Tag Archives: happy

Life sucks sometimes

sad woman photo

 

Life sucks sometimes

It’s a fact, life sucks sometimes. People come into your life and steal your heart and then leave just as quickly as they entered.It’s hard to open up again and take the risk of letting someone else in. Should you trust them with your fragile feelings? I guess life is a risk and you can protect yourself forever or you can be brave and try to let love back in again. Life sucks for various reasons not just due to fading relationships.

I am writing this as it is close to my heart and I like to use this blog to write about all sorts of things. My own life serves as inspiration for blog posts, especially when I know there are many others experiencing similar things. I try to use hard times to learn and apply my professional experience to heal. I use this to help others if I can and to support my clients going through similar things. No one is immune to life, no matter how much ‘wisdom’ and/or knowledge you have.

Being rejected for something you have no control over is tough. He loved me until I told him I had health issues and that was that. He hung in but not for too long. Heart break central! His loss…

You have to believe that things happen for a reason. Being philosophical can be a blessing in life. Some things are beyond our control – like the feelings and thoughts of other people.

What needs to happen – focus on yourself, the only thing you can control. Make the most of yourself, never put yourself down and know that you are special whether someone else recognises it or not. Don’t allow your value and self worth to be wrapped up in the validation from others. Easier said than done but work on loving who you are. Someone who doesn’t want to be with you doesn’t deserve you in the first place. A broken relationship leaves you free to find the person who will love you, warts and all.

Well, that’s what I tell myself and it seems to work most of the time! Life sucks but always remember it won’t (thankfully) stay that way. Visualise yourself in the future, happy and carefree again. Each day, every second – you are closer to that happier place!

Mandy X

Happiness is an inside job

 

happiness photo

Happiness is an inside job

I have the words “Happiness is an inside job” on a plaque in my office. Whilst happiness can be influenced by external events – what we think about the world has far more power over our ability to be happy. Too many people believe that it takes something artificial to create happiness. For example – some believe that if they have more money or a romantic partner or a private yacht they would be happy. The truth is that happiness is a mental and spiritual state.

Start each day with positive affirmations like this, “Today is going to be a good day and I am going to be happy. The world is working in my favour and my life is unfolding as it is meant to”. Sending positive ‘primers’ to your subconscious helps nurture the positive energy and keep you on the right track mentally. Your subconscious has infinite intelligence – trust it. Discipline your mind and feed yourself with positivity rather than words such as “I can’t do that” etc

Experiments by psychologists have repeatedly shown that the subconscious will accept whatever it is ‘told’ and does not have the ability, like the conscious mind  does, to tell the difference between what is real and what isn’t. You can use this to benefit you. Your subconscious mind cannot argue controversially. Hence if you give it wrong suggestions, it will accept them as true and proceed to bring them to pass as conditions, experiences and events. All things that have happened to you are based on thoughts impressed on your subconscious mind through belief. Your subconscious mind is very amenable to suggestion – let this work for you.

Is fear and worry holding you back?Remember that fear is a thought in your mind. You have the power to think something different and feel less fear. Believe in yourself and talk to yourself in a positive encouraging way. Happiness comes from a quiet wise mind – anchor your thoughts on peace, poise, security and divine guidance and your mind will produce happiness. Keep your thoughts positive, loving and constructive and this will manifest in your life.

Mandy X

Recommended Reading: The Power of your subconscious mind and step to success – Dr Joseph Murphy

Change is inevitable

 

 

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Change is inevitable

An indisputable fact of life is that change is a continuous process that we all have to adapt to. Life moves on and we get older. The seasons come and go and people come and go from our lives too. Sometimes change is positive  such as the arrival of a new baby or moving into a bigger house but it can also be negative like a relationship that ends or someone passing away.

Change is inevitable and our attitude to change is what makes the situation easier when the change is negative.

Tips for dealing with change

Focus on what you can control

When we focus on what we can’t control we create unnecessary anxiety and stress in our lives. We cannot control the thoughts and actions of others, all we can control is our own thoughts and actions. This is where your power lies, bring your focus back to yourself. Always ask yourself whether what you are worrying about is within your control. If it isn’t, learn to let it go.

Practice ‘non-attachment’

Everything in life is temporary – your possessions and even the people in your life. This idea provokes anxiety for a lot of people but use this to your advantage. Learn to really appreciate what you have now as it won’t be there forever. Practicing a certain amount of non-attachment is a good thing as it is a worldly reminder that life is transient and that we should never take for granted the people in our lives. The less attachment we have to physical possessions, the happier we are. Being too attached to material possessions brings with it anxiety and a desire to exert control. This control is something many people chase but it is a waste of energy in the long run.

