Tag Archives: let it go

Learn to let it go

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Learn to let it go

 

Life is a conundrum…even if you live by clear rules and try to do the right thing, that does not guarantee that anyone else will. During our lives we will all come across people who do not practise what they preach, who are dishonest, those that enjoy watching others fail and the general “down and dirty” types.
So, now that we have established that no matter who you are, you cannot escape encountering the ‘mean and nasties’ out there, let’s consider ways to lessen their impact:

1) One nugget of comfort is to remember that those people who project nastiness and anger onto others are usually very unhappy, miserable people in themselves. When they project negative emotions on to you, they are giving you a taster of what they feel inside. Draw some comfort from the fact that these people suffer with those feelings constantly – unless or until they learnt to manage their emotions more effectively and not take it out on others. Happy, content people do not feel the need to project negativity and misery onto others.
2) Try to limit your time with bitter, twisted people. Be sure to train yourself to identify those people in your life that drain you and manage your time with them well. Some people (I call them “emotional vampires”) will drain you rapidly, limit time with them.
3) Seek out those that boost your positive energy levels, inspire you and bring out the best in you! Fill up your positive reservoirs, this gives you the energy to tackle life.
4) Gratitude – tune into what IS good in your life. It can be so easy to get bogged down by what isn’t working but this thinking is not at all helpful. Instead focus on all the things are working for you, however small.
5) Don’t allow those that have upset you to continue to have ‘power’ over you by continuing to let them stay in your thoughts and upset you, long after the event. Distract yourself, go do something but above all – remember that whilst they are in your thoughts, upsetting you…the real person is off doing something else, in all likelihood not at all bothered by you. Don’t let them WIN. Don’t think about them..emotions lessen over time.
6) Focus on what you can control.. empower yourself and watch your thinking. Try not to put yourself down or allow your inner insecurities or fears to get the better of you. take action, minimise the worry – they are just THOUGHTS, not FACT
LET IT GO…..

Mandy X

Photo by Lucy Maude Ellis

Trust the process

 

trust photo

Trust the process

There are times in life when you just have to trust the process. There is a lot to be said for learning to let go of things you cannot control. Often, we resist ‘what is’ and exhaust ourselves in the process. Instead, the wise person sees the bigger picture and knows when to let go of the reins and see where the path takes him/her.

Example: “I will make that person care/love me”. We go out of our way to be someone we are not and fret over every small thing, fearful of rejection. We can be desperate to be loved and accepted and waste far too much energy on trying to make another behave/feel in a certain way. Actually – even without huge amounts of posturing, if there is a good connection, the relationship will probably chug along quite nicely. Learn to relax and trust the process.

It’s like being on a small sail boat on a lake. There is no wind and so you begin to huff and puff, blowing the sails with all your might to try move the boat. Eventually, exhausted, you give up.

The wise person trusts the process and accepts what they can’t change. Eventually a gust of wind will come along and move you along to your final destination. Life is similar, there are ups and downs, highs and lows and at times we have to accept where we are and stop resisting. You save a lot of emotional and physical energy that way. Keep perspective and see the bigger picture.

Mandy X

 

Photo by Eddi van W.

let go

10 Things to let go of before the New Year

let go photo

10 Things to let go of before the New Year

What worries have you been hanging on to? Have you been letting crazy negative thoughts, schemes and unnecessary worries plague you and take the joy away from daily life?Part of life involves letting go of things that are no longer working for you. This can be a scary time but working through the scary unknown part is worth it if it allows you to live a more fulfilling freer life at the end of it.

Stop trying to be the person you think you should be and start honouring the true wishes you have about who you want to become. Love yourself enough to remove the negative aspects that you are able to change.

I’ve given thought to my own unnecessary baggage and this inspired me to come up with the list below. They’re a great reminder to keep us on track and help us to focus on where we want to be.

1) Let go of the self hatred. We can all find things to reject about ourselves but ask yourself how this works for you. It doesn’t. It’ll fill you with negative self talk and you cannot live a positive life whilst you marinate in negativity about yourself. You are more than the shape of your body or the number on the scale. See the whole package and focus on your strengths. Less of the negative self talk.

