Tag Archives: self actualisation

Fear of starting over

 

starting over photo

Fear of starting over

Dealing with change is stressful for most of us. Humans are creatures of habits and the unknown can be very unsettling. Unfortunately the moment we think about change, our thoughts turn negative and we tend to focus on all can go wrong. Our insecurities and self limiting beliefs start to run riot. Think about how differently you would approach life if you knew you couldn’t fail. Do you think you would be more adventurous? Life is a series of trials and tribulations and we are all here to complete and learn from certain life lessons.

It saddens me when I think about the numerous clients that I see whose stay stuck in unfulfilling and unhappy relationships. When they talk about starting over, they rarely see the positives of making changes. At times I can get through to them when I asked them what the disadvantages will be of staying in the current unhappy situation. But still the fear of loneliness seems greater than the pursuit of happiness.

Starting over does involve a leap of faith. It helps to have high self-esteem and a strong sense of inner resilience that you can deal with whatever comes your way. It’s also about knowing that you deserve a life full of opportunity and that achieving your true potential may never come about if you fear change too much.

Starting over is never as frightening as the anticipation of starting over is. I know this from personal experience. Looking back, life hasn’t gone quite according to plan that I know that in terms of personal development I have made huge strides. Had I not taken the leap of faith I am certain that I would still be fearful, lacking in confidence and less worldly wise. I want to be able to look back on my life and know that I gave myself the best chances to experience life as fully as possible. I had the same fears as many of my clients-will I find somebody else? Will I regret my decision? Will anybody love me with a child in tow and health complications (cystic fibrosis)? Isn’t it easier just stay with what I know?

The more you see yourself as an independent person experiencing life in various stages without becoming too attached to any one thing specifically, the more you are likely to learn from the world around you and grow as a person. The brave, shake it up a little and have faith in your ability to deal with whatever comes your way.

Mandy X

 

Photo by mitramirae

Are you powerful?

 

exhuberance photo

Are you powerful?

If you want to be powerful in life it is important to have established a good foundation of self worth. If you do not have self belief and fully back yourself you will hold back on achieving your true potential and taking up opportunities to grow and develop. Allowing yourself to be powerful is a challenge. True power is internal. It is deep within you. Like everyone else you came into this world with your own specific talents. How you use these talents is how you use your power.  They find a talent and they make the most of it. They don’t keep it hidden from others. Are you being the best possible version of yourself? Are you selling yourself short?

Think about this question: what would changing your life be like if you were 40% more powerful? Make a note of five differences that you would notice. When you decide that you are here for a reason and that you have a purpose it becomes easier to bring out your potential and to contribute to life. As the poet Rumi once said, “Everyone has been called for some particular work, and the desire for that work has been put in their heart”.

Answer these questions with 10 words or a short statement for each:

1) what do you want most out of life?

2) what do you want to see in the world?

3) what makes you special?

4) things I can do/am capable of doing right now

now write the statement as follows: I will… (Choose one answer from 4), using my… (Answer from 3), to finish… (Answer from 2), and in doing so achieve… (Answer from one).

This is a clever way to reveal what really matters to you. Use this little exercise to help you focus on your purpose in life. The more aligned to our highest desires, the more power you will pull through yourself and express.

Ways to feel more powerful

Make a list of all the ways in which you feel proud of yourself. Jot down three things that come to mind immediately. This list tells you how brilliant you are already, how complex, how clever and how brilliant. Unless you appreciate your worth and value in this way, you can’t use it or make it work for you. Losing sight of yourself is easily done in a busy schedule and the key to more power is appreciating your value. Make this list as compelling as you can so that when you look at it you can’t help but feel immensely proud of who you are. This isn’t about narcissism, it’s a way of looking at yourself that gives you access to your own power base. Remind yourself regularly that you are fabulous.

