Tag Archives: let go

Control, Resistance and Acceptance

 

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Control, Resistance and Acceptance

Peace of mind and contentment doesn’t come from control. We all fool ourselves by thinking that if we can control our worlds and environments we will be happier. This is a myth. Firstly, there is no such thing as 100% control.The very nature of life on earth is uncertain. Trying to obtain control is wasted energy and although it helps us temporarily to feel safer (and soothes our minds), the reality is that we are no more safe with or without seeking ultimate control.

I have observed people spending inordinate amounts of time trying to control people and things in their lives. They avoid uncertainty and resist whatever threatens them in life. Be that new experiences or events that they fear such as a new relationship or making important and necessary changes in their lives. Resisting ‘what is’ is similar to being stuck in a yacht on a lake with no wind and trying to blow at the sales with your own breath. It won’t get you very far and will leave you exhausted.

If instead, you accept that at the present moment you’re in a spot of trouble but that if you relax and give it some time, things may very well correct themselves naturally, sending a gust of wind to help you out. Accepting a situation and ‘sitting with it’ for a while can often bring you the clarity you lack when you are trying to control outcomes that are actually beyond your control.

When we hit a snag in life, we immediately go into control mode, instead of waiting and  being patient that little bit longer. Try it. Not everything needs to be controlled. Trust in the natural order of life at times and let this guide you as to how to move forward.

Mandy X

 

Why we all need to let go

 

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Why we all need to let go

There are so many opportunities in life to get all churned up about negative things that happen to us. The incident may be over but we relive the event in our mind over and over. A certain amount of thought is normal and natural but when we cling to something obsessively it begins to hurt us and possibly even cause psychological damage. Learn to let go.

We all need to learn to let go and acknowledge that we can’t control others nor some inevitable experiences that we don’t wish to have. All we can control is who we decide to let into our lives and how we react to others. No matter how wonderful, gorgeous or rich we are – we still cannot stop others from making hurtful remarks, from triggering our insecurities or from rejecting us – leading to us feeling unworthy or unloved. So, it pays to learn to let go of the things we cannot control.

How to let go

Acceptance is key. Some times bad things happen. It may have less to do with you than you think so try not to personalise other people’s behaviour. Sometimes, it’s all to do with the other person’s shortcomings and has nothing to do with you. Let go.

A good sense of humour is also essential in helping you to let go. Don’t take life too seriously. Learn to manage negative emotions and think about how you  might feel about things in a year from now.

Keep perspective. Good and bad is a part of life, sadness and happiness, ups and downs…learn to ride the waves and enjoy the highs, survive the lows. Don’t allow the ‘lows’ to turn you into an anxious, self loathing person. Let the lows help you appreciate the highs and also use the low points to teach you and strengthen you.

Realise it isn’t always about you – let go and don’t personalise. As I mentioned before – when life is tough or others treat us badlt, many of us (especially women) internalise this negative emotion and blame ourselves or see it as proof that we are unloveable, unworthy,…………….fill in the blank space!

Focus on empowerment – what you can do to improve the situation without the cooperation of other person (or outside influence, things beyond our control) where possible. Go out, make new friends, take up a hobby, spend less time with toxic people. Learn to let go and take life less seriously.

Mandy X

 

let go

10 Things to let go of before the New Year

let go photo

10 Things to let go of before the New Year

What worries have you been hanging on to? Have you been letting crazy negative thoughts, schemes and unnecessary worries plague you and take the joy away from daily life?Part of life involves letting go of things that are no longer working for you. This can be a scary time but working through the scary unknown part is worth it if it allows you to live a more fulfilling freer life at the end of it.

Stop trying to be the person you think you should be and start honouring the true wishes you have about who you want to become. Love yourself enough to remove the negative aspects that you are able to change.

I’ve given thought to my own unnecessary baggage and this inspired me to come up with the list below. They’re a great reminder to keep us on track and help us to focus on where we want to be.

1) Let go of the self hatred. We can all find things to reject about ourselves but ask yourself how this works for you. It doesn’t. It’ll fill you with negative self talk and you cannot live a positive life whilst you marinate in negativity about yourself. You are more than the shape of your body or the number on the scale. See the whole package and focus on your strengths. Less of the negative self talk.

