Tag Archives: happiness

How to promote emotional wellbeing

 

happiness photo

How to promote emotional well being

Looking after yourself on a physical level is important if you want to keep your mind healthy and protect your emotional well being. The body and the mind are closely linked and both need to be working well and be looked after in order for a person to function well. An unhealthy body won’t help promote a healthy mind.

Think of the acronym “PLEASE” to help you remember important aspects of this connection:

PL           Treat Physical Illness

E              Eat healthy

A              Avoid mood altering drugs

S              Sleep well

E               Exercise

FOCUS

Monitor what you focus on. Humans tend to focus more on what isn’t going right instead of looking at what is working.If you hear ten compliments and one criticism, you’ll probably focus on the criticism. Work on having an attitude of gratitude and appreciation.

Watch your thinking and let the negative thoughts float by. Thoughts will keep coming, you don’t have to focus on each one. Pick out the helpful ones and dismiss the negative ones. Self limiting beliefs can be detrimental to emotional well being.

OPPOSITE ACTION

Do the opposite of what you normally do. What we resist persists. If you normally get angry and shout, try walking away or whisper instead of yelling. Try force a smile. If you normally avoid people when you feel down, force yourself to call a friend or visit someone.

Doing the opposite can help you to change your emotion.

CHECK THE FACTS

Are there times in your life when you have overreacted or where you have assumed something and been wrong? Always check the facts – thoughts are not facts. Looking for evidence can reduce the intensity of emotions. Ask yourself what triggered your emotion? What interpretations and assumptions are you making? Does your emotion and its intensity match the facts of the situation?

Always stop and take time out before reacting to something, especially if your emotions are running high. A little bit of time is always a good way to add perspective to a situation.

Mandy X

 

 

Control, Resistance and Acceptance

 

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Control, Resistance and Acceptance

Peace of mind and contentment doesn’t come from control. We all fool ourselves by thinking that if we can control our worlds and environments we will be happier. This is a myth. Firstly, there is no such thing as 100% control.The very nature of life on earth is uncertain. Trying to obtain control is wasted energy and although it helps us temporarily to feel safer (and soothes our minds), the reality is that we are no more safe with or without seeking ultimate control.

I have observed people spending inordinate amounts of time trying to control people and things in their lives. They avoid uncertainty and resist whatever threatens them in life. Be that new experiences or events that they fear such as a new relationship or making important and necessary changes in their lives. Resisting ‘what is’ is similar to being stuck in a yacht on a lake with no wind and trying to blow at the sales with your own breath. It won’t get you very far and will leave you exhausted.

If instead, you accept that at the present moment you’re in a spot of trouble but that if you relax and give it some time, things may very well correct themselves naturally, sending a gust of wind to help you out. Accepting a situation and ‘sitting with it’ for a while can often bring you the clarity you lack when you are trying to control outcomes that are actually beyond your control.

When we hit a snag in life, we immediately go into control mode, instead of waiting and  being patient that little bit longer. Try it. Not everything needs to be controlled. Trust in the natural order of life at times and let this guide you as to how to move forward.

Mandy X

 

How to Promote peace and contentment

 

peace and contentment

How to promote peace and contentment

Be realistically positive

Sure, life has horrible bits, very horrible bits in fact, but you CAN learn the skill of looking for solutions rather than pessimistically going over the same things in your mind. When we churn the same information over in our minds without looking for possible solutions, we end up downtrodden and miserable. If there is no present solution to a problem, possibly due to the fact that it is something beyond your control, it is also possible to learn the skill of ‘mental shelving’. Put it aside, distract yourself but be firm with yourself when there is no longer any action you can take towards a situation. For example – someone has betrayed you and left you feeling hurt. If there is an action to be taken to alleviate or rectify the situation, do it. If you have done your bit and you are now waiting for a response or there is no action you can take, it is a waste of your mental and emotional energy to spend too much time dwelling on it. Focus back on the present moment and on what is within your immediate control. This takes practise and isn’t an exact science but it is a skill that can be learned and improved upon and it WILL lead you closer to peace and contentment.

You have choices

This may seem a harsh and blunt statement but you can CHOOSE how much you want a situation to affect you. The thoughts in your head and your attitude are your choice. Think about it. It is for you to decide what is important in your life and what isn’t. If you don’t want something to overwhelm you and be overly important, it doesn’t have to be. There is always a way to look at something, or a story you can tell yourself to make a situation appear less threatening or upsetting. The thoughts and beliefs we choose will affect the level an intensity of the attached emotions. Learn to challenge your thoughts, they are perceptions of reality, not reality itself and there can be a VAST difference between them. I see how clients get upset over situations and torture themselves for ages with their thinking, only to find out later that the way they viewed the situation was completely inaccurate and that they made faulty assumptions. They have therefore spent precious moments of their lives unhappy and sad when there was no reason for it. Be selective with the thoughts you decide to believe and focus on. There will always, always be another way to view a situation that will lead you to feeling more peace and contentment.

