If you don’t like and love yourself, you’ll find that others like you less too. It’s an energy thing – we pick up on each other’s vibes and can usually tell how comfortable someone is on their own skin. The more at ease someone is with themselves, the more likeable and charismatic they tend to be. You need to be your number one fan and the way I see it, we don’t have much choice in the matter. Either you find a way to like the ‘you’ you have been given to live with or you don’t. Which one do you think is going to lead to a happier life? Why waste energy not liking yourself?
So, make a choice to get comfy with who you are. Sure we can all improve upon ourselves but work on self acceptance in the meantime. Like who you are and what you see when you look in the mirror.
Live according to your values, only speak positively to yourself and make the most of what you have rather than comparing yourself unfavourably to others. If you can do those three things you will be on the way to living out your full potential. It makes sense to try to be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be and to treat yourself well. Self compassion is underrated. Those that are at peace with themselves tend to emit positive happy energy to others. They don’t keep score and their inner contentment leaves them with no need to project bitterness and hate onto others.
Learn to be your number one fan, you;ll be amazed at how this can transform your attitude and your life.
Let’s get this straight – when you ‘choose you’ you are not being selfish. In fact, you are doing the most natural thing in the world. Most of my clients find it very difficult to pamper and treat themselves. We are conditioned to put ourselves last and for many, thinking about themselves leaves them feeling guilty.
If you don’t look after yourself, how can you be functioning at your best? When we put others first constantly, we can end up run down and exhausted. When we are exhausted and not at our best how can we possibly be the best version of ourselves? We aren’t the best partner we could be nor are we the best possible parent, friend etc
When you put yourself as priority number one, in terms of your health and personal well being, you create a strong foundation from which to operate successfully. It’s common sense.
So make yourself a promise that from today you will schedule in ‘me time’ each week – at least 2-4 hours. Promise yourself too that you will make sure you do something that you enjoy regularly and set up some healthy goals to work towards – short term and long term.
Don’t be critical of yourself. Be kind to yourself and talk to yourself as you would to a dear friend.
2) Reward yourself
Allow yourself a treat now and then and make sure you reward yourself for positive behaviour.
3) Own your successes, no matter how small
It’s okay to congratulate yourself and to let others know that you are proud of yourself. Positive self regard is healthy.
4) Practise assertiveness
Don’t allow others to walk all over you – it will damage your self esteem. Aim for a ‘win-win’ situation where both parties needs are met. Aggressive behaviour asserts: my needs ahead of yours. Passive behaviour asserts: your needs ahead of mine. Assertiveness aims for a happy balance.
5) Accept responsibility
When we blame others for our misfortune we leave ourselves feeling powerless. Accepting that we are responsible for where we are in life and our attitude to life is empowering and puts us back in charge of our future.
6) Don’t compare
What a waste of energy it is to compare ourselves to others. We all have different priorities and different ideas about fulfilment. Comparing yourself to others is like comparing shopping baskets after a trip to the grocery store and feeling upset because they bought items you don’t have and vice versa. We have different needs and want different outcomes…enjoy the items in your basket!
Have you ever come across someone who isn’t particularly beautiful or handsome, or someone who is overweight, yet they seem completely at ease with themselves? They seem to be happy in their own skin and don’t look for the approval of others? They look as if they have arrived at a place where they accept and like themselves…this is where peace of mind and contentment begins.
I have spoken to many journalists and people working in the media who have told me that the most famous celebrities are often the nicest, most accommodating people – far more than the B list stars who are still trying to make a name for themselves. When there is a feeling of nothing to prove, you start to relax. There is no pressure to get others to like you. Believe it or not, this is completely possible without having to become an A List celebrity. When you have nothing to prove to others, you immediately put yourself on the path to fulfilling your true potential. You dilute all the wishes and influence of others and find your purpose in life quicker.
Ask yourself why you need the approval of others. What does that achieve? As long as you can get up every morning and like who you see in the mirror, you’re on the right track. For me, liking myself means being tolerant, non judgemental, not engaging in gossip or being two-faced and not doing harm to others.
When you feel that familiar pressure to please others, to show others your worth, always stop and check why you are doing it. Most likely it is due to a lack of self esteem that can only be fixed by YOU. Learn to get to know yourself, figure out your values and boundaries and live by them. When you like and accept yourself you will have nothing to prove.