Tag Archives: kindness

A Championship Is Given To Those Who Gift The Most, Not Those With The Most Gifts

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A Championship Is Given To Those Who Gift The Most, Not Those With The Most Gifts

I recently listened to a podcast by Tony Robbins in which he takes the listeners back to when he was 29 years old. During this time, Tony was on his meteoric rise to becoming the most renowned life coach in history and as a by-product of this he had the opportunity to interview some of the greatest minds on our planet.

In this particular interview he sat down with one of the best coaches in the history of sports. Admittedly, I didn’t know too much about this particular coach. What I did know however, is that a Tony Robbins interview takes the listener on an emotional ride that encompasses all aspects of life. With this knowledge in hand, I prepared myself for the next 2 hours.

Questions

As the interview began I wondered if it would be worthy of my time. I hoped that it would touch on all the things that I deem important: life, love, and happiness. Above that, I remained optimistic that the interview would answer some of my most burning questions.

* What makes a champion?

* What unit of measure determines a champion?

* Is it how many games they win?

* The legacy they leave behind?

* Is a champion even measureable or is it an abstract idea?

I listened intently to the entire interview clinging on to every word as if it was the last words I would ever hear. The two of them discussed success, happiness, love, purpose, and so much more. The way they interacted with one another was similar to the way that a father and son would interact. It was apparent that Tony had a deep seeded respect for the coach and as he talked, the two of us received an education not found in books.

At the conclusion of the interview a flurry of feelings took over my mind and body. I became happy, sad, excited, surprised and humbled by what I had learned.

New success

By the end it was apparent that the reason this coach was so successful in life and his career wasn’t because he was better at the sports he taught or that he had the best players in the world coming to play for him. This coach was so successful because his players respected him on a very deep level. They valued his wisdom, beliefs and most importantly, the way in which he treated them.

If I were to be honest, at first I had a hard time understanding all that I had learned. How could a team become a champion based on wisdom, beliefs, and how they are treated? I was always taught that a team wins because of the physical and mental gifts they are given.

It took me the better part of a week to come to an understanding of how this was so. As I learned, it first begins with how you define your version of winning. For most people, not all but most, it begins and ends with the aforementioned “gifts” and then naturally progresses into the things that they can purchase as a result of the gifts.

The coach believed this to be untrue. I tend to agree.

The success of a person’s is not calculated by the possessions they own. The success of a person is calculated by the amount of people they help and the legacy that they leave.

Formula

Listening to the coach made it very obvious that what a person is capable of or what they do with their lives is a direct result of what they are taught. It is these teachings that create the formula for a championship calibre life.

Don’t be mistaken this formula is not enough by itself. In order for a life to be of championship calibre, the offered teachings must be accepted and implemented by the student. The coach knew and understood this. He affirms this by telling Tony that his own personal success is not measured by the multiple championships he has won but rather by the players who grew up to become difference makers in the world. When asked if someone would go on to be successful after they left his program, he would always respond the same way, “I won’t know for at least 20 years”.

Throughout his life, he carried around seven ideologies that his father passed down to him. These seven things became the foundation that he built his life around.

1. Be true to yourself

2. Make each day your masterpiece

3. Help others

4. Drink deeply from good books

5. Make friendship a fine art

6. Build a shelter against rainy days

7. Pray for guidance, and give thanks for your blessings every day.

I hope after reading each of these seven things you have come to the understanding that each one is no more or less difficult to comprehend, accept, and implement in your life than any of the others. In truth, none of them are an unreasonable standard to live your life by.

Your future

Imagine for a moment your life one, two, or three years into the future. If you implemented just one, what would your life look like? Would it be the exact same as it is now or dramatically different? While I am not a soothsayer, I can venture a guess that it would differ from the way it looks right now.

Now imagine how the lives around you would look? I ask you to do this because it is in this realm of imagination that your life truly has a chance to change. To create profound, lasting change means to affect those around you more than you affect yourself. If it sounds selfless, it’s because it is. Understand that by no means does affecting change in others prevent change in your own life. It is actually the opposite. As you will invariably find out, your personal change will be organically affected as a by-product of the change you affect in others.

