Tag Archives: faith

Trust the process

 

trust photo

Trust the process

There are times in life when you just have to trust the process. There is a lot to be said for learning to let go of things you cannot control. Often, we resist ‘what is’ and exhaust ourselves in the process. Instead, the wise person sees the bigger picture and knows when to let go of the reins and see where the path takes him/her.

Example: “I will make that person care/love me”. We go out of our way to be someone we are not and fret over every small thing, fearful of rejection. We can be desperate to be loved and accepted and waste far too much energy on trying to make another behave/feel in a certain way. Actually – even without huge amounts of posturing, if there is a good connection, the relationship will probably chug along quite nicely. Learn to relax and trust the process.

It’s like being on a small sail boat on a lake. There is no wind and so you begin to huff and puff, blowing the sails with all your might to try move the boat. Eventually, exhausted, you give up.

The wise person trusts the process and accepts what they can’t change. Eventually a gust of wind will come along and move you along to your final destination. Life is similar, there are ups and downs, highs and lows and at times we have to accept where we are and stop resisting. You save a lot of emotional and physical energy that way. Keep perspective and see the bigger picture.

Mandy X

 

Photo by Eddi van W.

How to increase self belief

 

confidence photo

How to increase self belief

If you want to know how to increase self belief – listen up. This may be the most important information you’ll ever read. I have accomplished so much more in my life by working on my self belief. It’s a constant effort and I have to work on it daily but the results are worth it. Here are my top tips on how to become your own number one fan:

Understand that if you don’t believe in yourself, very few other people will. When you give off confidence and self acceptance, others don’t tend to question this. In fact, they will be more drawn to you. Confident people make others feel safe and they act as magnets socially. People like confidence. They won’t question your right to be so confident – they will just see someone who really seems to like themselves and that’s immensely attractive.

There are many things in life that can decrease our self belief and that is why it is a repetitive effort to keep the self belief alive. Social media, like Facebook and Instagram don’t help self belief at all. The more we think we are missing out and don’t have much as others, the more unhappy we become and the less self belief we have. Beware the perils of spending too much time on social media. If you do – remember that a lot of what you see is exaggerated and isn’t reality. Others put on a ‘show’ but real life is seldom as glamorous as they’d like you to believe.

Practise gratitude

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, make sure you look at what is good in your life. There are always things to be grateful for but the way the world is structured leads us to constantly compare. Making comparisons inevitably leads to a sense of deprivation and feelings of inadequacy. Stop doing it! Be appreciative of what you do have and what works well for you. Focus on this regularly and if necessary – make a list that you can read regularly of all the things you love and appreciate in yourself and your life.

Validate yourself

We all like external validation. When others tell us we look great or that we have done a good job, it’s very satisfying. The trick is to NEVER rely on this external validation as a way to increase self belief. Make sure that you give yourself validation. Regularly talk to yourself in a positive and empowering manner. Tell yourself that you are wonderful and amazing. Focus often on all your fantastic characteristics – are you funny, kind, patient? Remind yourself of all your good qualities. Clients often (mistakenly) tell me that they think this is arrogance. Arrogance is thinking you are better than others. Confidence is liking and accepting yourself and making the best of you.

Maximise strengths, minimise weaknesses

No one is perfect and we can’t be good at everything. Get to know yourself well and know what you are good at. Work to increase your strengths and use them in your life. There is not point in doing something that exposes all your weaknesses and none of your strengths. Play to your strengths and remind yourself of all the good things you have achieved in your life. What have your successes been?

Positive attitude to failure

Never see yourself as a failure. Perhaps something you have done didn’t work out but always separate actions from yourself as a person – they are two different things. Define failure – to me, failure is completely giving up. Someone who tries and fails one hundred times is not a failure – they are a learner of life.

Keep the faith

There have been seriously dark times for me when I have felt rejected and feel I have failed at life. Times of extreme loneliness when I felt that I was worthless. This is normal and you can’t possibly feel 100% confident all of the time. What you need to do though during the dark times of self doubt is sit tight and keep the faith. Remind yourself that you are still the same amazing person and although you don’t quite feel connected to that confident part of you – it’s still there.

Life will move on and your light will shine again. Never stop believing in yourself even when you feel the world has. Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Choose your thoughts carefully and be kind to yourself.

Practise self compassion

Always always be kind to yourself. That means – no critical self talk. Be caring towards yourself as you would someone you loved dearly. Imagine yourself as that cute little 5 year old child – how would you talk to your 5 year old self? You would cuddle them and tell them things will improve. You would encourage them and tell them they are brilliant.

