Tag Archives: gratitude

Focus on the good stuff

smiling photo

Focus on the good stuff

There is always good AND bad to every situation. EVERY situation. Focus on the good of the situation you are in and the bad/negatives of what you don’t have. The default position for most people is to focus on the negatives of their situations and the positives of what they don’t have.
This is counterproductive and eats away at confidence. It is in your best interests to work in harmony with your circumstances and adapt your thinking.
For example, if you are in a relationship, you might find that you focus on all the negatives of being in a relationship and the positives of being single. How does that work for you? It probably doesn’t unless you make the decision to be single and take action.
Rather, to be more content, focus on the positives of being in a relationship: having a companion, having someone to do things with and talk to, not having to go to bars/pubs/clubs…whatever works for you. Think about the negatives of being single, having to make small talk and impress someone, the fear of rejection and so on.
This thinking will help you to feel a lot happier about your situation. It is a simple effective trick that can be applied to almost all situations. Alter your thinking to achieve an instant mood lift.
When your thoughts are aligned with what you are doing, there is cohesion which naturally promotes confidence.

Don’t compare yourself to others

Comparisons areĀ self sabotaging and don’t benefit you. It can work to motivate you and some comparison is natural but when it turns to comparing yourself negatively, this will affect your confidence and it is unhelpful.

Don’t assume others have a better life than you do

You do not know what is really going on. This is faulty thinking that isn’t based on any real evidence. Instead this type of thinking tends to be based on our own insecurities. Focus rather on bettering your own life and finding the true you. What is it that makes you happy and allows you to feel ‘in the zone’?
Remember that images on the surface are often far removed form what is truly going on behind closed doors.

Surround yourself with positive, inspiring people

Positive energy is contagious!!

Occupy your senses

When we feel vulnerable, our thinking can turn to worry and self doubt. Be aware of when you are in this mind frame and try to distract yourself. Engaging your senses stops you from over thinking and stressing out. By all means give your self ‘worry time’ (assign half an hour a day to focus on worry and problem solving) but put a limit on this and then get back to being resolution focused and pro active. It is a myth that the more you worry the less likely it will be that problems surface.
A few simple tricks that can help you to focus on the good stuff and limit the negative thoughts that you focus on can make all the difference. Make your mind and it’s content work for you and not against you. It’s a skill that can be learned and it will almost certainly improve your quality of life.
Mandy X

How to increase self belief

 

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How to increase self belief

If you want to know how to increase self belief – listen up. This may be the most important information you’ll ever read. I have accomplished so much more in my life by working on my self belief. It’s a constant effort and I have to work on it daily but the results are worth it. Here are my top tips on how to become your own number one fan:

Understand that if you don’t believe in yourself, very few other people will. When you give off confidence and self acceptance, others don’t tend to question this. In fact, they will be more drawn to you. Confident people make others feel safe and they act as magnets socially. People like confidence. They won’t question your right to be so confident – they will just see someone who really seems to like themselves and that’s immensely attractive.

There are many things in life that can decrease our self belief and that is why it is a repetitive effort to keep the self belief alive. Social media, like Facebook and Instagram don’t help self belief at all. The more we think we are missing out and don’t have much as others, the more unhappy we become and the less self belief we have. Beware the perils of spending too much time on social media. If you do – remember that a lot of what you see is exaggerated and isn’t reality. Others put on a ‘show’ but real life is seldom as glamorous as they’d like you to believe.

Practise gratitude

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, make sure you look at what is good in your life. There are always things to be grateful for but the way the world is structured leads us to constantly compare. Making comparisons inevitably leads to a sense of deprivation and feelings of inadequacy. Stop doing it! Be appreciative of what you do have and what works well for you. Focus on this regularly and if necessary – make a list that you can read regularly of all the things you love and appreciate in yourself and your life.

Validate yourself

We all like external validation. When others tell us we look great or that we have done a good job, it’s very satisfying. The trick is to NEVER rely on this external validation as a way to increase self belief. Make sure that you give yourself validation. Regularly talk to yourself in a positive and empowering manner. Tell yourself that you are wonderful and amazing. Focus often on all your fantastic characteristics – are you funny, kind, patient? Remind yourself of all your good qualities. Clients often (mistakenly) tell me that they think this is arrogance. Arrogance is thinking you are better than others. Confidence is liking and accepting yourself and making the best of you.

Maximise strengths, minimise weaknesses

No one is perfect and we can’t be good at everything. Get to know yourself well and know what you are good at. Work to increase your strengths and use them in your life. There is not point in doing something that exposes all your weaknesses and none of your strengths. Play to your strengths and remind yourself of all the good things you have achieved in your life. What have your successes been?

Positive attitude to failure

Never see yourself as a failure. Perhaps something you have done didn’t work out but always separate actions from yourself as a person – they are two different things. Define failure – to me, failure is completely giving up. Someone who tries and fails one hundred times is not a failure – they are a learner of life.

Keep the faith

There have been seriously dark times for me when I have felt rejected and feel I have failed at life. Times of extreme loneliness when I felt that I was worthless. This is normal and you can’t possibly feel 100% confident all of the time. What you need to do though during the dark times of self doubt is sit tight and keep the faith. Remind yourself that you are still the same amazing person and although you don’t quite feel connected to that confident part of you – it’s still there.

Life will move on and your light will shine again. Never stop believing in yourself even when you feel the world has. Remember that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Choose your thoughts carefully and be kind to yourself.

Practise self compassion

Always always be kind to yourself. That means – no critical self talk. Be caring towards yourself as you would someone you loved dearly. Imagine yourself as that cute little 5 year old child – how would you talk to your 5 year old self? You would cuddle them and tell them things will improve. You would encourage them and tell them they are brilliant.

Create goals

Make sure you have some goals, something to work towards. When we have goals in place it creates structure and purpose in our lives and helps boost us psychologically. Put together a list of goals for yourself that are:

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Measurable and time bound (SMART goals)

When you have self belief you are far more likely to be successful. Your thinking will spur you on. Research has proven time and time again that when we are positive and focus on our strengths and nurture our self belief, we get more done. Believing is half the battle!

Mandy X

 

 

 

Tips for happiness

 

happiness

Focus on what you can control, forget the rest

Follow this “Serenity Prayer” – it’s full of wisdom:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.”

It’s not events that upset you, it’s your beliefs about them

Most of the bad feelings you haveĀ are caused by irrational beliefs. Challenge your belief system regularly – there is always a rational alternative thought available.

Learn acceptance, stop resisting ‘what is’

The greatest source of misery comes from the gap between how life is and how expect it to be. Learning to accept how life is doesn’t mean being passive and/or giving up. It means we acknowledge the problem and work with it rather than against it.

Act ‘as if’

Think of someone you admire – a family member, friend or celebrity. Imagine how they would act in certain situations (especially those that cause you anxiety). Changing behaviour automatically shifts our thinking and often, acting confident can help us to feel confident as well.

Build structure into your life

A basic structure helps keep order in life. An underlying framework is always a good place from where to go forward and deal with the world. Have a morning and evening routine, make some things a fundamental activity that you do regularly – such as exercise, a healthy meal etc

Create goals

Goals help to add meaning and purpose to life and we all ned to have some sort of direction in life. Create short and long term goals that are as specific and measurable as positive. Eg: I will lose 5 pounds/kilo by the end of the month.

Gratitude

It’s human default mode to look at all that is wrong in life – make an effort to look for what is good in your life and do this daily. when we focus on all the good, e automatically feel happier. Gratitude and appreciation are powerful emotions that can lift a mood instantly.

Do you have any other tips for happiness or contentment? Send a message and let us know!

Mandy X