Tag Archives: love

Relationships and commitment

 

romance photo

Relationships and commitment

There’s a myriad of reasons why relationships fail. Tears were shed on the proverbial couch today by Simone. She wants commitment, she wants marriage and her boyfriend doesn’t seem to want the same things. Time and time again I have witnessed this with my clients (and in my personal life). A woman likes to label the relationship, a man doesn’t. Relationships and commitment can always be a tricky area when expectations are mismatched.

In my opinion, if a man keeps coming around (this could apply to women too) then there should be no great need to define the relationship. Especially not for the first year anyhow. Once a woman tries to define the relationship and mentions the dreaded “C” word, the man invariably starts feeling trapped. He conjures up images of financial responsibility, of losing choice and this frightens him. I am referring to men here but this is becoming more common with women too.
If a woman leaves him to feel free, a man will be much happier to keep coming around. Then suddenly, it will gradually dawn on him that he enjoys being with his partner…he will grow fond of having her presence in his life and might perhaps even fall in love with her.
So, sit back, relax and see the bigger picture. As long as things seem to progressing in a good direction then all should be well in your world..
No one likes pressure and you’re more likely to get what you want by behaving in a laid back manner.
Trust me – it works

M x

Photo by DanGrebb

How to value yourself

 

loving photo

How to value yourself

If you don’t value yourself, no one else will. Teach others how to treat you by showing them that you respect and value yourself.

Maintain boundaries regarding acceptable behaviour from others

Be clear about what you will and won’t accept from others. I grew up witnessing domestic violence and that is one boundary that is crystal clear to me. If a partner ever hit me I would not stick around a minute longer. I have seen the pattern of violence and then the regrets, apologies and gifts as well as the promises that it will never happen again. And it does happen again. Make sure you know what is acceptable to you and value yourself by sticking to those principles.

Give yourself positive self regard

Self love is just as valid and valuable as love from others. Talk to yourself as you would a best friend. Use positive language and never criticise yourself. “I am useless” is not an option, try this instead, “I may not always feel good about myself but that does not mean I am worthless” or “I have been rejected but that is down to a lack of compatibility, not due to my value as a person”. You owe it to yourself to be your number one fan.

Embrace fear

Fear does not always mean there is danger. Often it is the perception of the threat that causes fear rather than the threat itself. If we fear rejection, we may avoid relationships but the threat never gets challenged and remains ever large and scary. Learn to approach what you fear and discover your capacity to cope. You will do much better than you think you will. We tend to overestimate threat and underestimate out ability to cope. Get out there, feel the fear and do it anyway.

Allow yourself to have fun and be selfish

We are conditioned to say “please” and “thanks you” and to please others and fit in, in society. When we do pamper ourselves, we automatically feel guilty. Give yourself permission to be selfish. Life isn’t all about pleasing others, it’s also about pleasing yourself.

Decide who you are – your definition

No one can make you inferior without your consent. Decide who you are and don’t allow others to define you. They will certainly try but you never ever have to accept another person’s version of you. Stick to the one you have created for yourself. This strong inner sense of self will help you get through life when others try to belittle you or make you feel unworthy.

Keep positive affirmations in your head to remind you of what you stand for. How do you see yourself? This is the most important image, not the one other’s try foist upon you. You are equal to others, no one is superior.

Value yourself, protect yourself and ensure that others treat you well. You deserve love and respect and you also deserve a good quality of life. Don’t give in to the pressure from others to be what they want you to be. Value yourself – this is your choice.

Mandy X

 

How you can make the world a better place

 

the world photo

How you can make the world a better place

How you can make the world a better place is simpler than you think. We can all feel like cogs in a large machine – relatively unimportant and powerless. We all matter though and we all make a difference in our own way. We leave our ‘footprint’ on the world even if we are only here for a short while.

Here are the top ways that you can help to make the world a better place:

Be kind

It doesn’t cost anything and it means you are sharing positive energy with others. Spread a little kindness.

Be tolerant

Try not to judge others. Instead, attempt to understand why someone is the way they are or why they do the things they do. When we practise tolerance, it means there is a level of understanding and acceptance that others don’t always behave the way would and that’s okay.

Be charitable

If you have the means, share a little with others. Small gestures matter as much as large ones. Spend time helping those less fortunate, every small gift can make a difference.

Smile

When we smile we feel happier. It puts us in a better mood and it spreads positive energy around the planet. Smile at problems. Smile at enemies. Spread love and good feelings. It will make you happier than holding on to negative feelings. Make a choice.

Believe in goodness

Hold on to the belief that there is good in the world. The more you see the world in this way, the more you will notice positive examples of human behaviour and kindness. Of course there is bad in the world, we can’t deny this but don’t make the leap to believing the whole world is awful and evil. Keep a balanced mind.

Intervene wherever possible

Don’t turn a blind eye to cruelty or injustice. Get involved…make things right wherever you can. Whether that’s reporting an animal abuser or a human abuser. There are enough good people in the world to make a positive difference.Don’t put your head in the sand…

Take responsibility

If we all took responsibility for our own behaviour rather than looking at others, we would improve the world. We can all do our bit to preserve the planet and be good to others. What we put out is our karma.

Mandy X