Tag Archives: escape

Stop running away

 

stop running away

Stop running away

When life gets overwhelming, it is tempting to want to avoid problems, pretend they aren’t there and numb ourselves with some from of escapism such as alcohol, drugs, excessive spending, illicit affairs and so on.

The problem with this strategy is that avoidance often prolongs the issue that we are running away from, effectively extending our misery. Often we avoid something because we feel it will be unpleasurable – for example – confronting a partner about an unhappy relationship or leaving a job that you are no longer happy in. Running away doesn’t always consist of actively running away – it can also encompass denial and a refusal to tackle life issues.

Examine your attitude to the things you run away from. Instead of fear and avoidance, start telling yourself that embracing and confronting issues head on is where it’s at. Regularly repeat statements to yourself such as, “I am in control and will no longer tolerate unsuitable situations in my life”. “I will not be afraid to change my life circumstances as my goal is to improve my quality of life”. Initial change is scary for anyone but after the initial shock, you will feel the pleasure of knowing you are living a life of integrity and that you are ‘designing’ a life for yourself that is right…don’t settle and definitely don;t avoid out of fear. Be brave, see yourself as a Trojan – someone who isn’t afraid to tackle life and feel alive, even if feeling alive hurts sometimes.

The more you confront issues, the more empowered and confident you will ultimately feel. Don’t fear change, fear staying the same – fear accepting and ‘settling’…that is much more frightening.

Mandy X

10 Ways to feel free

 

free

10 Ways to feel free

  1. Stop caring about what others think

You automatically place yourself in virtual shackles when you worry about what others think of you. Ask yourself why it is so important to you. Often it is because we want to be liked but if you have to be someone other than who you really are in order to be liked, it’s a wasted effort as they like a version of the real you, not the real you. Those that still stick around irrespective of what you do are the ones you really want to focus on and keep around – not the judgemental ones.

The other thing to think about is that people are often more accepting of our true selves than we realise but due to our fear of being rejected, we never really test out the thought “If I am myself people won’t like me”. Get used to testing out your beliefs by doing ‘experiements’ in real life. I have found people are far more accepting and open minded than we give them credit for.

2, Stop watching the news for a while

The news is usually about things in the world that are negative and can lead us to feeling sad and powerlessness. Give it a skip now and then.

3. Worry less

When you find you are worrying without looking for a solution and instead the worry is non productive one, distract yourself. Don’t spend too much time in your head if you are just reviewing the same things repetitively.

4. Spend time in nature/or with animals/ exercise etc

We all need time to reset and refocus. Make sure you take time for a change of scenery to lighten the load and see life from another fresh perspective.

5. Be playful

Try not to take life too seriously. Let the child within you loose once in a while and ignore the etiquette forced upon all of us.

6. Maintain a sense of humour

Life can seem a lot less serious and upsetting when we see humour in a situation. Try find a way to laugh at yourself and the absurd world we live in.

7. Love and accept yourself

Living in a body you don’t like will not set you free so it makes sense to find a way to begin working with what you have been given. Accept yourself instead of fighting against yourself. Wasted energy!

8. Be true to yourself

We can feel the most free when we follow what feels right for us. Let go of expectations of others and learn to honour yourself and your goals.

9.See the bigger picture

Context plays a large part in how intensely we view a situation. Remind yourself that time heals and lessons stress and strain.

  1. 10. Have fun

Learn to make the most of the life you have.

Let go of cynicism and work of stocking your mind with more neutral thinking. Keep an open mind and be less judgemental. The more psychologically flexible the are, the freer we feel!

Mandy X

 

You can’t run away from yourself

 

running photo

 

You can’t run away from yourself

Our thinking styles follow us wherever we go. Many people lack self awareness of this and do not realise that they live their lives according to pre-existing beliefs. These beliefs have come from their parents, authority figures in their past as well as past experiences.

When we lack awareness of our inner ‘programming’, we lack the insight to challenge the outdated beliefs that we accept as valid. As a counsellor, part of my work involves identifying faulty assumptions that my clients make about themselves and the world. When we can idenitfy the thoughts and beliefs that hold us back, we can begin to challenge and replace them with thoughts and beliefs that serve us more effectively. Adhering to outdated and faulty thoughts leads to missed opportunities, to self limiting beliefs about our capabilities and can increase stress levels to umanageable levels.

On top of that, incorrect perceptions leads to a tendency to look for confirmation in the outside world of these faulty assumptions which often then encourages self fulfilling prophecies. For example, if someone believes that they are no good with the opposite sex, they will look for examples of when they have been rejected or when they were unsuccessful with the opposite sex. These reinforcers add to the likelihood of unhelpful behaviour, such as withdrawal and isolation. The cycle then continues. Tackling the inner programming is the start of looking at the world differently, changing the whole dynamic of the interaction.

Trying to relocate or starting a new relationship because the last three were a disaster is unlikely to solve the problem if these issues were caused by rigid and outdated thinking. As the title suggests – you can’t run away from yourself -and you can’t run away from your thinking.

When you address your thinking and your core beliefs, the ability to manage any situation becomes possible. It’s often not about fixing things on the outside, but rather a matter of adjusting your inner perceptions of the world around you that will lead you to a more contented, less stressed existence.

Mandy X

Do Something Different!

 

Never be afraid to try something new, because ...

Never be afraid to try something new, because life gets boring when you stay within the limits of what you already know. (Photo credit: deeplifequotes)

Did you know that most people tend to procrastinate? Are you one of them? Why do so many of us delay the inevitable? when you put effort and energy into trying to get what you want in ways that don’t work it will leave you frustrated and stuck. Ask yourself what it is that you want and what isn’t currently working in your life. What is leaving you feeling exhausted, mentally, emotionally or physically? Do you keep coming up against the same brick wall but still push forward in the hope of knocking it down? If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you will keep getting the same result-like a rat in a maze-you will keep repeating the same path.

 

If you believe that life will be a struggle, it most likely will be. What are you afraid of? If something isn’t flowing smoothly or if your efforts are not rewarded, stop what you’re doing and try something different. We tend to be creatures of habit and more often than not, we stick with what we know even when it no longer fulfils us. You can turn this thinking on its head, challenge your limiting ideas. The life you are living now is not a dress rehearsal. Decide what needs to be done, stop making excuses and think positively about what the future may hold. Don’t worry if you don’t know what the “something different” is, the first step is to just stop the old behaviours.

Trust in the positive adventures that lie ahead and believe that there is always something better out there for you and that grabbing this “something better” can only happen when you let go of what is not working. fear can cripple us and deny us a full exciting life. Stop exhausting yourself, let go of the struggle and believe that your future can be bright. You may not know how you’re going to change your current situation but taking small steps will eventually lead to there. Sometimes we know what we need to do, we just need to find the courage to take action. Be brave and marvel in your pioneering efforts.

Let go of obstinacy. If you’ve been using aggressive tactics, be willing to soften. If you’ve been playing the victim, be willing to become active and stand firm about who you are and what you want. When you do something different, he immediately change the dynamic allowing others to react differently too.

Free yourself and always tell yourself “no matter what comes my way, I will find a way around it”.

Mandy X

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