Tag Archives: inner wisdom

Do what’s in your heart


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Photo by GU / 古天熱

Do what’s in your heart

Inner wisdom is so underrated. When you do what’s in your heart and you follow your instinct, amazing things happen. The thing is, we tend to ignore that wise inner voice that is trying to tell us something. That gut feel nudges us to do something or to refrain yet we carry on regardless.

When you do what’s in your heart, you are more likely to experience a positive outcome than if you ignore what’s in your heart. I have taken note over the past few years of this theory and have found from my own personal experience that when I tune in to my instincts, it usually guides me in the right direction.



man smiling photo

When you meet someone for the first time, you make a judgement about them. How often have you found that your initial assumption was correct? The more emotional intelligence you have, the easier this will be. People with autism might find this harder but most people, who have empathy for others and are generally good with people should trust their instincts more. As it is with most things in life, some of us are better at things than others. Listen, tune in and see how effective your inner wisdom is in guiding. It is a skill that can be improved upon.

I believe that we give off energy, there are some people I immediately feel closer to and more connected to than others. Psychologists still can’t fully explain this phenomenon and I believe there are dynamics at work that we don’t fully understand. They are there nonetheless and if we can harness this energy and use it to guide and inform us we will be better placed to make good healthy decisions in life.

Mandy X



Find yourself

woman smiling forest photo

Find yourself

Photo by Claus Rebler

Do you know yourself? Do you know what makes you happy? When you find yourself, you know what makes you happy. You also know your strengths and weaknesses and are less swayed by others. When you develop you inner core and know who you are, you will achieve inner peace.

Here’s how to find yourself:

Rediscover childhood pursuits

What hobbies and interests have you stopped doing as an adult? Get back to trying some of them. Your ‘essential’ self was the person you were born to be. This person gets conditioned by society and your ‘social self’ develops. Your social self can hide your essential self and this is when we begin to feel lost and without identity. Think about activities where the times passes quickly – this is where your natural interests lie. Get back to those things you loved doing as a child.

Laugh a lot

Have fun. Play and mess about. Laughter smooths over a lot of negatives in life. It doesn’t take them away but it can make life more bearable. Learn to take life less seriously, things are often never as bad as they seem. Take regular time out.

Trust your instincts – listen to others less

We all have self doubt and this can hijack our own wisdom. Learn to tune into your inner wisdom. It is always there whispering to you but often we don’t listen. Tune out the ‘noise’ from others and tune into your instinctual tendencies. You’ll be amazed at how far you can go when you have self belief and trust your own judgement more.

Ask yourself – is this was my last day on earth, would I be happy doing what I am just about to do?

This one question sorts out priorities. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut and stop thinking in an inspired way. Every now and then it’s important to assess where you are going, whether you are on track to achieve your goals and if the quality of your life is good enough. If it isn’t, put together an action plan and do some problem solving around possibilities for change and the future.

Stop the “musts” and “shoulds”

There is no need to place unnecessary pressure on ourselves and we do this when we use the words “must” and “should”. Try replacing them with “could” or “I would prefer…”. We always have more choice in life that we think we do and these 2 words limit us.

Live in the moment

Our power to make a difference, feel happy and make changes lies in the present moment. This is what is happening to us NOW. Learn to enjoy the small things in life and be more mindful. The past is gone (learn from it) and the future is yet to come (do things now to lay ground for the future). Set goals and have a future direction but then get back to living in the present moment. Look at how happy our pets are – they live in the present and don’t worry about things that might never happen. Copy this behaviour.

Be true to yourself

This one’s important – be a misfit, be different, be unconventional but whatever you do, be true to yourself. Be proud of your quirks and differences. The more you love and accept yourself (yes, I know it’s a cliche) the more others will too. Love yourself, be yourself and never change who you are to get others to like you.

Finding yourself means being introspective regularly. Know yourself well and figure out what you like, dislike as well as what your strengths and weaknesses. There is nothing quite like being loved for who you really are.

