Words successful people never say
We set ourselves up for failure or success in our minds before we even begin.What we tell ourselves can become a self fulfilling prophecy. More often than not, if we don’t believe that we can we probably can’t. Learning to prime yourself to be in the right frame of mind takes practice. It also takes self awareness and regular monitoring of our inner chatter. We all suffer from self-doubt from time to time-that’s normal. It is when the inner chatter is chronically negative and persistent that we limit our opportunities in life. I love the saying, “you can’t score a goal if you aren’t on the field”. If you engage in self-limiting beliefs, you will have removed yourself from the “field” before you have even considered stepping onto the field. What are you telling yourself that is limiting you? Here are some of the common lines that we tell ourselves:
1) “I can’t”
Why can’t you? Who said that you couldn’t? Sometimes we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform and achieve and when we feel that we aren’t up to the job we tell ourselves that we can’t do something. Each and every time we do this we send ourselves a message that disempowers us and makes us retreat even further into our comfort zone. Develop a can-do attitude. Fear being passive and not trying rather than trying and failing. Failure is a wonderful way to learn. It does not mean that there is something wrong with you.
2) “I should”
Replace “should” with “could”. There are so many demands placed upon us daily and we place a lot of pressure on ourselves to achieve, to be successful, to get things done. Yes, there will always be “should’s” in life but we can choose whether we allow what should be done to dictate how we lead our lives.” Could” offers us a choice. we really do have more choice than we realise. Don’t give in to pressure from others or from what others think. It is your life – live it.
3) “It’s all my fault”
When we blame ourselves for things, it shows personal responsibility.However this can be taken too far. Playing the victim of a martyr and blaming ourselves for everything is not productive and will result in a feeling of hopelessness and low self-esteem. There is very little in life they can be blamed solely on one thing. Usually it is a combination of factors that has caused an end result. Try not to personalise everything and feel guilt over everything. Excessive personalising in a negative way can be an indication of depression. If you find that you are consistently hard on yourself and the rate yourself on a regular basis it might be worth investigating a little further.
4) “It’s all your fault”
Blaming others for everything is not a good idea either. it is an antisocial practice and will lose you many friends. It pays to take personal responsibility for our own actions and to own up if we have played a part in a situation. It’s part of being an adult and it shows emotional maturity.
5) You are more important than I am
I come across many clients who score highly on the “self sacrifice” and “subjugation” scales. Many of them harbour a belief that they need to sacrifice for others in order to be liked and feel worthy.this is a misconception and generally leads to a lack of respect from others. Whilst it is great to be kind and thoughtful, is never a good idea to be a doormat. Remind yourself regularly that you are as important as anyone else and that your opinion matters equally.
6) My opinion doesn’t matter
Perhaps as a child you were instructed to be quiet and do as you’re told. children who are denied the right to an opinion or to express emotions for that matter, learn that they are insignificant. They internalise the repressive environment and become passive. If this was your experience, remind yourself that you are no longer that powerless child and that as an adult you have every right to have your voice heard. An opinion is just that, your view of the world. Express it to all who will listen.
7) My dreams/ wishes/ goals aren’t important
Successful people have healthy self regard. They tend to be assertive in their approach, which means they strive for a “win-win” outcome. It isn’t about having their needs met consistently over other people’s nor is it about the self-sacrifice or subjugation. Successful people believe in themselves, will not be treated badly by others consistently and stay focused on their goals. good people in your life will support you in reaching your goals, those that try to distract you will discourage you probably have their own insecurities. Success reminds the losers of their own failings. Successful people embrace the success of others as well as their own.
8) Staying safe is better than trying new things
Successful people know that in order to grow and learn all about the strengths and weaknesses they must keep trying new things. We all love to live in our comfort zone and sometimes it is necessary to stay there for a while but spending too long in your comfort zone will lead to a lack of confidence in your abilities. I like to call my time outside of my comfort zone as living vertically. When I’m in my comfort zone I am living horizontally. It’s all about balance-horizontal interspersed with vertical.
9) I don’t have a choice
This is an excuse I hear all too often. it’s an easy one to think of as it provides an escape route. It’s absolves us of needing to do anything about the situation.It may work in the short term but in the long term it will drag you down. We all have choices. It may turn out that we have two choose between two options that we don’t particularly like but we still have choices. Instead of seeing choices as scary, view them as empowering.
10) If I fail it means I am a failure
Successful people know the difference between the act of failing and seeing themselves as a failure. There is a huge difference. Let’s define failure first. What is failure to you? In my books, being a failure means giving up completely and not trying at all. Those people that try and fail and get up again have my full respect. Resilience is a wonderful character trait to have. Never see yourself as failure even if you do give up completely for a while. We all were allowed a little bit of downtime. Labelling yourself as a failure is not productive or effective in the least. Stop doing that.
11) Play it safe
Life is inherently risky. Taking calculated risks is part of life and we all need to embrace it. Resistance will just lead to anxiety and stress. I like to see life as an experiment, try new things, see what happens…
Successful people understand that taking risks is necessary. Stop being afraid.
12) I know all there is to know
Blind certainty is a sure sign of ignorance. No one can possibly know all there is to know. Successful people are open to new ideas, new ways of thinking and new information. Instead of having a pre-determined idea, successful people will listen to all sides of the argument before making their mind up. Keep an open mind as there is always more to discover.