It is my hope that in 20 years from now, you are able to look back on the things you are doing right now in you life and attribute your championship to them.

I will leave you with the same way the coach left Tony.

“Not what we give, but what we share, for the gift without the giver is bare.”

James Russell Lowell

This is a guest post by Joel A.Scott. For more info: joelascott

 

 

Compassion and empathy

 

compassion and empathy

Compassion and empathy

Compassion and empathy exists but we can always do with more. Compassion and empathy is they key to tolerance and understanding. I get so annoyed when I hear people making judgemental comments such as, “Look at that fat person, why don’t they get off their arse and go to the gym” or “That person was so selfish committing suicide…”

Judgemental comments like that show ignorance and a lack of understanding. If only people could ask one word more often. That word is “WHY?”

When we look for the reasons for a person’s behaviour we may find that we have more compassion and empathy. No one is the way they are purely for no reason. Dysfunctional adults usually have a very valid reason for their issues – be that obesity, alcoholism and/or depression, to name a few. Often, they are victims in some way too and have unfortunately found unhelpful ways to cope – such as overeating or gambling or doing drugs. Yes, they are responsible for their own behaviour, but if we are able to practise the human ability of empathy and put ourselves in the shoes of others, we may be less inclined to judge.

So the next time you find yourself judging someone else, try to look a little deeper into why they may be doing whatever it is they are doing. You might be amazed at just how tolerant and compassionate you really are.

Mandy X

There’s no need to be mean

 

nasty photo

There’s no need to be mean

There seems to be a general consensus on the idea that being mean gets you ahead in life. There is a famous quote, “Nice guys finish last”. I don’t believe this though. Being assertive is the best way to be – stand up for yourself and try to reach a win-win situations with others. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be a nasty person. Asking for what you want but considering other people’s needs is a great way to move forward in life and still like yourself in the process.

People who are mean may temporarily get ahead in life but the long term effects can be surprising. Negative emotions are suppressed and this sometimes lead to depression and anxiety later in life. I like the idea of karma – if you’re mean to others, that negative energy will be returned to you in some form or another.

So deliver kindness to others, treat others as you would like to be treated. As tempting as it is to return nastiness when it is received, I try my best not to return it as it leads me to operate at the same simplistic and barbaric level as those mean ‘low lifes’.

Spend time with people you love, trust and respect and limit time with the toxic people but never stoop to their level. They are not worth your energy.

Mandy X

Good advice for a happy new year

 

happy new year photo

Good advice for a happy new year

I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time looking for ‘mental fixes’ and sure-fire actions to make life happier, smoother and more peaceful. However, no matter how hard I try I have not yet succeeded (and never really expected to if I am realistic – can’t help trying though!)  in finding a specific formula tailored to dealing with the mad lives we lead on this truly insane planet. I have found simple ideas though that have helped me navigate life a little more easily. I may not have all the answers and I am learning all the time, but I am sure going to keep on trying to find better ways to live and share them with my readers. (You are welcome to share your tips with me too).

So, I have put together a list of good advice that I have come across over the years to consider as you go forth into another New Year. I wish you love, warmth, understanding and kindess…

Good advice:

  1. Live in the moment. By all means have long term goals but then avert your attention and focus back to today. Be fully present in your life and don’t check out of life and live for a future that hasn’t arrived yet.
  2. Give up comparing your life to others. We are all here to accomplish different things at different times. Success is not liner and success isn’t necessarily financial stability or a full social calendar either. The more you are true to yourself, the less you will worry about what others are doing. You might rejoice in their successes but you won’t use it as a competition or a reinforcer to remind yourself that you are failing.
  3. Stop overthinking. When you are in your mind you are in ‘enemy territory’. I like that saying as I have found personally, and in my professional work, that people can be very hard on themselves and tend to default to negative, self critical thinking. Use your thinking time to find solutions and make action plans. The moment you find you are ruminating over the same topic without much progress it is time to distract yourself and do something else.
  4. Maintain balance in your life. It is hard in modern times to find time to pamper ourselves and when we do we tend to invariably feel overwhelmed with guilt. Part of honouring and loving ourselves is accepting that we deserve love and care and that we owe it to ourselves to spoil ourselves – take a holiday, go for a massage…everything should have it’s place and a clear even balance between work and play must be followed if you want to function optimally in life. Get used to rejecting guilt – a wasted emotion that you can choose to reject.
  5. Choose your thoughts about the world wisely. What you want to believe or choose to believe will shape your world so it is vitally important to analyse and carefully craft what you wish to believe about yourself, the world and other people. Believe negative thoughts and “confirmation bias” will automatically show you examples in life of your negative thinking. Be open minded, not naive. Trust in good. You will be happier for it. Never give up hope and faith and positive perceptions even in the face of the opposite. I am not saying accept all the awful things that happen in the world but don’t let them define you and wear you down. When we focus too much on all the negativity we can become bitter and twisted. I counteract the negative events I come across by watching what I think about them and regularly give to charities and try to do my little bit to counteract suffering. We all have our own personal ways of dealing with things that upset us but never let them win and overwhelm you into seeing the whole world as bad and negative – all that will do is make you sad and angry and helpless.
  6. Have more fun and laugh a lot. Be adventurous, be daring and learn to try new things regularly. How else will you learn about your strengths and weaknesses? Get out of your comfort zone and meet others, try things you feel scared of. This is the best way to conquer fear and gain confidence and you will be able to look back on your life with fewer regrets and “what ifs”. Life doesn’t have to be that serious…

The above suggestions are just a few ideas. Please leave comments if you would like to add any of your own ideas that have helped you get through life. Don’t let the mean people grind you down, just feel sorry for them. Try not to take things personally and be wary of making assumptions – they are usually based on our thoughts and NOT on any evidence. We really can create our own personal heaven or hell by the thoughts we wish to ‘feed’ ourselves with.

HAPPY NEW YEAR..I am looking forward to sharing it with you!!

Mandy X

 

Kind people in the world

 

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Kind people in the world

Sometimes we get so bogged down by all the trouble and strife that surrounds us that it makes us cynical and suspicious of others. I feel it is important though to never give up on the belief that there are many good, kind people who are willing to help out and expect nothing in return.

Cognitive bias means that we tend to look for examples in real life to confirm our beliefs and when we believe the world is inherently unkind, we will (often unconsciousIy) notice examples in every day life that confirm what we believe. This causes a skewed view of the world and means that we often miss opportunities to see examples of the opposite of what we believe. Remember that a belief is not a fact and can be challenged and altered. I met a few kind people during my recent visit to Margate and Port Shepstone in South Africa.

One was a friend of a friend, Graham, who let me stay in his home for free. I felt very at home there and played with his three cute dogs and whistled to his yellow budgie called Tweety. Graham and his animals were great ‘therapy’ during a tough time.

The other two people I want to mention are a couple named Gert and Elizabeth.

On my last day in Margate, I popped in to say good bye to my father who was finally at home after a near fatal lung infection that left him on a ventilator and in hospital for nearly three weeks. Lying down for so long causes your muscles to atrophy and my dad’s legs were so weak he wasn’t able to walk. Due to this, I hired a carer named Wiseman to be there full time for my dad until he was able to walk again. When I arrived, Wiseman asked if he could quickly go home to pick up clean clothes. I drove him to the nearest taxi rank to save him time. Upon my return, I was concerned to notice that the electric gate to the complex where my Dad lived refused to open.

I had not taken a mobile phone with me as I had expected to only be gone 5 minutes. The electric gate had been playing up the day before but not actually stopped working completely. I had a flight to catch and needed to leave in one hour. I couldn’t ask my Dad to help as he was indoors and unable to walk and there was no one else living in the complex as all the other apartments were holiday apartments with the owners only staying there temporarily.

I tried climbing over the gate but in South Africa, due to the crime rate, walls have electric fencing and this gate had huge sharp spikes on it.