Live in the moment as much as possible

We all scare ourselves unnecessarily with fearful thoughts about the future. “What if this happens or what if that becomes a reality?”. More often than not the fearful thoughts are far worse than the reality would be and it is our inability to cope with uncertainty that leads many of us to feel anxious. Practising mindfulness is a great way to allay fears and to enjoy the moment more. When we are living inside our heads and worrying about the future, we are losing precious moments to feel happy and content. Try to focus your attention on what is going on around you. Practise focusing your attention in the present moment. If you catch your mind wandering to the future, refocus on your environment – what can you see, hear, touch…? This does take practise but keep at it!

Goals and purpose

Committing to a purpose that is greater than ourselves is a wonderful way to bring meaning into life. What are your long term and short term goals? Create a visualisation board with images of where you would like to be in a year or two years…what do you see?

Having something to work towards can help you to feel stronger when you are experiencing moments of self doubt. A bigger picture can help you to stay on track.

Change is inevitable but it doesn’t have to be something we fear. Instead of resisting it, learn to work with it as if you have chosen that change on purpose. There is a lesson in every life experience and change we go through.

Mandy X

 

 

Life’s what you make it

 

 

life's what you make it

Life’s what you make it

“Life’s what you make it” – it’s such an old cliche, but hear me out. Life is hard and I am not under any illusions about the hardships we can all face. In fact, I have faced many of them – chronic illness, heart break, poverty, fear, anxiety, rejection…yep – been there and got the t-shirt.

But whatever life throws at you, you can still choose your attitude. It’s about sink or swim. I have days when I just want to hide under the duvet and I can feel very sorry for myself. Then, after a bit of wallowing and self pity I force myself to listen to a pep talk: something like this:

“You’re wasting precious days doing things that are unhelpful and don’t make you feel any better. You can choose to focus on all the bad or you can try to find positive ways forward. You don’t have to like everything that happens to you in life but choose to be optimistic and don’t let the cruelty of life grind you down and make you bitter. Keep giving back love, hope and faith in spite of all the nonsense – that’s the best revenge”.

Every moment spent in bitterness and anger is a moment of possible joy that is wasted. Pick yourself up of the floor, stop feeling sorry for yourself and go DO something. Actions, even when the brain isn’t willing and there is no motivation, is the quickest way to kick-start a different way of thinking. Baby steps – start small, even if it means a 5 minute walk outside instead of spending all day indoors.

Work to find rational alternatives to your negative thinking… is it really true that everyone on the world is mean and nasty? That’s irrational – there are some horrid types out there but there are many examples of kindness and goodwill if you look for them. Watch what you believe, watch what you focus on and choose to live the best life possible. Accept the down days, live for the better ones and never ever lose hope.

Mandy X

12 Positive habits for a better life

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12 Positive habits for a better life

I wish there was a fool proof method for a fabulous happy life. There isn’t such a formula but there are definitely some good habits that can increase your chances of a better quality of life:

Stop making assumptions

We willingly put ourselves into a mental prison of chaos when we make negative assumptions about other people’s intentions. One thought leads to another and we soon spiral downward. If you don’t have clear evidence – lose the assumption.

Focus on what you can control

We spend to much time worrying about things we have no control over. Make sure that your worry check list includes the question – “is this something I have control over?”. Learn to let go of things you cannot control. It’s a part of life – embrace uncertainty.

Focus on gratitude and positive things

The more we look for happy events and kindness in the world, the more it naturally lifts our spirits. Make a point of doing this every day. Some people even have a “gratitude journal” and write at least 3 things in it each day to remind them of the good things in their lives as well as things they like about themselves. Humans tend to default to the negatives and this is a good strategy to counteract this.

Don’t overthink

Sometimes when we worry, all we do is worry – there is no problem solving going on and this is the worst type of worry. Learn to set aside “worry time” if need be – half an hour a day and use it to make lists and come up with solutions. Overthinking is usually an unproductive habit.

Talk to yourself as you would a best friend

Never ever put yourself down. Treat yourself like royalty. This one is so important. We all have negative thoughts about ourselves but get into the habit of identifying this negative inner talk and replace it with healthier, more supportive inner chatter.