Mandy X




It’s your life


confident photo

It’s your life

We all care far too much about what other people think of us. I would like to think that after all my years of training and working as a mental health professional that I would be a lot better at following my own inner wisdom. I do however still catch myself worrying about what other people think. It seems that it is an inevitable part of life but it is not something that we cannot challenge and learn to minimise in our lives. When I catch myself altering my behaviour and not doing what I want to do because of what others might think, it leads to self-doubt and indecisiveness. I also see it in my clients-many of whom experience incredible stress and anxiety due to the forceful opinions of family and friends.

What tends to happen is that we feel judged, and family members especially, who know us well, tend to be especially effective at belittling us and making us feel “less than”. Family members can be adept at knowing our insecurities and playing upon these fears.

The trick to counteracting the judgements of others is to learn how to care less and to build a strong inner core for yourself. This entails possessing a strong identity, having clear goals and purpose and above all accepting yourself for who you are. The more we believe in ourselves and like ourselves the less likely we are to be persuaded by others. Humans are social creatures and it is normal and natural to seek advice and support from other people. It is when the influence of other people diminishes us that it is unhealthy. Learn to identify when this is happening-figure out who the toxic people are in your life. Often when we have been in the company of toxic people, we come away feeling exhausted, confused and drained.

Here are some tips on feeling stronger within yourself. This can help you to live a life more in line with your own values and priorities-remember that it’s your life. You are the one that has to live it every day, you know yourself better than anybody else does (even if they pretend to know you better than you know yourself) and you owe it to yourself to live the life that you want, not the life that others want for you.

1) Look at the source

Whenever you’re criticised or judged by someone else, make sure that you study the person making the comments. Are they perfect? Do they have their lives completely together? Are they happy? In all likelihood you will find that they are just as flawed as the rest of us. One thing that they will probably be very good at is judging others as well as foisting their opinions on others. Critical people often use deflection or projection as a way to focus attention away from themselves. Some people believe that attack is the best form of defence.

One of my favourite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. Remember this quote it will come in handy.

2) Trust your instincts

we all have in the wisdom and sadly as we become adults this powerful in a resource becomes diluted. This is due to social conditioning, the pressure to conform, the pressure to please and needs to feel loved and accepted by others. We are taught as children to change our behaviour in order to be socially acceptable. Part of this process involves knocking down our inner desires and replacing them with ones that others deem more acceptable. This process knocks our confidence and promotes low self-esteem, lack of self belief and a load of self-doubt. Part of developing yourself as a strong and connected human involves reconnecting with your essential self. Your essential self is the person that you were naturally meant to become. Your social self is the adult that you grow to become that fits in and plays by the rules. Naturally we all have to abide by certain rules of the world would be chaos at this process can damage the delicate ones amongst us who begin to lose their own sense of identity. Make a list of the things that you enjoyed doing as child, the things that you are good at and are still good at. Notice your natural inclinations-do you enjoy company would you prefer being alone? Do you value money, people, peace and quiet…? Reconnecting with your true self is an integral part of building your confidence. This will lead you to feeling stronger about where you are going and what you want to do with your life even in the face of critical family members and friends.

3) Nurture your self belief

Remember that no one has all the answers. Your ideas and opinions about the board are just as valid as anyone else’s. Focus on all the times in your life that you have surprised yourself in a positive way. I was not very good at maths at school and came to believe that I was just useless when it came to numbers. Then in my early years of working I had to attend an airline fares course with the mathematical equations were incredibly complex. I had no one to help me as I was staying in a hotel away from home and decided that it was completely up to me to pass this course I spent every night in the hotel reading and going back over the day’s work. At the end of the course, I ended up with one of the highest scores in class. I was absolutely amazed. All that time I had spent with the self-limiting belief that I was useless at maths was not entirely correct. Self belief is a dynamic concept as it cannot always be at 100%. But we can constantly work at challenging our negative thoughts about ourselves. Who says that your way isn’t the right way? Where is it written that you are doing things wrong? Then to live your life with conviction and even if you make mistakes along the way, at least you are trying and hopefully learning from your mistakes.

