Tag Archives: positive thinking

How To Fight The Enemy That Lives Between Your Own Two Ears

 

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How To Fight The Enemy That Lives Between Your Own Two Ears

“Negative thinking will never produce positive results. Change your thinking and you’ll change your life.”

This quote probably says it all and it somehow relates to the law of attraction that what we think is what we attract. And what we attract is what we’ll get.

Life is too short for negativity. Just thinking about our worries is a waste of useful time. But, let’s face it, there are days when things don’t happen in our favor. People disappoint us, we question ourselves as a person, and we get insecure. This is when all the negativity starts to come in like an unstoppable flowing river.

But the good news is that we can control our negative thoughts. Darius Foroux, author of Win Your Inner Battles, explained in this infographic made with Visme exactly how we can fight the enemy (yes, negativity, that’s you!) and continue having a positive outlook in life!

Mandy X
This infographic was created using the Visme. An easy-to-use Infographic Maker.

 

Tell yourself every day

 

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Tell yourself every day

What you tell yourself has an enormous impact on your happiness and on the course of your life. Get into the habit of ‘feeding’ yourself a positive story. The more you hear it the more it sinks in and operates automatically in your daily life. I promise this is true as I have tried this and it worked for me. I used to be full of negative self talk and initially when I tried to talk to myself in a more positive way, it felt so fake and awkward. Tell yourself every day how unique and lovely you are

After a childhood filled with negative messages, that I wouldn’t amount to much and that I was just a useless liability, I had begun to believe all that nonsense and it seemed true. Actually, none of it was true – it came from an unhealthy parent who also had their own problems. I had taken on what they said and made it part of my identity. Therapy helped me to reject this ‘old programming’ and replace it with more balanced thoughts.

Tell yourself every day

I am a fantastic person, Unique in my ways with loads to offer others. I am great company, funny and clever. Who wouldn’t want to be around someone like me? I am kind and generous and deserve love and care. I won’t allow others to criticise and abuse me as I deserve much better than that. This is my life to live and although others can offer me advice, I do not have to feel pressure to do as they say. They do not live my life, I do. I have the right to make mistakes and change my mind. I have the right to express my emotions and opinions as I am just as important as everyone else.  I have the right to lead the best life possible, to find my own way and do things the way I want to. No one else can make me feel inferior without my consent.

The above paragraph is just an example – you can create your own one or use some of the sentences above – whatever works for you.

Just remember to tell yourself positive helpful things every day. When you build this positive foundation for yourself about how you see yourself, you will attract different dynamics into your life. Without realising it, our thinking alters the way we do things and our body language and this sends subtly different signals to others. Research has proven this to be true!

A positive mental diet is what I call it. Obviously negative thoughts will still come but pay no attention to them and be aware of the messages you are giving to yourself. Tell yourself every day how amazing you are.

It can make a HUGE difference and it has worked for me.

Mandy X

Healthy Thoughts

 

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Healthy thoughts

When you feel stressed or anxious – watch what you are thinking and read through this list of healthier thoughts – better ways to think. Your mood is directly dependent on what you think about yourself and the world:

 

  1. There is no law carved in stone that states “I MUST”. Stop putting pressure on yourself. You could but you don’t have to.
  2. It’s just a hassle, not a horror. Don’t catastrophise when bad stuff happens. Don’t blow things out of proportion.
  3. I am not worthless because I fail and make mistakes.
  4. If I don’t recover quickly, I can learn from my mistakes and eventually do better at recovering.
  5. One failure does not mean TOTAL failure, or that I will never succeed.
  6. Reality is reality, not what I think it must be.
  7. Being human means I will sometimes act imperfectly.
  8. It is okay to ask for help.
  9. It is okay to not know what to do.
  10. It is okay to not cope and feel weak at times.

When we use good thoughts, we feel better about ourselves and life. Be an organised’thought manager’ – learn to let go of thoughts that are unhelpful and focus more on the thoughts that serve you well.