I drove around the area until I spotted a man with a walking stick heading towards the beach. I drove over to him and asked if he might have a ladder I could borrow to get over the gate with. It might’ve seemed a little suspicious, but he changed his plans and his wife came along too. We went to his house, got a ladder and I then drove them the 5 minutes it took to get back to the errant gate. I climbed over and went to check on my Dad. He explained how to open the gate by putting it onto a manual setting and we were finally A for Away. Had it not been for Gert and Elizabeth I would’ve missed my flight!

I am hugely appreciative of people who help for no other reason than to assist a person in need.

Thank you Graham, Gert and Elizabeth!! You prove that there are kind people in the world – sometimes you just have to look for them.

 

Mandy X

 

Photo by symphony of love

miracles

Surrender

miracles photo

Surrender who you think you are to become who you are meant to be

I came across this text below whilst reading up on the boy, Ram known as the “Buddha Boy”. A very interesting take on being true to ourselves and being centered.

“Surrender not in the sense about invalidating who you are, rather just the opposite. We are talking about total validation of who you are, what you are, and what you were created to be. Surrender, in a sense of stopping the cessation of trying to be who you think you need to be and the start of simply allowing yourself to be who you are, to surrender and give up the personality game that you have been taught for many years to think that you were supposed to play. And in letting that go, in giving it up, in surrendering it, then actually allowing yourself to be what you were created to be, which is in the image of the Infinite. Which means you are created to be unlimited possibilities and, thus, then when you surrender the limiting personality mask that prevents you from seeing that you are Infinite being, that you are unlimited possibilities.

When you give that up, you are then allowing the universe, which is a mirror, to reflect, not just the limited personality that you think you are supposed to be, but instead to reflect the unlimited possibilities that you actually are and to allow your life, as we said before, to become an infinite series of miraculous circumstances because that is what you are, miracles of Creation.

Remember, you are Creation itself, you are the act of creation, you are the event of creation itself. So to surrender to life, to surrender to Creation, to surrender to the Infinite, no matter by what name you wish to call it, it doesn’t matter, by so doing, you are surrendering to your true nature and allowing your reality automatically to show you the miracle of creation that you are. And, thus, then, your reality can represent the miracle that you are by a continuous series of synchronicities that always support you, that benefit you, allow you to experience expanded creativity and abundance.

When we talk about the idea of surrendering, we are talking about one of the most profound acts of love, self-love, creation that you can do. And in so, finally, just letting go, just stopping all the trying, all the struggling, all the striving of what you think you are supposed to do, in order to, “Have what you think you are supposed to have.” When you give all that up, when you finally just get so tired of trying to be who you think you are supposed to be and give up because you just get so tired of trying to push this that way, pull this this way, and make things fit, and make things fall into place, and make things work, when you finally get so tired of doing all that pushing and pulling, when you finally give it all up and let go, then, then the miracles happen, then you can experience life for what it is, unlimited possibilities. So, remember when you surrender your personality, when you let go and you give it up, you are surrendering to life, to the Infinite, and to your true self. You are not losing anything nor giving your power away. You are once and for all, finally, allowing yourself to actually be who you are, your natural self, your true self.” ― Bashar

 

Mandy X

Webpage: http://bensmatrix.info/2013/07/10/ram-bahadur-bomjan-buddha-boy-is-now-a-man-yet-still-a-marvel/

Photo by AlicePopkorn

wise words

Stories of Kindness

kindness photo

Treat people with kindness

Stories of Kindness

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”
~Aesop

1) The story of homeless man Glen James involved many acts of kindness.

The first was his own. When Glen, who had been living on the streets of Boston, found a backpack stuffed with $42,000 he decided to turn it over to police so it could be reunited with its owner, rather than keep what would undoubtedly have been a life-changing loot. But after reading about his honest act, Ethan Whittinghton set up a fund for Glen. Donations flooded in from around the world, eventually raising more than $100,000 to change the homeless man’s life after all.

glen james

Acts of kindness and selflessness


Glen James

 

 

 

 

 

 

2) Giving someone a hug can make a big difference to a person in need of support and comfort.

And these tender pictures of Pope Francis taking time to embrace a man with tumours all over his body were broadcast around the world. The man suffers from a rare condition called neurofibromatosis that has left him covered in neuronal tumours, including growths on his face. The pontiff stopped to hug, kiss and bless him in St Peter’s Square in Rome.