Try not to be a drama queen. It’s undignified. Arguing, sulking, battling is drama and it’s exhausting. Think about keeping energy in reserve for those occasions when it’s worth making a stand or taking up a position. Make your point with grace and charm. People don’t mind being won over-it’s being defeated that they object to. At times the powerful thing to do is to walk away. Moving on is another powerful tactic. Resist being desperate about anything. Now that you can live without this thing, person or whatever. You are more powerful than you think.

Do you see yourself as important? You decide. Act as if you are. Forget about other people taking away your power- that’s an absurd idea. People can only have power if you give it to them so watch yourself in everyday situations. Why hang around with someone who is popular but no fun at all? What you are effectively doing is pumping them full of their own self-importance and ignoring your own power so don’t buy into this trendy and ‘happening’ stuff. It can be a hollow experience. Have standards.

Never put yourself down or criticise yourself especially in front of others. Believe in being powerful and act in a powerful way. Sometimes the only person getting in the way is you.

Sometimes we find ourselves asking “Who  am I to think that I am brilliant, fabulous and powerful?” Actually, who are you not to be? When you play small you do not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people around you won’t feel insecure. We are all meant to shine and there is enough success for everyone. Just because one person has something does not mean that there is a limited supply and therefore less available for you and others. When we claim our power we unconsciously give other people permission to claim theirs.

Mandy X

Photo by n.hewson

believe it's possible

Believe it’s possible

 

self belief photo

Believe it’s possible

Are you living the best life possible for you? If not, why not? Many of us have limited horizons and self limiting beliefs that keep us from reaching our full potential.What have you decided is impossible in your life? How resigned are you to just putting up with life as you know it?

In order to make changes you must believe that many things are possible for you. Believe that you can change your job, your home, your relationship, your health..your stress levels. Begin by allowing yourself to believe that what you want is possible, reachable and that you deserve it.

Clear out what no longer works for you in life – clutter, toxic people, old habits that no longer work for you and most importantly, old self limiting beliefs: the mental chains that stop us from progressing. Be ruthless with your de-cluttering.

Ask yourself what you are no longer willing to tolerate. What have you put up with for far too long? Where have you been too passive in life? It’s time to take your control back. Set clear goals. You need to know your direction before you can set off. It helps to have a clear vision in life of what you want and where you want to be.

Be enthused and passionate about what might be possible for you. Visualise it happening – imagine how you will act, look, behave…make it real in your mind.

TAKE ACTION.Review your goals regularly – don’ be afraid but be flexible and ready to adapt as you go. Your ultimate goal in happiness. Do not come to the end of your life to find that you have not lived. Fortunes smiles on the brave. Be one of the few that take action and give life a go.

Make that call, join the gym, start investigating possibilities, refuse to give up. Take action and make it happen..one small step at a time if you have to.

Mandy X

Photo by Celestine Chua

self belief

Improve your self belief

self belief photo

Improve your self belief

“Whether you think you can we think you can’t, you’re probably right”-Henry Ford

How much do you back yourself? 0-100% ___________________

If not 100%, why not? If you don’t support and like yourself 100%, who will?

Ask yourself what this lack of self belief has cost you_______________________________________________

 

What difference would it make to your life if you double your self belief?

Visualise how you would act, appear, with double the self belief/confidence.

10 strengths you possess:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Achievements you’re proud of:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Self belief can mean the difference between success and failure. When we have self belief we communicate it to others whether we realise it or not. Those that believe in themselves tend to see failure as a temporary setback, they are willing to try new things and their self belief keeps them determined. Self belief can take you that extra bit further and that extra bit may be all that you need to finally succeed.

Have faith in your abilities and your ideas. Other people do not necessarily know better than you. There will always be people who tell you things cannot be done or who are sceptical and pessimistic. Tune those influences out and learn to tap into your inner resources.

Mandy X

 

Photo by symphony of love

Photo by symphony of love

goals

Goals

self acceptance photo

This post has been written by a guest blogger – Bobby Foster. Thanks Bobby for an insightful message :)  Mandy X

Why You May Not Be Ready To Complete Your Goals

I had a very off-putting experience a few months ago. Over the summer, while school was out (whoo!), I had a lot of free time—too much free time, actually. I got bored of video games rather quickly, so I decided to try and be the most productive person that I could be.