2) Let go of conformity. You are unique for a reason, accentuate your differences – be proud to be different. The more different and quirky the better in my view.

3) Let go of perfectionism. Those who succeed believe they will find a way and learn as they go. They don’t expect life to go smoothly or perfectly but they see the imperfections as brilliant opportunities to learn and grow.

4) Let go of the “busy myth”. It’s okay to sit around and watch the world go by, in fact, I’d say it’s vital! Being busy doesn’t equate to being happier or achieving more. Quality over quantity every time. Choose carefully what you want to be busy with.

5) Let go of whatever you can’t change, like the past or other people. Empower yourself by focusing on what is within your power and take action on that.

6) Let go of thinking you are lacking in some way or that you are not where you should be. It’s much more effective to believe that you are living the life you are right now because it is meant to be. Things can change, wanting to improve is healthy but thinking that there is something lacking will leave you feeling like you’re constantly playing catch up. Stop chasing and start planning.

7) Let go of comparing your life to others. We all have ups and downs and life is not a race. Focus on what makes you happy rather than what makes others happy and thinking you’re missing out. The only comparing going on should be where you’ve been and how far you’ve come.

8) Let go of fear. Fear limits you and stops you from finding or seeing opportunities. Do a risk assessment of course, but take action. Don’t allow “analysis-paralysis” to win.

9) Let go of blame. Yes, parents, other people, exes, your ill health etc may have set you back but look at the possibilities of what you can do and can change. Blame is a psychological way of telling ourselves we are victims. Choose to never see yourself as a victim.

10) Let go of your comfort zone. See life as an adventure, a zone to explore, grow and learn. You do yourself a disservice when you live life in a constant place of safety. Test your limits and keep a sense of humour…

 

Mandy X

 

 

 

Photo by symphony of love

When To Let Go Of A Relationship

 

Difficult employee ... You never answer the ph...

Difficult employee … You never answer the phone — Moktar Belmoktar (29 May 2013) …item 2.. Journalist or Arab Propagandist? — Abdul Bari Atwan (Published: June 8, 2013) … (Photo credit: marsmet548)

When to let go

How do you know when to let go of a relationship? It can be hard to say good bye to something you have invested a lot of emotional energy (and possibly financial resources)into. The longer we stay the harder it can be to let go of a relationship. So what do you need to consider when thinking of letting go?

1) Time

How long have you felt unhappy? If it has been less than a month, it might just be a low patch in the relationship. If you have felt unhappy for longer than a few weeks it might be an issue that will continue to persist. Consider couples counselling to see if you can iron out underlying issues.

2) Communication

When you talk are you able to resolve issues? Sometimes when two people come from completely different perspectives they can find it impossible to understand each other’s perspective. The wider the differences in how you see things the more difficult it will be to sustain a relationship. When a couple comes to see me for counselling, I can tell pretty quickly how in tune they are. When they describe the same event as if it is two completely different events, the less hope there is that they will be able to resolve their issues.

3) Love

Sometimes, even when there are differences, if a couple still feel attracted to each other and there is still goodwill remaining, many difficult factors can be overcome when there is motivation to work at the relationship.

4) Teamwork

Do you function as a team or do you feel that you may as well be single when it comes to receiving support in life? Support comes in many forms – financial, emotional and physical support. Does your partner care for you? Do they try to make your life easier – whether it is through acts of service (such as doing your ironing or fixing your broken washing machine), giving useful information to help you, or listening to you with a cup of tea and a cuddle at the ready? Selfish partners who put themselves first tend not to do well in relationships where they have to consider someone else.

5)Physical Intimacy

Do you still want to be intimate with your partner? When things start to go wrong, this can be the first part to suffer. When there is resentment it can hinder physical closeness, more often for women than men.

Most of all – trust your instincts. You will know if your needs are being met and if you respect and love your partner enough to want to stay. Often we stay out of familiarity and fear of the unknown. You are doing yourself a disservice by staying in something that no longer works. Be strong – get through the initial sadness to enjoy the fulfilment and love that is waiting for you on the other side.

Mandy X