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Change is inevitable

 

 

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Change is inevitable

An indisputable fact of life is that change is a continuous process that we all have to adapt to. Life moves on and we get older. The seasons come and go and people come and go from our lives too. Sometimes change is positive  such as the arrival of a new baby or moving into a bigger house but it can also be negative like a relationship that ends or someone passing away.

Change is inevitable and our attitude to change is what makes the situation easier when the change is negative.

Tips for dealing with change

Focus on what you can control

When we focus on what we can’t control we create unnecessary anxiety and stress in our lives. We cannot control the thoughts and actions of others, all we can control is our own thoughts and actions. This is where your power lies, bring your focus back to yourself. Always ask yourself whether what you are worrying about is within your control. If it isn’t, learn to let it go.

Practice ‘non-attachment’

Everything in life is temporary – your possessions and even the people in your life. This idea provokes anxiety for a lot of people but use this to your advantage. Learn to really appreciate what you have now as it won’t be there forever. Practicing a certain amount of non-attachment is a good thing as it is a worldly reminder that life is transient and that we should never take for granted the people in our lives. The less attachment we have to physical possessions, the happier we are. Being too attached to material possessions brings with it anxiety and a desire to exert control. This control is something many people chase but it is a waste of energy in the long run.

Live in the moment as much as possible

We all scare ourselves unnecessarily with fearful thoughts about the future. “What if this happens or what if that becomes a reality?”. More often than not the fearful thoughts are far worse than the reality would be and it is our inability to cope with uncertainty that leads many of us to feel anxious. Practising mindfulness is a great way to allay fears and to enjoy the moment more. When we are living inside our heads and worrying about the future, we are losing precious moments to feel happy and content. Try to focus your attention on what is going on around you. Practise focusing your attention in the present moment. If you catch your mind wandering to the future, refocus on your environment – what can you see, hear, touch…? This does take practise but keep at it!

Goals and purpose

Committing to a purpose that is greater than ourselves is a wonderful way to bring meaning into life. What are your long term and short term goals? Create a visualisation board with images of where you would like to be in a year or two years…what do you see?

Having something to work towards can help you to feel stronger when you are experiencing moments of self doubt. A bigger picture can help you to stay on track.

Change is inevitable but it doesn’t have to be something we fear. Instead of resisting it, learn to work with it as if you have chosen that change on purpose. There is a lesson in every life experience and change we go through.

Mandy X

 

 

How to Promote peace and contentment

 

peace and contentment

How to promote peace and contentment

Be realistically positive

Sure, life has horrible bits, very horrible bits in fact, but you CAN learn the skill of looking for solutions rather than pessimistically going over the same things in your mind. When we churn the same information over in our minds without looking for possible solutions, we end up downtrodden and miserable. If there is no present solution to a problem, possibly due to the fact that it is something beyond your control, it is also possible to learn the skill of ‘mental shelving’. Put it aside, distract yourself but be firm with yourself when there is no longer any action you can take towards a situation. For example – someone has betrayed you and left you feeling hurt. If there is an action to be taken to alleviate or rectify the situation, do it. If you have done your bit and you are now waiting for a response or there is no action you can take, it is a waste of your mental and emotional energy to spend too much time dwelling on it. Focus back on the present moment and on what is within your immediate control. This takes practise and isn’t an exact science but it is a skill that can be learned and improved upon and it WILL lead you closer to peace and contentment.

You have choices

This may seem a harsh and blunt statement but you can CHOOSE how much you want a situation to affect you. The thoughts in your head and your attitude are your choice. Think about it. It is for you to decide what is important in your life and what isn’t. If you don’t want something to overwhelm you and be overly important, it doesn’t have to be. There is always a way to look at something, or a story you can tell yourself to make a situation appear less threatening or upsetting. The thoughts and beliefs we choose will affect the level an intensity of the attached emotions. Learn to challenge your thoughts, they are perceptions of reality, not reality itself and there can be a VAST difference between them. I see how clients get upset over situations and torture themselves for ages with their thinking, only to find out later that the way they viewed the situation was completely inaccurate and that they made faulty assumptions. They have therefore spent precious moments of their lives unhappy and sad when there was no reason for it. Be selective with the thoughts you decide to believe and focus on. There will always, always be another way to view a situation that will lead you to feeling more peace and contentment.

Limit time brooding

Ask yourself how long you want to spend thinking about something and letting it get the better of you. Ask yourself if this type of mental activity is helpful. Allowing negative, worrisome thoughts to stay for longer than necessary is purely a form of masochism.