4) Stop being a people pleaser

We all have it in us to want to please others. When that need to please others comes before our own self-worth it is unhealthy. It is the facts that you will never be able to please everybody so you may as well start learning to please yourself. There will always be two groups out there, no matter what you do. There will be those that support you and those that disagree with you. Accept it and get on with your life. The more you try to please others the more you send yourself a message that you are not worthy on some levels. That message can be different for each of us. Learn to identify why you want to please someone else. Are you doing it for the sheer joy of it are you doing its two-game validation or approval? Doing it for the sheer joy healthy, doing it for approval can lead you into problems.

5) Create goals and have purpose in life

When we have an idea of where we’re going and what we want in life, especially when those goals are as specific as possible (SMART goals) it can help us stay on course in the face of criticism and disapproval. When we have set goals for ourselves on meaningful and in line with our values, we have a sense of purpose to carry us through even when the going gets tough.

No one has the right to tell you how to live your life and you need to regularly remind yourself that you often know what is best for you. Have faith in your ideas and beliefs. Be assertive in the face of criticism. Being passive (your needs are more important than mine), as in not responding at all to toxic people will eat away at your self-esteem. Being aggressive (my needs are more important than yours) will cause unnecessary stress and conflict in your life. Get the balance right by adopting a “win-win” attitude. This approach looks at how both parties can get their needs met. Sometimes however, when toxicity levels are high, the best way forward is to limit your time with these people or possibly avoid them altogether.

No one wants to look back on their life and feel it was wasted. Use your time well by being true to yourself. Know where you want to be and who you are. It is good to get advice and to connect with others-we all need this must be wary of the toxic ones around you have their own agenda. Take your power back and own your life.

Mandy X


live dangerously

Live Dangerously



live dangerously

Live Dangerously

Okay, I’m not talking about robbing little old ladies (or men for that matter) or doing anything illegal but I have noticed how so many people (myself included) tend to live too safely. We worry constantly in the hopes that we will prevent future problems, procrastinate when it comes to decision making and tend to live fearfully, waiting for the axe to fall. Our thoughts help us to imagine all sorts of awful catastrophes and as a result we become paralysed by over analysis and stay in our comfort zones.

I say, enough of that… some sort of risk assessment is advisable and a good dollop of common sense is always helpful but  apart from that, you really do have more freedom and choice than you allow yourself to believe. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen. I often get clients to fill in  a “fear form” with the following on it:

1) What’s the worst that can happen?

2) What’s the best that can happen?

3) What is most likely to happen?

4) Even if the worst does happen what can you do to deal with the situation?

5) Is there anything you can do now to feel more empowered and capable in your life?


What have you been putting off doing? You know what it is, your inner wisdom has probably been prodding you for ages but you have ignored it. We function, get used to the routine and stop challenging what is no longer working for us. When we ignore the paths to true happiness that present themselves, we shut off a little more, become that little bit more thick skinned and unplug from the energy of life(see my post on being unplugged written yesterday). So, the BIG question is – what are you afraid of?

Is it fear of the unknown? Fear of making a bad decision? Fear of regretting your choices? The truth is that most people regret things they didn’t do as opposed to the things they tried, even if the things they tried didn’t work out. There are no guarantees in life although it is almost a certainty that if you live a life that is too safe, you will not really be living at all. See each day as a chance to test yourself, to experiment..look forward to making a fool of yourself..it’ll give you something to laugh about later when you get home..or it could make a great story at a dinner party (not that that should be your motivation!). Do it for you. Do it because you are on this earth, living and breathing..do it because you can. You don’t need a reason.

This quote from Steve Jobs says it all:

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

So, get out there..try something new.Take that overseas trip you’ve been thinking about,  talk to the stranger in the lift, tell someone how you really feel about them..risk it and pat yourself on the back every time you do (even if the results are disastrous). Don’t take life so seriously, keep that sense of humour. Life is all about trial and error not staying safe and wondering.

Mandy X

live dangerously