I set goals for myself. I made things like weight loss goals, goals for my writing, goals that pushed me out of my comfort zone—like lifting weights at the gym, and goals that would make me healthier.

I was so pumped to get started on completing these goals. I actually got into a routine (which is unheard of for me) and was on the way to reaching most of my goals by the end of the summer. I was so happy that I was actually being productive.

Then something happened…

One goal that I picked up half way through the summer, and only had about a month to prepare for, was a poetry competition. I went to an open mic and they announced that they would be hosting it, and since I was on a roll that summer, I thought, why not?

Long story short, I ended up getting 2nd place, and I had thought I wasn’t even going to place! It was an amazing night, and I was really happy, for about a day. My happiness faded rather quickly, and I actually spiralled into a bit of a depression after that. I noticed that after I completed all of my goals, they would only satisfy me for a day or two before I had to set more goals. It was an endless cycle, which was bringing me no happiness.

But why?

I’ve been told my entire life that if I was productive and sought out my dreams and started to complete some milestones to reach them, it would make me the happiest person ever. I’d walk down the street with a smile plastered on my face, I’d be skipping even if it started to rain. I’d have all the confidence in the world. I would be able to talk to any girl that I wanted to, and they’d immediately interact with me, and every day would be amazing!

So what was I doing wrong? Why was I completing goals and feeling terrible afterwards?

I picked up a book that I read through every now and then when I’m feeling down, and I realized I was doing some things wrong when it came to goals.

Here’s what this experience taught me.

Working Towards Your Dreams is Important, but Not All There Is

You may think that your life is going to be defined by what you accomplish in this life—how successful you become, how much money you have, how many accolades are by your name. We are raised this way. We are told that our worth is based on how much we contribute to society.

Don’t get me wrong, contributing to the world is amazing, and it should be part of your life’s goals to affect the world in a positive way. However, it’s more important to make sure YOUR world is in order first.

Make sure that your inner self is strong, make sure that you take care of your personal matters, such as your health and your family. These things should always come first when it comes to completing goals and reaching your dreams.

I Wasn’t Enjoying The Journey

I was shooting for the stars without stopping to look at what was around me. My head was so focused on getting to that one star, that I didn’t notice all the other beautiful stars in the background, I didn’t notice the vastness of space and all the great things the universe has to offer me.

When you set goals, it’s not all about just reaching that point. It’s about how you get there. For example, say you had a goal to lose 10 pounds. There’s plenty of ways to lose weight, but which would be a better journey? You eating healthy and exercising to lose the weight? Or you starving yourself and finding unhealthy ways to drop the pounds?

The process is just as important as the end goal. We are so quick to want the satisfaction of completing something, that we ignore the journeys we take to get there, especially when it’s a long-term goal.

Learn From My Mistakes

Don’t be like me. Don’t set all these goals just to reach them and feel upset a few days later. Goals are not everything in life. Life is complex, and every one of us is different. Experiment and figure out what works for you. If you’re entirely goal driven, then hey, maybe this post isn’t for you, but I don’t want people to go through this same phase that I had.

Just remember, get yourself right first, and enjoy the journey, so that your goals will mean something to you later.

More on Bobby Foster:  Bobby Foster’s website

Twitter account: @_BobbyFoster

Photo by symphony of love

miracles

Surrender

miracles photo

Surrender who you think you are to become who you are meant to be

I came across this text below whilst reading up on the boy, Ram known as the “Buddha Boy”. A very interesting take on being true to ourselves and being centered.

“Surrender not in the sense about invalidating who you are, rather just the opposite. We are talking about total validation of who you are, what you are, and what you were created to be. Surrender, in a sense of stopping the cessation of trying to be who you think you need to be and the start of simply allowing yourself to be who you are, to surrender and give up the personality game that you have been taught for many years to think that you were supposed to play. And in letting that go, in giving it up, in surrendering it, then actually allowing yourself to be what you were created to be, which is in the image of the Infinite. Which means you are created to be unlimited possibilities and, thus, then when you surrender the limiting personality mask that prevents you from seeing that you are Infinite being, that you are unlimited possibilities.

