Tag Archives: love yourself

Why self love is vital

self love photo

Why self love is vital

I know the ‘self love bandwagon’ has been through here many times before but it is such an important concept that I feel I need to keep banging on about it. I know why self love is vital and this is because I never used to like myself very much.

I grew up with parents who didn’t really see the merits in having children. I was a nuisance and a liability and I received many negative messages during my upbringing. Undoing messages from parents takes some time and I have spent hours in therapy re-programming my ‘unhealthy wiring’. I can honestly say that the more I have liked myself and acted in accordance with this newfound self respect, the more things have changed for the better in my life.

When you reduce the negative self talk and stop criticising yourself, amazing things start happening. It’s difficult to explain but I can assure you that when you treat yourself  in a kinder fashion, others do too.

I stopped the negative self talk and decided to try looking for things that I did like about myself. At first, it seemed odd and fake but I persisted with it. Self love is vital if you want to get the best out of yourself. When you think you are worthy, others tend to agree. No one is there asking to see your certificate of worthiness, they just accept you as you are.

We give off many signals through our body language and if our thinking is negative, our body language tends to match this. When you open up your body language, talk to yourself as you would to a best friend, your energy changes. This may sound like psycho-babble but if you try it you will see an immediate difference. When you act as if you are confident, you see an immediate difference. It may take a while for the brain to accept your new thinking but in the mean time act as if you are supremely confident and as if you really feel happy in your own skin.

Regularly remind yourself of all the good things about you – do you have a good sense of humour? Are you a good friend, parent, partner? Are you kind, tolerant? Build up that list of all that you like about you and be able to recite it easily and at will. I am always amazed at how so few of my clients can tell me what they like about themselves.

I ask them to give me 5 things they like about themselves. This is usually followed by an uncomfortable silence, some squirming and then perhaps one thing that they can think. Not good enough. Get into the habit of being able to say 5 things in quick succession. This shows a person who thinks of themselves in positive terms. Get into this habit!

I am always looking for ways to improve my positive regard towards myself and recently read a brilliant book that I highly recommend: Please see below

Mandy X

 


http://www.heartsintrueharmony.com/catalog/learningtoloveyourself.html

Photo by h.koppdelaney

Be your number one fan

fan photo

Be your number one fan

If you don’t like and love yourself, you’ll find that others like you less too. It’s an energy thing – we pick up on each other’s vibes and can usually tell how comfortable someone is on their own skin. The more at ease someone is with themselves, the more likeable and charismatic they tend to be. You need to be your number one fan and the way I see it, we don’t have much choice in the matter. Either you find a way to like the ‘you’ you have been given to live with or you don’t. Which one do you think is going to lead to a happier life? Why waste energy not liking yourself?

So, make a choice to get comfy with who you are. Sure we can all improve upon ourselves but work on self acceptance in the meantime. Like who you are and what you see when you look in the mirror.

Live according to your values, only speak positively to yourself and make the most of what you have rather than comparing yourself unfavourably to others. If you can do those three things you will be on the way to living out your full potential. It makes sense to try to be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be and to treat yourself well. Self compassion is underrated. Those that are at peace with themselves tend to emit positive happy energy to others. They don’t keep score and their inner contentment leaves them with no need to project bitterness and hate onto others.

Learn to be your number one fan, you;ll be amazed at how this can transform your attitude and your life.

Mandy X

 

7 Ways to improve your self esteem

 

improve self esteem

7 Ways to improve your self esteem

There are three parts to your self concept. Your self ideal – how you would like to be, your self-image, how you actually see yourself, think about yourself as you go about your activities and  your self esteem – how you feel about yourself. This is the emotional part of your self esteem. It is the key to happiness and personal effectiveness.

Your level of self esteem is determined by two factors: the first is how valuable and worthwhile you feel as a person (how much you like and accept yourself) and the second factor is your feeling of self-efficacy. This is how competent and able you feel you are in whatever you do. These two parts reinforce each other – when you feel good about yourself you perform better.

How you feel about yourself is largely determined by how you talk about yourself so it pays to talk to yourself in a positive manner. See yourself as competent and capable and as a likeable person. I even tell clients to repeat loudly “I love myself, I am wonderful”. They laugh and it feels awkward at first but it does work! Liking yourself is healthy.

Everything you believe about yourself today is learned – it is a perception, it isn’t fact. We come into the world without a self concept and we learn about ourselves by how others treat us and by life experiences.

The biggest hurdle in life to us all is fear. Fear robs us of happiness and opportunity. We try to stay safe in our comfort zone. The more you like yourself, the more likely you are to take actions that propel you out of your comfort zone.

  1. Visualise

Get in the habit of visualising positive outcomes, see it and feel it in your mind’s eye. Repeat these visualisations regularly. Immerse yourself in it, think about it often. Create a visualisation board – put together images of how you want your life to be and look at the images regularly.

2. Affirmations

Programme yourself by regularly repeating positive affirming statements such as “Everything is unfolding as it should.” or “I am safe and loved”. Write them on post-it notes and leave them around your home so that you ‘programme’ yourself regularly.

3. Verbalisation

Say the affirmations out loud. Hear the positive words. “I can do it”. Also, when you insist to others that you can or will do something it has a powerful impact on your thinking and behaviour.

4. Act the part

Walk, talk and act exactly as you would if you were already the person you’d want to be – more confident or more self assured. How would you sit and stand? Think about a celebrity or family member you admire and respect and copy their behaviour if it helps.

5. Feed your mind

Read books and magazines consistent with the direction you want to go in.

6. Associate with positive people

Seeking out inspiring people will help you to make the most of yourself and see things in a positive manner.  A very uplifting experience.

7. Teach others

You become what you teach. Forget what you were in the past, discard past labels, work towards living and being the person you want to be.

You will become what you think about most of the time.

Mandy X

Love yourself

 

happy woman photo

Love yourself – A contract with yourself

Not enough people really like themselves – that’s a fact. This world would be a better place if people liked themselves more. I believe we would have less hangups, get on with others more and the world would be a nicer place if we all respected and honoured ourselves more.

Here is a contract to make with yourself, a promise to love and cherish yourself and to do the best you can to reach your full potential:

I, ____________________ promise to love and cherish myself. I promise to treat myself with respect and be assertive with those that do not treat me well. I will make every effort to be true to myself and follow my own path instead of continuously pleasing others and putting my needs last. I need to look after myself first in order to be a ‘together’ person and/or a better partner and/or parent.

I will do my best to recognise and make the most of opportunities that come my way and will try to keep a good balance in my life between work and leisure.

I will remind myself regularly and repeatedly about my strengths and achievements and will talk to myself as if I was my own best friend. I deserve love and kindness and will do my best to treat others the same way.

 

Signed______________________________   Date__________________________________

 

You can add/delete any parts and make up your own contract with yourself. I have signed a contract with myself and keep it at the front of my diary. I read it every now and then when I realise I am going ‘off track’ and not putting myself first.

It’s a great reminder of my self worth!

Mandy X