Tag Archives: success

Things you don’t need for happiness

happy photo

 

Things you don’t need for happiness

Here are things you don’t need for happiness and they will help you to be more aware that life can be simpler and more fun than we realise. . I have found that many people spend inordinate amounts of time focusing on these things that are inane in the grand scheme of things:

To have everyone liking you

You will never be able to please everyone and have acceptance/validation from everyone. It’s a fact of life yet we spend time trying to please others unnecessarily. No one enjoys conflict but it is a waste to believe that you can get everyone to like you. We all want to be popular but that comes naturally when you are happy in yourself.

To have complete certainty

Life is inherently uncertain and the sooner we stop resisting this fact and make uncertainty our friend, the quicker we will experience peace of mind. We can learn to tolerate uncertainty by placing ourselves regularly in situations where the outcome is unknown. The more we do this the more we develop and grow our resilience. Regularly placing ourselves in unfamiliar situations gives us proof that we can cope with uncertainty. Get out of your comfort zone and face uncertainty with a positive attitude. There is nothing to fear. Constantly trying to control your world around will just lead to frustration and exhaustion.

To be in a relationship

Some relationships make us more unhappy than happy yet there is a common idea that being in a relationship is better than being single. The trick about life is that happiness comes from your attitude rather than your circumstances. Happiness is an inside job. It’s what we tell ourselves about a situation that makes us happy or sad. Get to know yourself well. Know your strengths and weaknesses and know what makes you happy and put that at the core of your life. Once you have that stable foundation within you, life becomes easier and the right people will come into your life. You don’t need another person first before happiness will emerge.

Consistent happiness

No one is happy 24/7. Happiness is experienced as a fleeting appreciation in the moment, and then it slips away to a lower level intensity.I was in Los Angeles two months ago and  had a fleeting sensation of pure happiness. I was sitting by the pool in the sun with my music playing with a hummingbird buzzing past me every few minutes. The combination of the sun. music and this cute tiny bird made me smile from ear to ear. I love those fleeting moments when life feels really good. Some people believe that they should feel this way all the time but it’s physically impossible for the human brain to operate at that level continuously.

Achievement

Taking time out can create just as much peace and happiness. We are conditioned to believe that we have to be achieving to be happy but I also know people who don’t achieve in the conventional sense who are incredibly content in their lives. The trick is to know yourself rather than comparing yourself with society in general. This can skew your values and true aspirations.

Value as a human being comes from being happy and joyful – you will give off far healthier vibes to the world than if you are a stressed out achiever, doing something that isn’t really for you but that you think you should be doing in order to be seen as a valuable human being. That’s nonsense.

Lots of money

Research has shown that after a certain amount, the level of happiness does not correlate to the amount of money earned. As long as we have enough to eat, live and connect with others, happiness tends to stay quite balanced. I think the approximate amount is around £49 000 per year. See here for more.

Happiness is achievable for everyone – mostly it relies upon your optimistic attitude. That is always a good start. Life is tough at times and being optimistic doesn’t mean you have to always see positives but you can at least reframe a bad incident into something more digestible on an emotional level. For example – instead of catastrophising and thinking the worst, it is possible to find a story to tell yourself that softens the blow.

Mandy X

 

 

Photo by Britt Selvitelle

Thoughts on failure

 

failed photo

Thoughts on failure

What are your thoughts on failure? Is it a lack of financial success? Is it owning a small house or being single? We all have different ideas about failure and the beliefs we cling to will determine how negatively failure impacts upon us.

Many of my clients blur the lines of failure. They blur the lines between failure being a verb and failure being a noun. I will often hear them say “I am a failure”. This is the number one rule about the concept of failure: Failure is a verb. A person isn’t a failure. Negative thoughts can create intense negative emotions, so spare yourself the grief by being aware of the nature of your thoughts. Never ever see yourself as a failure. Yes, perhaps something to tried to do didn’t work out but that certainly doesn’t equate to the ‘doer’ as a failure. Big difference!

In my books, life is a series of trial and error. We win some, we lose some. Failures show that we are alive and that we are trying. I see that as commendable. I view failure as giving up completely. If you are still trying and haven’t let life beat you down, you aren’t failing.

See failure as your friend. When you look at the process of failure as a a valuable lesson, you will no longer fear making mistakes and…well…failing.

Get living and get failing and see that as success!

 

Mandy X

 

The difference between achievement and success

 

success achievement

The difference between achievement and success

Have you ever taken a moment to think about these two terms – achievement and success? There is a difference between achievement and success and the danger comes about when we see the two concepts as one and the same.

I see many clients who are perfectionists and for them, constant achievement equals success. The immense pressure this places upon them creates anxiety and does lead to depression in some cases. This occurs  where clients fail to keep up their strenuous and unrealistic goals to achieve. Sadly, people too hung up and obsessed with achievement only see themselves as worthy and valuable when they are achieving – making money, closing business deals etc They completely miss the point when it comes to looking at their inner characteristics such as tolerance, kindness, being a good partner, father and so on…this gets lost in the obsessive need to achieve.

Achievement does not necessarily mean success. Success can mean different things to different people. Those that are rigid in their thinking and believe success is the act of achieving are more unhappy with themselves and their lives than those who see success in many other areas as well. For well balanced individuals – success is seen as a wider concept. Achievement is only a small element of success. Success can also involve carving out a life that works well for you – whether that’s living on a hut on a beach or just being true to yourself – this type of success will be longer lasting and more fulfilling than a life where success is narrowly defined as achieving. Achievement works on the premise that you must DO something but success doesn’t always involve doing or acting. For me, relaxing and taking time out from a busy schedule is success – working against how we are brainwashed to keep doing and achieving. Sometimes, resisting this is a good thing!

Be careful of your interpretation of achievement and success. Allow yourself to see success in many areas of life, that don’t necessarily have to include achievement.

Mandy X

 

 

Four ways to get what you want in life

 

rewards photo

Four ways to get what you want in life

  1. Attend to your relationships

It’s never a good idea to stop working on relationships that mean something to you. When we neglect important relationships and stop communicating about the important stuff that keeps us connected – like how we are feeling, what matters most to us and having fun in the relationship and doing things together, we end up detaching over time and one day we realise we don’t even know our partners that well anymore, Don’t let hurts and problems build up!

End hopeless relationships. Stop hanging on to something that no longer meets your needs. I know I have often stayed in relationships far too long – more out of fear of being single and the unfamiliar than anything else. This is never good idea and in hindsight I wish I had ended things sooner.

If the relationship is working at, don’t let conflicts build up. Try not to bottle up anger and resentment as this will kill the love in the relationship over time.

2. Balance priorities versus demands

When you feel overwhelmed, the first thing to do is to reduce or put off low priority demands. Make sure you know what is important and what can be delayed. Chunk down different tasks instead of worrying about everything all at once -that would make anyone feel overwhelmed (and neurotic). Ask for help (I find it hard to do this), others are usually far more happy to help than you realize.

3. Balance the “Wants” and “Shoulds”

Figure out what you truly enjoy doing and want to do as opposed to the things you feel you should do. When life is too full of “shoulds” it can make us resentful, angry and fatigued. Try to keep the two in balance.

Be assertive and get others to take your opinions seriously.

Ask for what you want – got others to do things too.

Learn to say “no” to unwanted requests.

4. Build mastery and self respect

Focus on interacting with others in a way to promotes a feeling of competency and effectiveness, not a feeling of being helpless and overly dependent. Stand up for yourself, your beliefs and opinions; follow your instincts and intuition.

The above are little tips, that if you practise will make a large difference in your life.

Mandy X