Limit time brooding

Ask yourself how long you want to spend thinking about something and letting it get the better of you. Ask yourself if this type of mental activity is helpful. Allowing negative, worrisome thoughts to stay for longer than necessary is purely a form of masochism.

Don’t take yourself so seriously

Learn to see the humorous side of life and never take yourself too seriously. See your time on this earth as a chance to experiment and have fun. The end result is the same and whilst you are here on this ‘physical plane’ you have the chance to affect those around you, when you are gone that opportunity is lost. Lose your fear, get out there and do what you want. Embrace fear and uncertainty and have a good laugh at the same time. If you take yourself too seriously you can reduce your chance for peace and contentment.

Be proactive

No one likes risking it, especially in relationships where we risk rejection and abandonment (one of my greatest fears!). Learn to be brave and express yourself in relationships when there is ambiguity. Put yourself out there a little, the other person may be just as scared as you are.

Test the waters gently if need be but dip your toe in. Live a life full of life lessons than one where you look back and feel you lost many opportunities. Instead of constantly reacting to another person’s moods, learn to set the tone and express your wants and wishes too.

Being proactive helps us to feel like masters over our destinies…we can sometimes be in the lead rather than passively going with the flow.

There are many clever ways to protect your mood and buffer yourself from the wild elements of life. This is goes on internally – it really is true: happiness is an inside job.

Mandy X

 

 

Tips for happiness

 

happiness

Focus on what you can control, forget the rest

Follow this “Serenity Prayer” – it’s full of wisdom:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.”

It’s not events that upset you, it’s your beliefs about them

Most of the bad feelings you have are caused by irrational beliefs. Challenge your belief system regularly – there is always a rational alternative thought available.

Learn acceptance, stop resisting ‘what is’

The greatest source of misery comes from the gap between how life is and how expect it to be. Learning to accept how life is doesn’t mean being passive and/or giving up. It means we acknowledge the problem and work with it rather than against it.

Act ‘as if’

Think of someone you admire – a family member, friend or celebrity. Imagine how they would act in certain situations (especially those that cause you anxiety). Changing behaviour automatically shifts our thinking and often, acting confident can help us to feel confident as well.

Build structure into your life

A basic structure helps keep order in life. An underlying framework is always a good place from where to go forward and deal with the world. Have a morning and evening routine, make some things a fundamental activity that you do regularly – such as exercise, a healthy meal etc

Create goals

Goals help to add meaning and purpose to life and we all ned to have some sort of direction in life. Create short and long term goals that are as specific and measurable as positive. Eg: I will lose 5 pounds/kilo by the end of the month.

Gratitude

It’s human default mode to look at all that is wrong in life – make an effort to look for what is good in your life and do this daily. when we focus on all the good, e automatically feel happier. Gratitude and appreciation are powerful emotions that can lift a mood instantly.

Do you have any other tips for happiness or contentment? Send a message and let us know!

Mandy X

8 ways to be content

 

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8 ways to be content

  1. Let it go

    Don’t bear grudges. That allows those whom you hold a grudge against to have power over you. Learn to let it go. Life is too short to hold on to negative energy that is unnecessary. Yes, there is injustice in the world but sometimes acceptance is the key to freedom. It doesn’t mean you have to like it but it means that you can hold on to a peaceful mind instead of letting the injustice of the world ‘pickle’ you and change you into a bitter, twisted person.

 

2. Be flexible and open minded

Those who hold rigid rules about the world will find that their ‘rules’ are broken very often thereby creating tension and unhappiness. Research has shown that those who are psychological flexible are the happiest people. Learn to be adaptable and get into the habit of looking for rational alternatives to explain life and why people do what they do. Perhaps what is happening to you is nothing personal…

 

3.Be yourself

Like and accept yourself for who you are. It feels amazing when you can be brave enough to let the real you shine through. We all fear rejection if we act ourselves but most people are willing to accept us far more than we think they will.

 

4. Laugh often

Never take life too seriously. A sense of humour can carry you through all sorts of life challenges. Life is tough . No one escapes life’s lessons but when you try to see the bigger picture and learn from it, it makes a massive difference. Being light hearted and learning to detach on some levels can mean maintaining your sanity for that bit longer.

