Tag Archives: let go

Trust the process

 

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Trust the process

There are times in life when you just have to trust the process. There is a lot to be said for learning to let go of things you cannot control. Often, we resist ‘what is’ and exhaust ourselves in the process. Instead, the wise person sees the bigger picture and knows when to let go of the reins and see where the path takes him/her.

Example: “I will make that person care/love me”. We go out of our way to be someone we are not and fret over every small thing, fearful of rejection. We can be desperate to be loved and accepted and waste far too much energy on trying to make another behave/feel in a certain way. Actually – even without huge amounts of posturing, if there is a good connection, the relationship will probably chug along quite nicely. Learn to relax and trust the process.

It’s like being on a small sail boat on a lake. There is no wind and so you begin to huff and puff, blowing the sails with all your might to try move the boat. Eventually, exhausted, you give up.

The wise person trusts the process and accepts what they can’t change. Eventually a gust of wind will come along and move you along to your final destination. Life is similar, there are ups and downs, highs and lows and at times we have to accept where we are and stop resisting. You save a lot of emotional and physical energy that way. Keep perspective and see the bigger picture.

Mandy X

 

Photo by Eddi van W.

Control, Resistance and Acceptance

 

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Control, Resistance and Acceptance

Peace of mind and contentment doesn’t come from control. We all fool ourselves by thinking that if we can control our worlds and environments we will be happier. This is a myth. Firstly, there is no such thing as 100% control.The very nature of life on earth is uncertain. Trying to obtain control is wasted energy and although it helps us temporarily to feel safer (and soothes our minds), the reality is that we are no more safe with or without seeking ultimate control.

I have observed people spending inordinate amounts of time trying to control people and things in their lives. They avoid uncertainty and resist whatever threatens them in life. Be that new experiences or events that they fear such as a new relationship or making important and necessary changes in their lives. Resisting ‘what is’ is similar to being stuck in a yacht on a lake with no wind and trying to blow at the sales with your own breath. It won’t get you very far and will leave you exhausted.

If instead, you accept that at the present moment you’re in a spot of trouble but that if you relax and give it some time, things may very well correct themselves naturally, sending a gust of wind to help you out. Accepting a situation and ‘sitting with it’ for a while can often bring you the clarity you lack when you are trying to control outcomes that are actually beyond your control.

When we hit a snag in life, we immediately go into control mode, instead of waiting and  being patient that little bit longer. Try it. Not everything needs to be controlled. Trust in the natural order of life at times and let this guide you as to how to move forward.

Mandy X

 

Why we all need to let go

 

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Why we all need to let go

There are so many opportunities in life to get all churned up about negative things that happen to us. The incident may be over but we relive the event in our mind over and over. A certain amount of thought is normal and natural but when we cling to something obsessively it begins to hurt us and possibly even cause psychological damage. Learn to let go.

We all need to learn to let go and acknowledge that we can’t control others nor some inevitable experiences that we don’t wish to have. All we can control is who we decide to let into our lives and how we react to others. No matter how wonderful, gorgeous or rich we are – we still cannot stop others from making hurtful remarks, from triggering our insecurities or from rejecting us – leading to us feeling unworthy or unloved. So, it pays to learn to let go of the things we cannot control.

How to let go

Acceptance is key. Some times bad things happen. It may have less to do with you than you think so try not to personalise other people’s behaviour. Sometimes, it’s all to do with the other person’s shortcomings and has nothing to do with you. Let go.

A good sense of humour is also essential in helping you to let go. Don’t take life too seriously. Learn to manage negative emotions and think about how you  might feel about things in a year from now.

Keep perspective. Good and bad is a part of life, sadness and happiness, ups and downs…learn to ride the waves and enjoy the highs, survive the lows. Don’t allow the ‘lows’ to turn you into an anxious, self loathing person. Let the lows help you appreciate the highs and also use the low points to teach you and strengthen you.

Realise it isn’t always about you – let go and don’t personalise. As I mentioned before – when life is tough or others treat us badlt, many of us (especially women) internalise this negative emotion and blame ourselves or see it as proof that we are unloveable, unworthy,…………….fill in the blank space!

Focus on empowerment – what you can do to improve the situation without the cooperation of other person (or outside influence, things beyond our control) where possible. Go out, make new friends, take up a hobby, spend less time with toxic people. Learn to let go and take life less seriously.

Mandy X

 

let go

10 Things to let go of before the New Year

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10 Things to let go of before the New Year

What worries have you been hanging on to? Have you been letting crazy negative thoughts, schemes and unnecessary worries plague you and take the joy away from daily life?Part of life involves letting go of things that are no longer working for you. This can be a scary time but working through the scary unknown part is worth it if it allows you to live a more fulfilling freer life at the end of it.

Stop trying to be the person you think you should be and start honouring the true wishes you have about who you want to become. Love yourself enough to remove the negative aspects that you are able to change.

I’ve given thought to my own unnecessary baggage and this inspired me to come up with the list below. They’re a great reminder to keep us on track and help us to focus on where we want to be.

1) Let go of the self hatred. We can all find things to reject about ourselves but ask yourself how this works for you. It doesn’t. It’ll fill you with negative self talk and you cannot live a positive life whilst you marinate in negativity about yourself. You are more than the shape of your body or the number on the scale. See the whole package and focus on your strengths. Less of the negative self talk.

2) Let go of conformity. You are unique for a reason, accentuate your differences – be proud to be different. The more different and quirky the better in my view.

3) Let go of perfectionism. Those who succeed believe they will find a way and learn as they go. They don’t expect life to go smoothly or perfectly but they see the imperfections as brilliant opportunities to learn and grow.

4) Let go of the “busy myth”. It’s okay to sit around and watch the world go by, in fact, I’d say it’s vital! Being busy doesn’t equate to being happier or achieving more. Quality over quantity every time. Choose carefully what you want to be busy with.

5) Let go of whatever you can’t change, like the past or other people. Empower yourself by focusing on what is within your power and take action on that.

6) Let go of thinking you are lacking in some way or that you are not where you should be. It’s much more effective to believe that you are living the life you are right now because it is meant to be. Things can change, wanting to improve is healthy but thinking that there is something lacking will leave you feeling like you’re constantly playing catch up. Stop chasing and start planning.

7) Let go of comparing your life to others. We all have ups and downs and life is not a race. Focus on what makes you happy rather than what makes others happy and thinking you’re missing out. The only comparing going on should be where you’ve been and how far you’ve come.

8) Let go of fear. Fear limits you and stops you from finding or seeing opportunities. Do a risk assessment of course, but take action. Don’t allow “analysis-paralysis” to win.

9) Let go of blame. Yes, parents, other people, exes, your ill health etc may have set you back but look at the possibilities of what you can do and can change. Blame is a psychological way of telling ourselves we are victims. Choose to never see yourself as a victim.

10) Let go of your comfort zone. See life as an adventure, a zone to explore, grow and learn. You do yourself a disservice when you live life in a constant place of safety. Test your limits and keep a sense of humour…

 

Mandy X

 

 

 

Photo by symphony of love