When you give that up, you are then allowing the universe, which is a mirror, to reflect, not just the limited personality that you think you are supposed to be, but instead to reflect the unlimited possibilities that you actually are and to allow your life, as we said before, to become an infinite series of miraculous circumstances because that is what you are, miracles of Creation.

Remember, you are Creation itself, you are the act of creation, you are the event of creation itself. So to surrender to life, to surrender to Creation, to surrender to the Infinite, no matter by what name you wish to call it, it doesn’t matter, by so doing, you are surrendering to your true nature and allowing your reality automatically to show you the miracle of creation that you are. And, thus, then, your reality can represent the miracle that you are by a continuous series of synchronicities that always support you, that benefit you, allow you to experience expanded creativity and abundance.

When we talk about the idea of surrendering, we are talking about one of the most profound acts of love, self-love, creation that you can do. And in so, finally, just letting go, just stopping all the trying, all the struggling, all the striving of what you think you are supposed to do, in order to, “Have what you think you are supposed to have.” When you give all that up, when you finally just get so tired of trying to be who you think you are supposed to be and give up because you just get so tired of trying to push this that way, pull this this way, and make things fit, and make things fall into place, and make things work, when you finally get so tired of doing all that pushing and pulling, when you finally give it all up and let go, then, then the miracles happen, then you can experience life for what it is, unlimited possibilities. So, remember when you surrender your personality, when you let go and you give it up, you are surrendering to life, to the Infinite, and to your true self. You are not losing anything nor giving your power away. You are once and for all, finally, allowing yourself to actually be who you are, your natural self, your true self.” ― Bashar

 

Mandy X

Webpage: http://bensmatrix.info/2013/07/10/ram-bahadur-bomjan-buddha-boy-is-now-a-man-yet-still-a-marvel/

Photo by AlicePopkorn

inner wisdom

How To Stop Ignoring Your Inner Wisdom

inner wisdom photo

 

How To Stop Ignoring Your Inner Wisdom

“There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.” ~ Rumi

 

Your inner wisdom is there, trust me on this. The problem is that we have been conditioned to seek answers outside of ourselves. We ask others and we doubt ourselves when others disagree with us. Thing is – no one else has as much information, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, than you do. Of course, sometimes it pays to get an outside opinion, especially when strong emotions could our judgement but it should never become your staple diet of relied-upon-wisdom.

It would be easy to follow our inner wisdom if there was one inner message being sung to us. Unfortunately, we have self doubt and we have our lower functioning brain – sometimes referred to as our chimp brain or lizard brain. The “reptilian” brain, or the brain stem regions (the medulla & cerebellum) are the most primitive. They control  heart beat, digestion, respiration and body senses. This is why brain stem injuries can lead to such devastating physical handicaps while the person is still able to think clearly. This part of the brain works on a basic level in order to keep us safe but it is unable to read between the lines. Our primitive brain keeps us fearful and bombards us with questions such as:

“I can’t leave this relationship because I might never find someone else”

“I can’t start my own business because I might end up destitute and homeless”

“I can’t try that because it is unfamiliar, and anyway, what would everyone else say?”

It is crucial to move forward despite message from our primitive brain in order to self actualise and achieve the most out of our talents and skills and our life.

Our inner wisdom is connected to a greater wisdom that exists everywhere. We just need to tune into it and learn to cut through the noise of our primitive brain and the polluted opinions of others. By polluted, I mean that they too can operate from a place of fear where there inner wisdom has been buried under societal conditioning and the need to ‘go with the flow’ for an ‘easier’ life.

Learn to manage the primitive brain in order to surpass it’s limitations and reveal your true potential.

