s vital to be your own best friend and champion yourself. If you don’t, then who will? Part of liking yourself means living a life that you are proud of, where you live according your values and morals. Whether that be telling the truth, helping others or being the same person no matter who you are with rather than being manipulative or two-faced. Doing whatever encourages self love is okay.

The common response I receive when I recommend that clients regularly tell themselves how wonderful they are ( I have even suggested kissing yourself in the mirror each morning which has raised a few eyebrows!) is that this sort of behaviour is arrogant.

There is a big difference between championing and liking yourself and being arrogant. Arrogance is an attitude of superiority, of believing that you are better than others. Self love just means that you believe that you are as good as anyone else out there. That you have the right to your own opinion and the right to follow what inspires you and makes you happy (as long as it does not impact negatively upon someone else, of course).

Society conditions us to constantly question ourselves and compare ourselves to others. This keeps many of us limited in what we can achieve. We wallow in self doubt and believe that any hint of valuing ourselves and actually considering our own needs is against the greater good and that we must feel guilt with such an attitude.

I am giving you permission to like yourself despite what others may think. Self love often encourages more love and high regard for others. It is always those people that are happy within themselves that judge the least and project the least venom onto others. There is love within them, not anger or frustration. So it makes sense to nurture love and good feelings within you.

Make a list of how you feel you should conduct yourself and what you can do/be to like yourself. It’s not necessarily about achieving, it has more to do with kindness, tolerance and patience for yourself and others.

When you cultivate this you will find it coming back to you. Others can sense self-love and they will love you too..it’s contagious!

Mandy X

Self Belief – Five ways to increase it

Discover-Self belief

Self Belief – Five ways to improve your confidence in yourself.

Self belief is feeling good enough. It’s the feeling that you can handle whatever life throws at you. A Healthy appreciation of your skills, talents and abilities.

Here are ways to improve your self belief:

 

1) Don’t belittle yourself

Constant criticism will turn you into the person you are desperate not to be. Talk positively to yourself and you’ll start behaving in a way that reinforces that thought pattern.

2) Prize yourself.

Expect the best and tell yourself you deserve it

3) Be aware if your beliefs about the world.

What do you want to believe about you? The truth is that you can believe anything you want. Whatever you choose to believe will be true for you. You accumulate evidence to prove/justify your beliefs whether they are negative or positive…why would you allow negative thoughts to linger then? What purpose do they serve?

4) Take responsibility

Don’t blame others/circumstances for your position in life. You are responsible through past choices and decisions for where you are in your life right now. Don’t see yourself as a powerless victim at the mercy of others. Take back your power and make the decision to change whatever you don’t like or at least take positive steps towards improving the situation. Be self reliant.

5) Improve Happiness

Do this by laughing every day. Think about the things in your life that you are grateful for. The happier your outlook the more you tune in to the good things out there. Possibilities will present themselves that won’t be there if you allow cynicism and bitterness to swallow you up. Don’t take yourself or life too seriously.

It’s impossible to think 100% good thoughts about ourselves 100% of the time but being aware of your thinking and outlook can go a long way to improving the quality of your life.

 

Mandy X