Stop living in fear

Get out of your comfort zone regularly – it’s the only way to challenge and quieten the scary thoughts that stop us from reaching our true potential. Do a risk assessment and then go for it. Even if things don’t go according to plan, you will probably find the reality isn’t half as scary as you anticipated and you will learn that you are far more capable than you ever thought. But you won’t know this until you try -test out your fearful thoughts…

Take responsibility for your own life and happiness

When we blame others for our place in life we effectively hand over all our power to them. Take it back and take responsibility for where you are. You have the power to change things, to alter the course of your life – it is never too late. Every journey starts with that first step – you can do it. No more procrastinating.

Stop comparing

What a waste of energy comparing your life to that of others. You never really know what’s going on for others and we tend to see other people’s lives through our tinted perceptions and insecurities. If we feel we haven’t achieved financially, we will compare ourselves to those who we feel have made it in this area. Still – you never know for sure – they could be up to their eyeballs in debt. Besides, is financial success REALLY what you need to be happy?

Give up on perfection

Learn to relax a little and stop trying to control everything – it’s a losing game. Learn to work with the force of nature and the natural ebbs and flows of life. Too much perfectionism might stem from insecurity. Learn to see yourself as good enough.

Reject pressure from others and society

Part of living in a society, going to school etc is that we are taught to conform, be conventional and behave like good citizens. Be aware though of when you let your personal boundaries be destroyed by too much societal indoctrination. Learn to be a critical thinker and follow your heart not the main consensus – it dilutes our personal identity in the long run.

Be true to yourself

Do what you love, and be yourself even in the face of possible rejection. Yep, I know that’s a scary concept but oh-so liberating if you can practise it a bit more often.

Take time out

Life’s all about balance. Too much of one thing is never good. Learn to be good to yourself without the guilt. A bit of selfishness is fine now and then. Look after yourself and cherish yourself. There will never be another person like you…

Mandy X

 

 

Why you need to smile right now

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Why you need to smile right now

Right here right now, things must be okay because you are sitting down reading this blog. I don’t mean that you should automatically be happy when reading this blog…(well…..eheh), what I mean is – in this very moment there isn’t a major crisis going on.

It’s possible that you are sad or overwhelmed but the fact is that you can cope – even if it is moment by moment. When all those moments of coping get added together you will see that actually what you are doing IS coping! We underestimate our abilities and our resilience.

We can tell ourselves that we won’t cope and that life is awful but often, we find that we do cope and that each small moment is somehow bearable. This is living, this is life.

Smile because some one some where cares about you.

Smile because right now, your body is working for you – your lungs are giving you oxygen, your organs are doing their jobs and your brain is allowing you to engage with your surroundings.. and read this blog.

Smile because it is a new day. Whatever has gone before has taught you something and you are STILL here. Give yourself a pat on the back right now…or go give yourself a kiss in the mirror if you feel up to it.

Smile because, actually, you are quite marvellous. Yes – take a few minutes to think of things you have done in your life that have made you feel proud of yourself. There must be at least one thing you can think of.

Smile because even though life can be tough, you still have compassion in your heart and hope for the future. Even if at times you feel all hope is gone…it must be in there somewhere –  a little ember is burning brightly.

Smile because you have more choice in life than you realise. Look at your options and opportunities, think about the choices you do have in life and where you can have control over what you do. Choose to live in line with your priorities, not the priorities others try to shove on to you.

It’s okay – life supports you and it is unfolding as it is meant to. It may be a gray dreary day wherever you are but there are still reasons to smile. Sometimes we just have to focus that bit harder to find them.

Mandy X

Happiness isn’t always a good thing

 

happiness photo

Happiness isn’t always a good thing

Happiness is often a byproduct of other life experiences. When we try to force it, it often ends up outside of our grasp. When we focus solely on feeling happiness we can end up disappointed and with decreased happiness as a result. It is the expectation that we set up and the result that we feel disappointed by that works against us feeling happy.

Believe it or not, being too cheerful can lead to problems as well. For some people it is so important to be happy that they deny their unhappiness, and as a result they are unable to remedy the underlying sadness. One study followed children from the 1920’s to old age. Researchers found that those that had died younger with the same people rated as very cheerful by their teachers.

Feeling happy inappropriately can also put you on a downer. It shows a level of unhealthy thinking when happiness results from the misfortune of others. This time of inappropriate happiness often occurs in people with mania.

Psychological scientists have discovered this that what appears to truly increase happiness, that is the strongest predictor of happiness is not money or external recognition through success or fame. Real happiness comes from meaningful social relationships. The best way to increase happiness is to stop worrying about being happy and direct your focus to the relationships you have with people.

Mandy

 

References: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/05/110516162219.htm

Photo by symphony of love