To stop ignoring your inner wisdom means taking the time to know what makes you happy. To limit things in your life that make you miserable and to actively change what detracts from you and your positive essential nature.

Honour that inner voice that nudges you when things aren’t right. Overrule the primitive brain and minimise fear that stops you from living your best life possible.

Mandy X

 

Photo by AlicePopkorn

self love

Amazing You

self love photo

Amazing You

I come across so many people who don’t like themselves. They self sabotage, criticise themselves and put up with bad behaviour from others. When we allow others to treat us unfairly on a regular basis, we are basically giving ourselves a message that we are not worthy of love and respect and that perhaps we deserve the bad treatment. The more we allow others to treat us badly, the more entrenched the patterns become and the harder it can be to see the situation in a balanced way. Emotions skew our decision making process. When we love ourselves, we are less likely to put up with abuse from others and we trust ourselves and our instincts.

If we grew up in a dysfunctional home, what we observed can cause us to have irrational views about romantic relationships. We might believe that shouting is okay and perhaps that even physical violence is sanctioned too. We ignore our inner wisdom that send us alarm signals and this can lead us down the slippery slope of self degradation. Our true potential is squeezed out of us and we become a shell of our former selves. The process is slow but deliberate and when we get to ‘shell stage’ we become less capable of helping ourselves.

Think about what you were like before – think about all the fantastic things you have achieved in your life. When you really think about it, you will realise that there are many positive characteristics to appreciate. We are all on this planet for a reason, we are here to learn lessons and going through hardship can teach us to be more philosophical about life. I like to believe that life unfolds as it does for each of us for a reason. Self transformation speeds up when we are experiencing tough times.

Ways to love yourself and activate your true potential:

1) Never criticise yourself.

It’s okay to acknowledge that you’ve made mistakes but there are ways to deal with your failings in a way that preserves your self esteem. Don’t call yourself “stupid” or “useless”. Instead say something like, “I messed up there but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid. We all make mistakes”.

2) Treat yourself as you would a dear friend.

We tend to be kind to others and harsh on ourselves. Ask yourself how this helps you to chastise yourself. It really doesn’t. Imagine what you would say, and how you would encourage, a dear friend in the same situation and treat yourself the same way.

3) Overcome fear.

Fear will always exist, it is there lurking…waiting to pounce and keep you ‘small’ and ‘under developed’. Acknowledge that fear will often be there but that it needn’t stop you from trying.

4) See failure as your friend.

Failure doesn’t automatically mean you are a failure. In fact, successful people have often failed more than unsuccessful people. This is due to the fact that they get up and try again. See failure as a sign that you are continuing to try- that’s winning in my book.

5) See the funny side.

Never take yourself and others too seriously. See life as a fun adventure, there to be explored. When we get bogged down with the minutiae we can end up far too serious and this leads to a negatively-laced outlook. When you keep life as light hearted as possible we tend to gloss over the ‘sticky’ bits that would normally affect us and keep us stuck.

6) Celebrate your strengths and achievements.

Choose thinking that works for you. Why dwell on the negatives? Optimists tend to have ‘mental buffers’ that protect them from self criticism. When they succeed, they give themselves credit for it rather than putting it down to luck. The pat themselves on the back and reward themselves when life is going well.

7) Believe in yourself.

This isn’t always easy as the world is quick to strip you  of any self belief and replace it with self doubt. Comparisons, listening to other’s opinions too often and giving in to self doubt can leave you stuck in your comfort zone. Accept that your life trajectory is unique to you. Drown out the noise from others and focus on your inner wisdom. This doesn’t mean you will always get it right but it does allow you to honour your thoughts and ideas – giving them life instead of shutting them down.

 We all have times of self doubt, this is normal. It’s what we do with that self doubt. If we internalise it and begin labelling ourselves we will spiral downwards. If we acknowledge the self doubt but don’t allow it to define us nd carry on regardless…we tap in to our inner strength and wisdom. You can do it.

 

Mandy X

Photo by soundlessfall