2) Let go of conformity. You are unique for a reason, accentuate your differences – be proud to be different. The more different and quirky the better in my view.

3) Let go of perfectionism. Those who succeed believe they will find a way and learn as they go. They don’t expect life to go smoothly or perfectly but they see the imperfections as brilliant opportunities to learn and grow.

4) Let go of the “busy myth”. It’s okay to sit around and watch the world go by, in fact, I’d say it’s vital! Being busy doesn’t equate to being happier or achieving more. Quality over quantity every time. Choose carefully what you want to be busy with.

5) Let go of whatever you can’t change, like the past or other people. Empower yourself by focusing on what is within your power and take action on that.

6) Let go of thinking you are lacking in some way or that you are not where you should be. It’s much more effective to believe that you are living the life you are right now because it is meant to be. Things can change, wanting to improve is healthy but thinking that there is something lacking will leave you feeling like you’re constantly playing catch up. Stop chasing and start planning.

7) Let go of comparing your life to others. We all have ups and downs and life is not a race. Focus on what makes you happy rather than what makes others happy and thinking you’re missing out. The only comparing going on should be where you’ve been and how far you’ve come.

8) Let go of fear. Fear limits you and stops you from finding or seeing opportunities. Do a risk assessment of course, but take action. Don’t allow “analysis-paralysis” to win.

9) Let go of blame. Yes, parents, other people, exes, your ill health etc may have set you back but look at the possibilities of what you can do and can change. Blame is a psychological way of telling ourselves we are victims. Choose to never see yourself as a victim.

10) Let go of your comfort zone. See life as an adventure, a zone to explore, grow and learn. You do yourself a disservice when you live life in a constant place of safety. Test your limits and keep a sense of humour…

 

Mandy X

 

 

 

Photo by symphony of love

Let It Go

10 of 365 - Let Go

10 of 365 – Let Go (Photo credit: admitchell08)

 

Let it go

Life is experienced differently for each and everyone of us. We all have “filters” that colour the way we see the world. These filters are created throughout our lives. They are moulded by our upbringing, our past experiences and our genetics to a lesser degree. For example:

A neutral event occurs: Two people are sitting in a room and a dog walks in.

One person could be really excited to see the dog while the other person could be frightened. It’s the same event but 2 different reactions. This can be explained by the two people’s different filters. One person may have grown up with dogs and feel very safe around them whilst the other may have had a bad experience with the dog.

A lot of the events in life are neutral and can be perceived in many different ways by different people depending on their filters. psychological research has identified some common filters that people possess. A fewer examples of these are:

Mistrust/Abuse

Abandonment

Unrelenting standards

Defectiveness/Shame

Emotional deprivation

Self sacrifice

The above are just a few examples of common filters that influence how we perceive the world around us. Someone with an “abandonment” filter may be hypersensitive to the behaviours of a partner in a romantic relationship. If they experienced abandonment in their childhood, they may be looking out for signs that they will once again be abandoned. As a result their behaviour would be different when confronted with a neutral event such as a partner not returning their calls immediately compared with a person who has a “self sacrifice” filter. Someone with a self sacrifice filter would more likely be worrying about their partner and want to offer them their spare phone in case their partner’s phone has been stolen or lost. When we do not possess the filter that triggers our emotions we are more likely to let it go, move on from the upsetting situation.

As you can see from the examples above, certain events in life trigger different filters within us.  What filters do you possess? Think about past experiences that have caused you distress. Try to see whether there is a common pattern. Are there certain “triggers” in life that set you off? Be aware of how your thinking maybe distorting reality. Take the emotion out of the equation and try to see the underlying neutral situation. When you become aware of your emotional filters it becomes easier to deal with life in a calm manner.

Understanding our personal filters takes a little practice. It is worth the effort and encourages rational thinking in the face of chaos. When something regularly upsets you, it is vital to learn how to let it go.

Mandy X

 

 

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