Rex FeaturesPope Francis I comforts man<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
Papal audience, St. Peter's Square, Vatican City, Rome, Italy - 06 Nov 2013

 

3) The morning commute is rarely a pleasant experience.

But commuters making their way through Earls Court tube station in London last November received a heart warming message to cheer them up during Monday’s rush hour. The station’s Thought For The Day, written on a whiteboard near the entrance read: “You… yes you. The one reading this. You are beautiful, kind, sweet, amazing and simply the best at being you. Never forget that.”

Felicity Morse/Twitter

 

4) Hundreds of thousands of workers were affected by the US Government shutdown last autumn.

So when waitress Sarah Hoidahl heard two National Guard soldiers discussing how they would be missing out on pay, she decided to pick up the bill for them, leaving a note that read: “Thanks to the gov. shutdown the people like you that protect this country are not getting paid. However I still am. Lunch is on me! Thank you for serving ladies. Have a good day!” And then when TV star Ellen DeGeneres heard about the single mum’s generous act, she decided to reward her 300 times over. Ellen gave Sarah back the $27.75 she paid, plus a cheque for $10,000

 

Photo by symphony of love

@HiddenCash Hidden Kindness

 

The kindness of strangers

The kindness of strangers (Photo credit: Ed Yourdon)

@Hiddencash

What a wonderful idea. A secret samaritan has been hiding cash around the city in San Francisco and has been posting clues for the treasure hunt on Twitter (@Hiddencash). I saw this story on the news a few days ago and it got me thinking. There are many ways to put back positivity and kindness into the world without too much effort. I remember going to withdraw cash a few years ago near my home and on top of the ATM, next to the key pad was a book. There was a sticker on it inviting me to read the book and then replace it somewhere in public for someone else to find.

 

I didn’t take the book but the generosity still affected me in a positive way and I left with a big smile on my face. We are all softies underneath and enjoy happy stories about life. It reinforces our faith in humanity and reminds us that there is a lot of good in the world. In fact I believe that the more positivity you send out, the happier you become. It is those with negative beliefs about others, those that have been hurt in the past and have not received closure and perspective that tend to see the worst in others. They believe they are protecting themselves from further hurt when in fact they are marinating in toxic thoughts that will never enable them to experience faith, kindness and trust. Becoming a part of that positive energy can be hugely rewarding. Making your focus about others instead of ourselves.

 

In fact – I have found out something quite interesting. When attempting to get others to know about my blog and share it’s benefits, I often get more results by spending my time congratulating others on their great blog posts, liking other people’s tweets and sharing their information than when I concentrate solely on letting others know about my blog. Offering positive feedback, complimenting others, retweeting and writing a sincere note to someone to let them know they are doing a good job not only allows us to feel great bit also makes a huge impression on others. We all want to feel validated and if you want to leave an impression on others during your stay on Earth, let someone else know you appreciate them or what they do.

 

Those that have taken the time to write and give me positive feedback (as well as constructive criticism) are very important to me. They also help me to feel I am making a difference and that they have noticed what I do. Never assume that someone is too busy to appreciate a kind word.

Kind deeds to consider:

Compliment a stranger on their appearance

Smile at a stranger

Let a stranger out in the traffic

Pay for someone else’s tea/coffee

Pay for someone else’s parking ticket

Have flowers delivered to some one you care about

Let someone know on social media (Twitter, FaceBook, Google+ etc) how you appreciate their message/what they do

Donate to charity

 

Try to do one kind deed every day. Don’t expect anything back for it, do it because you want to. The spirit of kindness is destroyed when we expect gratitude back because if we don’t get it the result is negative. Be kind and generous  irrespective of whether someone else will appreciate it or not. Let’s start a kind deed revolution – a whirlpool of positivity gaining momentum (Sorry – so cheesy and cliched but I’m on a roll now…). Imagine how wonderful this planet could be! Just reframing your thinking to be more positive without taking any action would make a huge difference…positive thinking ultimately leads to positive action.

 

Mandy X

 

 

 

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