Tag Archives: Fear of change

Living or existing?

 

living photo

Living or Existing?

Are you living or existing? Have you become part of the living dead? I see it all the time. people sleep walking through their lives seemingly oblivious to the finite nature of their lives.

It’s easy to end up existing. We fool ourselves by promising that we will be happy when we get that job, finish that degree or find that perfect partner.We delay happiness and think about a point in the future when it will all be okay. What’s wrong with the present moment? Or, we settle for second best. We stay in sub-par relationships and refuse to look at the reality of the situation. Humans are creatures of habit and we don’t enjoy change. Instead of being brave, we lie to ourselves and stay in relationships, jobs, life situations that no longer inspire us. This is short sighted and foolish.

Life isn’t a dress rehearsal. Go after what you really want. Dust off those dreams and find a way to get closer to them.Live a life that matches your full potential – you deserve nothing less!

Mandy X

Photo by exoimperator

Stop running away

 

stop running away

Stop running away

When life gets overwhelming, it is tempting to want to avoid problems, pretend they aren’t there and numb ourselves with some from of escapism such as alcohol, drugs, excessive spending, illicit affairs and so on.

The problem with this strategy is that avoidance often prolongs the issue that we are running away from, effectively extending our misery. Often we avoid something because we feel it will be unpleasurable – for example – confronting a partner about an unhappy relationship or leaving a job that you are no longer happy in. Running away doesn’t always consist of actively running away – it can also encompass denial and a refusal to tackle life issues.

Examine your attitude to the things you run away from. Instead of fear and avoidance, start telling yourself that embracing and confronting issues head on is where it’s at. Regularly repeat statements to yourself such as, “I am in control and will no longer tolerate unsuitable situations in my life”. “I will not be afraid to change my life circumstances as my goal is to improve my quality of life”. Initial change is scary for anyone but after the initial shock, you will feel the pleasure of knowing you are living a life of integrity and that you are ‘designing’ a life for yourself that is right…don’t settle and definitely don;t avoid out of fear. Be brave, see yourself as a Trojan – someone who isn’t afraid to tackle life and feel alive, even if feeling alive hurts sometimes.

The more you confront issues, the more empowered and confident you will ultimately feel. Don’t fear change, fear staying the same – fear accepting and ‘settling’…that is much more frightening.

Mandy X

20 Things most of us have in common

 

group of people photo

20 Things most of us have in common

1) Self-doubt

2) We all seek external validation

3) We all want to be liked

4) We need connections with others

5) We have all experienced heartache in some form or another

6) We have all experienced rejection

7) We have all experienced failure

8) We all have random crazy thoughts

9) We are all works in progress

10)Wwe will all engage in some type of behaviour that surprises us

11) We are all chugging along day-to-day-no one has all the answers

12) We all feel like outsiders at some point in our lives

13) We all experience anxiety to a greater or lesser degree

14) This one is anecdotal and I’m not sure that everybody has this in common but many of us do not know what will make us truly happy

15) We are not confident 100% of the time

16) It is impossible to be happy 100% of the time

17) We overestimate the abilities of others and often believe they know better than we do

18) We are often our own harshest critic

19) Our upbringings have effected how we see the world

20) We find it hard to be mindful and live in the present moment, our minds often going to the future with “what if” thinking.

We aren’t so different from each other and when we believe this and reach out more to others we can begin to enjoy rewarding relationships and feel connected.

Mandy X

 

How to tolerate uncertainty and change

 

uncertainty photo

How to tolerate uncertainty and change

When we are anxious, we tend to overestimate the danger, and the odds, of bad things happening. We also tend to underestimate our ability to cope. Even if the odds are in our favour and there is only a small chance that something bad will happen, that small chance is enough to upset us. We buy into our anxious thinking and falsely believe that worrying will somehow reduce the uncertainty. Worrying doesn’t affect the future outcome, we cannot prevent all bad things from happening and life remains uncertain. By worrying about what might happen, we spend precious moments of our lives worrying needlessly.

We can deal with uncertainty in two main ways:

1) We can challenge our need for certainty by looking at the advantages and disadvantages of needing to be certain and how it affects us. We can explore other areas of our lives where we do tolerate uncertainty, or look at how other people deal with uncertainty. It is also a good idea to deliberately do things that we are uncertain about to help us get used to uncertainty. Make an effort to try anything new such as taking a different route home or trying a new product.

2) Learn to tolerate uncertainty. Use the acronym APPLE

Acknowledge – notice and acknowledge the uncertainty as it comes to mind.

Pause – don’t react as you normally do. Don’t react at all. Just pause and breathe.

Pull Back – tell yourself this is just the worry talking in this apparent need for certainty is not helpful and not necessary.

Let Go –  let go of thought or feeling about needing certainty. Tell yourself it is only a thought or feeling. Don’t believe everything you think! Thoughts are not statements of fact. They will pass. You do not have to respond to them. You might imagine them floating away in a bubble or cloud.

Explore –  you can explore the present moment, because right now in this moment, you are okay. Notice your breathing and the sensations of breathing. Notice the ground beneath you, look around you and notice what you see, hear, can touch and smell. Shift your focus of attention to something else-on what you need to do, on what you are doing before you notice the worrying thought, or do something else with your full attention.

Uncertainty is an inherent part of life. Learning to deal with the unknown will increase your resilience, increase your confidence and greatly improve your quality of life.

Mandy X

Photo by nicubunu.photo