 

5. Dismiss negative or self critical thinking

Negative self talk will make anyone feel miserable. Why do it? Be kind to yourself, be your own best friend. You owe it to yourself to believe in yourself.

 

6. Don’t compare

Comparing your life to that of others in a negative light is the quickest shortcut to misery. Stop it! Be proud of where you are in your life – we are all different with varied things to learn. We all have an original path to take and what others are doing should have no bearing on what we do in our own lives.

 

7. Connect with others

Happiness definitely comes from being around others and feeling connected. In fact this is probably the most important way to feel happy and content. Make an effort. Never underestimate the power of connection with others.

 

 

8. Don’t sweat the small stuff

Learn to pick your battles. Life is complicated and not every injustice deserves your attention. Have goals and keep perspective. Stat grounded and don’t be distracted by menial things.

There are many routes to feeling content and happy, the above points are only a few ways to help you find contentment. We are all different and find solace in varied ways. Only many levels though we are all similar, we want to be loved and accepted. Love and accept yourself – others may not always see how amazing and wonderful you are. Nurture self belief – it really does help you to manifest the right kind of reality (law of attraction).

Mandy X

10 Ways to feel free

 

free

10 Ways to feel free

  1. Stop caring about what others think

You automatically place yourself in virtual shackles when you worry about what others think of you. Ask yourself why it is so important to you. Often it is because we want to be liked but if you have to be someone other than who you really are in order to be liked, it’s a wasted effort as they like a version of the real you, not the real you. Those that still stick around irrespective of what you do are the ones you really want to focus on and keep around – not the judgemental ones.

The other thing to think about is that people are often more accepting of our true selves than we realise but due to our fear of being rejected, we never really test out the thought “If I am myself people won’t like me”. Get used to testing out your beliefs by doing ‘experiements’ in real life. I have found people are far more accepting and open minded than we give them credit for.

2, Stop watching the news for a while

The news is usually about things in the world that are negative and can lead us to feeling sad and powerlessness. Give it a skip now and then.

3. Worry less

When you find you are worrying without looking for a solution and instead the worry is non productive one, distract yourself. Don’t spend too much time in your head if you are just reviewing the same things repetitively.

4. Spend time in nature/or with animals/ exercise etc

We all need time to reset and refocus. Make sure you take time for a change of scenery to lighten the load and see life from another fresh perspective.

5. Be playful

Try not to take life too seriously. Let the child within you loose once in a while and ignore the etiquette forced upon all of us.

6. Maintain a sense of humour

Life can seem a lot less serious and upsetting when we see humour in a situation. Try find a way to laugh at yourself and the absurd world we live in.

7. Love and accept yourself

Living in a body you don’t like will not set you free so it makes sense to find a way to begin working with what you have been given. Accept yourself instead of fighting against yourself. Wasted energy!

8. Be true to yourself

We can feel the most free when we follow what feels right for us. Let go of expectations of others and learn to honour yourself and your goals.

9.See the bigger picture

Context plays a large part in how intensely we view a situation. Remind yourself that time heals and lessons stress and strain.

  1. 10. Have fun

Learn to make the most of the life you have.

Let go of cynicism and work of stocking your mind with more neutral thinking. Keep an open mind and be less judgemental. The more psychologically flexible the are, the freer we feel!

Mandy X

 

Care less about what others think

 

care less

Care less about what others think

Take this good advice – stop caring about what other people think. Really – you are on this planet to live your life, learn your individual lessons and hopefully grow and develop as a person. When you listen too much to what other people think, it dilutes your inner wisdom and can take you off your true path. This is when self doubt creeps in and we begin to focus outwards rather than inwards.

Getting advice from others is always a good thing but when other people’s opinions become more important than our own, we are heading for trouble. I can’t count how many clients have said to me that they worry constantly about what others think – so much so that it creates endless misery.

The magic secret is stop listening to the noise of others around you, and tune back in to yourself and your own life path. What makes YOU happy? Is it being a top executive with a flashy car so others will think you are wonderful (many flashy people who crave possessions and designer goods are often the most insecure – desperately seeking validation through possessions and status – it doesn’t bring fulfillment nor contentment) or is it a more simple pursuit? Of course there is nothing wrong in wanting to be a flashy executive with loads of money, the trouble begins when we expect this to bring us happiness that we all crave.

care less

Happiness comes from inside of us, not from external possessions. Contentment comes from a sense of purpose and from connecting with others. So, if you want to increase happiness and feel more carefree, learnt to tune others out and tune inwards. Tune out to tune in…

Mandy X