Create goals

Make sure you have some goals, something to work towards. When we have goals in place it creates structure and purpose in our lives and helps boost us psychologically. Put together a list of goals for yourself that are:

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Measurable and time bound (SMART goals)

When you have self belief you are far more likely to be successful. Your thinking will spur you on. Research has proven time and time again that when we are positive and focus on our strengths and nurture our self belief, we get more done. Believing is half the battle!

Mandy X

 

 

 

Never give up on hope

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Never give up on hope

Hope is an old friend of mine. Every time I thought she’d given up on me, she would surprise me and show her friendly face again. She’d give me a big hug and remind me that having her in my life is far better than giving up on her. I have nothing to lose by allowing hope to stay in my life even when it seems she has deserted me forever.

I have hated life at times. I have felt desperately alone and misunderstood. It’s easy to lose hope when life grinds you down. I think we have all been there at some time in our lives. That dark place where it looks like life has got it in for you and is laughing at all your misfortune.

Looking back though, I have the added insight of knowing that life eases up on you eventually, it always does. When life feels like it’s not on your side, try doing this:

Sit tight

Stop resisting what is going on. It is happening. Accept it and work with it as if you had chosen it. Instead of resisting, try to go with the flow more. When you resist, it’s like sitting on a small sail boat on a lake, completely stuck because there’s no wind at all. When we don’t accept what is happening and resist we exhaust ourselves. We blow on the sails will all our might but we still don’t get anywhere. Instead of resisting with “Why me?” or “It’s so unfair”…try dealing with what’s going on. You will be a lot less stressed.

Take life one day at a time

Something that really screws with my head and my emotions are matters of the heart. A break up for instance is hugely crushing and affects me immensely. I feel deeply and give a lot of myself. When going through a break up, I wish with every part of my being that I could fast forward time, skipping out on a portion of life just to feel better. When you feel lost and life seems unbearable, take life one day at a time. Take it one hour at a time if that’s all you can face. Keep moving forward, toe by toe – you will be moving toward a better place. Change is inevitable and that’s a good thing when you feel you are at rock bottom and can’t sink any lower. You are not alone, there are millions of others hiding under their duvets feeling just as bad as you are and you are all moving forward together, slowly. There is light at the end of the tunnel – it’s called hope.

Distract yourself

Get out of your head. when you are in your head you are often in enemy territory. When we feel sad and low, our thoughts never work for us. See them as thoughts – they are not real, they are just in your head. Ignore the negative ones, change the channel. Keep busy – watch box sets or even better, go to the gym, do some exercise. Exercise is great for releasing endorphins – feel good hormones.

hope photo

Focus on your strengths

Work on the positives – what are you good at? What’s amazing about you? Work on the positive self talk. You need to fight the negatives as they will hound you especially when you feel low. Remind yourself that hope is always there…even if she feels temporarily lost at times.

Mandy X

 

Believe in karma

karma

 

Believe in karma

There are times when I seethe at the injustice in the world. When I’m not feeling mentally strong, all the hardships and cruelty in the world can overwhelm me. I never want to stop caring but I also know that if I care too much, I will end up exhausted and very likely, depressed.

Thoughts can get the better of us and that’s why it’s a good idea to practice managing your thoughts and getting them to work for you instead of them controlling you.

I have a few tips to help me cope with upsetting thoughts and distressing events that I have learned along the way and want to share them with you:

Believe in karma

Believe that there is a higher power at work that somehow keeps the world in balance. You may not see all that it does but it is there, silently working in the background to restore order. Whether this is true or not is irrelevant – the beauty of this is that if I believe it, it makes me feel a whole lot better. This is one story I tell myself. Don’t think for one minute though that telling myself this ‘story’ absolves me of any responsibility to do anything against cruelty and injustice. I regularly donate to charities and would always step in directly where I could. This story helps me stay sane. I attended a seminar a few years back and the speaker was advocating similar stuff. He said that sometimes you need to tweak reality a bit and if it works for you and improves your quality of life – go for it. Like believing you are beautiful/handsome even if you aren’t. Sometimes thinking leads to self fulfilling prophecies. If we believe we are attractive, we act differently and this changes the dynamic with others and they too, see you as more attractive. When we believe something, we automatically look for evidence to support the belief – this is how self fulfilling prophecies work. If I believe karma is at work, I pick up on stories in the media, magazine articles and so on showing me that restorative justice works. See – it’s all good!

Whichever way you choose to look at it, it’s not a bad thing tweaking reality and I am talking about tweaking reality, not massive editing or anything – like believing you can fly. Hopefully you get the picture. When there is no obvious evidence to the contrary, make up a story that works for you…it works for me!

Mandy X