Tag Archives: happy relationships

How to overcome insecurity in relationships

 

insecurity

How to overcome insecurity in relationships

A lot of it is made up

Separate what is your imagination and what is reality. When you feel insecure, you will be on high-alert for any possible sign that your partner doesn’t love you. Be willing to detach slightly from this type of thinking as it can increase insecurity in relationships. More often than not, you will find that your fears don’t come true.

Accept uncertainty

You can never have 100% certainty in any relationship unfortunately, so get into the habit of accepting that there is some uncertainty that is just a part of life and a part of relationships. It isn’t something you can control so try to focus on something you have control over instead – like how you behave when you are with your partner. Work on being as confident as possible, even if you don’t feel it inside.

Flexible thinking

You may have a rigid idea of how someone should behave if they love you. When your partner doesn’t act this way, you automatically assume they don’t love you. Be careful as this thinking is terribly flawed. We all show our love in different ways. Learn to relax and accept that your partner may not necessarily show their love for you in the way that makes you feel loved. There are in fact, many ‘languages of love’, such as gifts, quality time, acts of service and so on. Be more flexible in your thinking to help you minimise your insecurity in relationships.

Stop Mind Reading

Be aware when you are making assumptions about what your partner is thinking. Mind reading is an unhelpful thinking style as it is not based on evidence. Make sure you see the difference between what is going on in your mind and the real facts of the situation. Perhaps your partner is thinking the complete opposite of what you are assuming.

Focus on your good points

Remind yourself of all your positive points. Often, insecurity comes from not having enough confidence and self acceptance. Regularly remind yourself of how lovely you are and why anyone would be lucky to be in your company. Really – it’s important to speak to yourself in this positive manner as often as possible.

We can all feel insecure at times. Try not to focus on those negative thoughts that leave you fearful and anxious. Instead focus on what is going well and on what you can control. Remind yourself that you will cope with whatever comes your way. We cannot control other people in our lives, all we can do is control how we think and react to others. Learn to let go and enjoy life more without trying to control everything around you. Go with the flow a little more. Be philosophical and learn to trust the process of life more – that things are unfolding as they are meant to.

Mandy X

 

What makes relationships work

 

happy relationship photo

What makes relationships work

I have often wondered what it is that makes a relationship work. Believe me, I have tried many different strategies to see whether I could come up with a foolproof method in order to be successful in the dating game.

I tried being really nice and keen. I also tried acting disinterested. After a while of internet dating, I upgraded my car and wondered if a nicer, more expensive car might improve my chances. I also moved home during my dating phase into a larger more expensive home. I kept some men guessing and didn’t return their texts straight away. I tried many different scenarios. Unfortunately, each different strategy didn’t produce overwhelmingly positive results and each time I ended up back at the drawing board where I originally started.

All of this made me realise something. Mostly, it’s not about the car you drive or where you live and it’s not about being too nice or treating them mean to keep them keen. What makes relationships work is down to one fundamental thing – how much the other person likes you and wants to be in a relationship. It’s that simple!

If the other person likes you, they will make allowances for many things. If they like you – that is, how you look and they fancy you physically and like your personality, the rest is less important.

You can stand on your head and do cartwheels and give your best impression ever but if the other person isn’t into you, nothing you do will change their mind.

So, the lesson here is – just be yourself!!

Obviously, you may be on best behaviour initially but fundamentally you need to be true to yourself. No one can keep up a pretense forever and you will just make yourself anxious trying to be someone you aren’t. Be confident in yourself and like yourself and others will be inclined to do the same. If someone doesn’t love the true you then it is their loss and this leaves you free to find someone who loves and appreciates just as you are!

Here’s to ‘TRUE LOVE’ – being true to yourself in love xx

Mandy X

How to attract a healthy relationship

 

happy healthy relationship

How to attract a healthy relationship

I have had awful relationships in the past. There seems to be a slightly dysfunctional part to me that assists in focusing my ‘relationship radar’ in the wrong direction. I have had relationships with people that have been controlling and abusive – emotionally and mentally. My own needs and wants have been completely unimportant in my pursuit of love and acceptance – and that was my first big mistake.

I have always had to work at my self worth and there have been many times in the past when I have felt grateful for any small amount of affection and love. The reason for this is that I haven’t loved myself enough. I have never felt worthy of love and have felt inherently unloveable.

My messages to myself were that I was lucky to have attention from someone else and that they were doing me a huge favour. Entering a relationship with this type of inner dialogue was bound to lead to an unequal dynamic where I tried too hard and ended up with a complacent partner.

Once I started seeing myself as a valuable person who would be an asset in someone one else’s life I began to feel that I deserved love and attention. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this and changing my behaviour in order to attract more healthy relationships. Here is some advice from my own experiences:

  1. See yourself as a ‘prize’. Ensure that you think highly of yourself…always – wear your invisible crown at all times.
  2. Don’t allow a pattern of neglectful behaviour from your partner. Everyone slips up now and then but if there is a lack of respect that continues – you need to nip it in the bud.
  3. Be assertive and ask for what you want. Part of honouring who you are consists of asking for what you need. Don’t expect the other person to automatically know – tell them.
  4. Trust your gut instincts. Sometimes we so desperately want love and begin ignoring the warning signs; Keep your wits about you and don’t ignore warning signs. Your inner wisdom will always try to tell you – tune in to it.
  5. See yourself as an equal in the relationship.
  6. Don’t expect your partner to meet all of your needs – make sure you have a varied and interesting life away from your partner.
  7. Keep your friendships going – they can sometimes last longer than romantic relationships do. Never neglect your friendships.

The more you respect and love yourself, the healthier your relationships will be. Focus on all that is good about you, remind yourself regularly of your strengths. There is someone out there for you who will not expect you to change and will adore you, warts and all.

Mandy X

 

Ground rules for healthy relationships

 

release photo

Ground rules for healthy relationships

  1. I will face my emptiness – I don’t expect you to fill my gaps and be everything to me.
  2. I will trust (and tell you when I don’t).
  3. I will be there – you can count on me to be reliable.
  4. I will tell you if I am leaving the house/coming home…I will try not to be mentally absent from the relationship.
  5. I will attempt to communicate my thoughts and feelings as far as I am able to and will do my best to express myself with sensitivity.
  6. I will be vulnerable with you as often as I can. This fosters intimacy and trust.
  7. Sometimes we will agree to disagree and accept that this is okay for both of us.

Finally, I will do my best to take responsibility for my actions, to apologise when I am in the wrong and to work for the good of the relationship rather than to play unhealthy games when I don’t feel like communicating.

I will be receptive to giving and receiving.

The above are great guidelines for a happy, healthy and rewarding relationship.

Mandy X