Don’t take yourself so seriously

Learn to see the humorous side of life and never take yourself too seriously. See your time on this earth as a chance to experiment and have fun. The end result is the same and whilst you are here on this ‘physical plane’ you have the chance to affect those around you, when you are gone that opportunity is lost. Lose your fear, get out there and do what you want. Embrace fear and uncertainty and have a good laugh at the same time. If you take yourself too seriously you can reduce your chance for peace and contentment.

Be proactive

No one likes risking it, especially in relationships where we risk rejection and abandonment (one of my greatest fears!). Learn to be brave and express yourself in relationships when there is ambiguity. Put yourself out there a little, the other person may be just as scared as you are.

Test the waters gently if need be but dip your toe in. Live a life full of life lessons than one where you look back and feel you lost many opportunities. Instead of constantly reacting to another person’s moods, learn to set the tone and express your wants and wishes too.

Being proactive helps us to feel like masters over our destinies…we can sometimes be in the lead rather than passively going with the flow.

There are many clever ways to protect your mood and buffer yourself from the wild elements of life. This is goes on internally – it really is true: happiness is an inside job.

Mandy X

 

 

Get Ahead in Life

 

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1) Champion yourself and believe in your self. Never ever criticise yourself and or talk negatively to yourself or about yourself to others. Its okay to acknowledge that you may be impatient or lazy..we are all human but do not engage in self talk such as “I am a failure, I am useless I am worthless” These are pervasive statements that are all encompassing..no one is ALWAYS useless or unloveable etc. and I’ll bet if you really think about it you will find examples of when this hasn’t been true. There must be a time when someone loved you, there must be a time when you did something useful.

SEPARATE you, the person, from what you DO – you can try something that fails but that just means what you tried didn’t work. That particular action was unsuccessful. It is completely irrational to then label You, the person as a failure..and anyway – WHAT is your definition of failure?? Failure to me is giving up completely. It means not trying at all…so as long as I am trying and (possibly)failing, I am not a failure…treat yourself as you would a dearly beloved person in your life. You owe it to yourself. This is non negotiable!

2) Step out of your comfort zone regularly and face your fears. This is the best way to grow as a person , learn your strengths and weaknesses and become a more rounded person. Stay small and fearful and you will remain in your little shell, frightened of the world. Ask yourself what is the worst that can  happen. Don’t let fearful thoughts and self doubt stop you…just get on with it. Give it some thought but don’t think too much because this can lead to ‘analysis paralysis’.

3) Care less what others think. Live your life for you. You must be responsible for yourself and live with your decisions, not those that judge you or tell you that you can’t do something. They have their own lives to live and their own decisions to make. They take their eye off the ball when they worry too much about what others are doing and not enough about their own goals and aspirations. Don’t be like them.

4) Seek out inspiration – whether its other people, solitude, nature, reading, exercise..whatever gives you a buzz..make time for it. Time out from life to recharge is vital. It allows us time to take stock, check that we’re on track and living the life we want (or are on the right path at least). Life can drain our resources and we need to be aware of ‘topping up’ regularly.

5) Develop a good social support network. We need others and we need a shoulder to cry on. To know we are cared for. Nurture relationships. Give and take. Connect with others to really feel alive and understood – it’s a great feeling. Be on the ball with what’s going on in the world. Don’t isolate yourself.

6) Stand up for yourself. Be assertive. Have conviction about right and wrong. Others may try to push you around, manipulate you and foist their desires upon you. Don’t be a people pleaser – think about why and whether it works for you in the long run. Compromising is good but not at the expense of self worth or dignity.

7) Develop a strong inner sense of who you are. What kind of person are you? One that gossips about others and puts on a fake smile and pretends to be someone they aren’t? Or are you someone who stays true to who they are regardless of the company they keep? Don’t change who you are to fit in..be true to you always!

8) Give back to the community – sense of purpose. Donate to charity, whatever you want to do but give back something. Spread goodwill and kindness. Not only will it make you feel good about yourself but you will be fulfilling a promise that you once made to yourself to make a difference.

9) Cultivate a sense of humour. See the funny side of life, be silly..take the pressure off yourself. Who made the rules anyhow? You do! Stop conforming, have a giggle and find fun wherever you go.

10) Be optimistic. Try to see the positive. Acknowledge the negative but dont let it bog you down. You can make life happy or sad – you choose with your thinking. Make thinking work for you.

Mandy X