Tag Archives: imperfect

The ideal and the reality

 

ideal photo

The ideal and the reality

I was having a chat with a friend this morning about how there is so much available when it comes to self-help. There are tons of suggestions on what you should do to lead a happy and fulfilled life, and this blog is no exception. However, it must be said that there is a big difference between theory and application, or the ideal and the reality.

We all know what we should be doing but that doesn’t mean that we are all doing it. Actually, in real life, it is hard to always do the right thing, eat the right food and live a life that fits the self help books.

The irony is that a lot of anxiety comes from the gap between how we feel life should be and how life really is. So maybe part of the process should be acknowledgement of this ‘gap’ and that this is normal part of living an imperfect life. Most of us are bumbling alone, hoping that we are on the right track and that things will work out. Despite our best endeavours, we all know that life can throw us curve balls that destroy the best laid plans.

So this blog post is all about keeping a sense of humour, not taking life too seriously and accepting the imperfect nature of life. No one has all the answers, no one gets it right all the time (even if they act as if they do!) and that’s okay. Welcome to the human race…

Mandy X

Your own worst enemy

 

 

worst enemy

Your own worst enemy

Being self critical definitely makes you your own worst enemy. Finding fault with ourselves and self loathing defies all logic. We are given the raw materials to work with when we are born and although we can improve ourselves to a point, there is no escaping our biology. Despite this fact, we all seem to make a habit of rejecting ourselves and comparing ourselves unfavourably to others. What a complete waste of time!

Think about it…why wouldn’t you want to get as comfortable with yourself as possible? We’re stuck with the body we are born into so it makes sense to spend effort on liking ourselves and working with what we’ve been given. I especially loathed myself in my teens and early twenties. I was extremely self conscious and hate just about everything about myself – the way I looked, the way I behaved…there was very little self love and acceptance going on back then.

It has taken me many years to begin to feel comfortable in my own skin and I know I am not alone in this. I find it a sad state of affairs though and if I could go back and give my younger self a wise message, it would be to appreciate my youth more and focus on my strengths instead of always looking at my perceived weaknesses. We seem to only appreciate things once we no longer have them. I regularly see pictures of my younger self and can see now that I looked pretty good yet at the time, I can remember feeling inadequate, fat and ugly.

Do yourself a favour and make friends with yourself. Don’t be your own worst enemy. Learn to love all that is unique about you, no matter how weird or different. Celebrate who you are and maximise what you have with appreciation rather than self criticism. You will be amazed at how much happier and at peace you will begin to feel.

Mandy X

How to be your imperfect perfect self

 

self photo

How to be your imperfect perfect self

We live in a crazy world that is constantly trying to turn us into an obedient, conventional, conforming members of society. It takes a strong person to have the courage to go against the grain but it is often those that don’t conform that end up happiest, even though being true to yourself has it’s challenge. It’s often the harder path to follow but the most rewarding in the long run.

Stop pleasing others

You dilute your essence when you spend too much time trying to please others. Start pleasing yourself a little more. Those that are right for you will be able to handle it. If you try too hard to change into what you think is expected of you, you will end up unhappy and confused. You may even lose your identity – stick close to your natural essential self. Those that are right for you will fit in with you just fine.

Trust yourself more

Seek reassurance from others less. Get into the habit of believing in your own decisions and your own beliefs about yourself. No one else can make you feel inferior without your consent. If someone criticises the way you do things ask yourself if they are ‘qualified’ to comment. Reject the rules and laws others try to put on you, especially if you don’t agree with them. Trust yourself. Trusting in yourself and accepting the consequences of your decisions is what leads to greater confidence in yourself. ┬áKeep at it.

Like yourself

No one is perfect and we are all our own worst critic. Stop being to hard on yourself and learn to like the person you are. Sure, we can all strive to improve but get comfortable with the body you are currently living in. Why would you want to reject and resist what you have? How is that helpful? It isn’t…not in the slightest. Focus on your strengths and all the things you do love about yourself. The more you accept and like yourself, the more others will too. Nothing is more attractive than self confidence.

Identify your strengths

Regularly remind yourself of how far you have come and all the challenges that you have managed to overcome. You are still here, surviving – give yourself a pat on the back! Life is tough and you are still around to tell the tale despite all the failure, rejection and disappointment. You are far more resilient than you realise!

Stop comparing

When you acknowledge your uniqueness and you accept that we are all learning and experiencing life in different stages, you will realise what a waste of energy it is to compare your life circumstances to those of others. When we compare, we only have some of the facts and tend to compare the positives of other people’s lives with all our negative perceptions of our own lives – it very rarely benefits us and can lead us to feel downtrodden. Stop comparing – instead look at your own progress and set yourself new goals. Make sure these goals are the next step in YOUR own journey rather than a step to try keep up with someone else.

Believe in yourself

You are as good as anyone else. Don’t believe anything else. You matter as much as the next person. Believe in yourself, Be assertive and allow yourself to be heard. Get in the habit of expressing yourself – push those boundaries.

Spend time with people who inspire you and bring out the best in you. There are so many ‘social equations’ that exist – there are ‘people’ out there for you – your ‘kind’ of people. They will gravitate to you but only if you show the real you. Get brave, be yourself and celebrate the real you.

Mandy X

The perfect stranger

 

perfect stranger

The perfect stranger

When we feel dissatisfied with our relationships, it can be tempting to fantasise about what life could be like with someone that was more like us, was more loving, more supportive etc

It’s easy to fall into the trap of the perfect stranger – the idea that there is someone who will fulfil our needs and be more compatible for us than our existing partner. Of course, there is the possibility that there is someone out there that would be better suited to you but when we put too much focus on the idea of perfect stranger, we can stop putting enough effort into making our existing relationships work. If you are good companions, fancy each other and enjoy being together most of the time, that’s a great foundation/base to work with. Don’t always assume that someone else will be better. We all have bad habits and no one is perfect. Give up the idea that someone better is around the corner. It will increase your dissatisfaction and may end up a self fulfilling prophecy. Be happy with what you have if most of the time, you tend to chug along quite happily.

Mandy X