Mandy X

change the way we think

Changing the way we think

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Changing the way we think

 

  • Changing the way we think

As thoughts play such an important role in our distressing emotions, it can be very effective to notice these thoughts, and learn to think differently, or to think about thoughts in a different way.  When you start to feel upset

 

SELF CONTROL – monitor thinking and stay in the moment

When thoughts are distressing you, try not to give them attention or assign emotion/interpretation to them. Dismiss them.

 

Questions to ask yourself when you feel distressed

STOPP!  Pause, take a breath, don’t react automatically

Ask yourself:

  • What am I reacting to?
  • What is it that’s really pushing my buttons here?
  • What is it that I think is going to happen here?
  • What’s the worst (and best) that could happen?  What’s most likely to happen?
  • Am I getting things out of proportion?
  • How important is this really?  How important will it be in 6 months time?
  • What harm has actually been done?
  • Am I expecting something from this person or situation that is unrealistic?
  • Am I overestimating the danger?
  • Am I underestimating my ability to cope?
  • Am I using that negative filter? Those gloomy specs?  Is there another way of looking at it?
  • What advice would I give to someone else in this situation?
  • Am I spending time ruminating about the past or worrying about the future?  What could I do right now that would help me feel better?
  • Am I putting more pressure on myself, setting up expectations of myself that are almost impossible?  What would be more realistic?
  • Am I mind-reading what others might be thinking?
  • Am I believing I can predict the future?
  • Is there another way of looking at this?
  • What advice would I give someone else in this situation?
  • Am I putting more pressure on myself?
  • Just because I feel bad, doesn’t mean things really are 
  • Am I jumping to conclusions about what this person meant?  Am I mis-reading between the lines?  Is it possible that they didn’t mean that?
  • Am I exaggerating the good aspects of others, and putting myself down?  Or am I exaggerating the negative and minimising the positives? How would someone else see it?  What’s the bigger picture?
  • Things aren’t either totally white or totally black – there are shades of grey.  Where is this on the spectrum?
  • This is just a reminder of the past.  That was then, and this is now.  Even though this memory makes me feelupset, it’s not actually happening again right now.
  • What do I want or need from this person or situation?  What do they want or need from me?  Is there a compromise?
  • What would be the consequences of responding the way I usually do?
  • Is there another way of dealing with this?  What would be the most helpful and effective action to take?  (for me, for the situation, for the other person)

Ways to make our thoughts less intrusive

  • Use metaphors try to see things differently.  Metaphors can help us understand thoughts in a different way.  For example:

Passengers on the Bus

  • You can be in the driving seat, whilst all passengers (thoughts) are noisily chattering, being critical or shouting out directions.  You can allow them to shout, but you can keep your attention focused on the road ahead.

 

 

Playground Bully

 

  • The playground is fenced in and the children have to learn to live with the bully.  This bully uses threats, mocking and abusive words to upset his victims.  We can’t stop our thoughts, but perhaps we can react to them in a different way, as these victims show us.
  • Victim 1 – believes the bully (the thoughts), becomes distressed, and reacts automatically.  The bully sees this as great entertainment and will carry on targeting this victim.  This is how we normally respond to our thoughts.
  • Victim 2 – challenges the bully, and bully eventually gives up on this victim.
  • Victim 3 – acknowledges then ignores the bully, changing focus of attention, and the bully soon gives up.

 

The River

  • Items floating down the river – perhaps leaves or bits of mucky debris (thoughts, feelings, images) – instead of struggling to stay afloat, we can stand on the bank watching our thoughts, images and sensations go by

 

The Beach Ball

  • We can try to stop our thoughts, like trying to hold a beach ball under water, but it keeps popping up in front of our face (intrusive distressing thoughts).  We can allow the ball (our thoughts) to float around us, not intruding, just letting it be.

 

Mandy X