Tag Archives: success

Thoughts on failure

 

failed photo

Thoughts on failure

What are your thoughts on failure? Is it a lack of financial success? Is it owning a small house or being single? We all have different ideas about failure and the beliefs we cling to will determine how negatively failure impacts upon us.

Many of my clients blur the lines of failure. They blur the lines between failure being a verb and failure being a noun. I will often hear them say “I am a failure”. This is the number one rule about the concept of failure: Failure is a verb. A person isn’t a failure. Negative thoughts can create intense negative emotions, so spare yourself the grief by being aware of the nature of your thoughts. Never ever see yourself as a failure. Yes, perhaps something to tried to do didn’t work out but that certainly doesn’t equate to the ‘doer’ as a failure. Big difference!

In my books, life is a series of trial and error. We win some, we lose some. Failures show that we are alive and that we are trying. I see that as commendable. I view failure as giving up completely. If you are still trying and haven’t let life beat you down, you aren’t failing.

See failure as your friend. When you look at the process of failure as a a valuable lesson, you will no longer fear making mistakes and…well…failing.

Get living and get failing and see that as success!

 

Mandy X

 

The difference between achievement and success

 

success achievement

The difference between achievement and success

Have you ever taken a moment to think about these two terms – achievement and success? There is a difference between achievement and success and the danger comes about when we see the two concepts as one and the same.

I see many clients who are perfectionists and for them, constant achievement equals success. The immense pressure this places upon them creates anxiety and does lead to depression in some cases. This occurs  where clients fail to keep up their strenuous and unrealistic goals to achieve. Sadly, people too hung up and obsessed with achievement only see themselves as worthy and valuable when they are achieving – making money, closing business deals etc They completely miss the point when it comes to looking at their inner characteristics such as tolerance, kindness, being a good partner, father and so on…this gets lost in the obsessive need to achieve.

Achievement does not necessarily mean success. Success can mean different things to different people. Those that are rigid in their thinking and believe success is the act of achieving are more unhappy with themselves and their lives than those who see success in many other areas as well. For well balanced individuals – success is seen as a wider concept. Achievement is only a small element of success. Success can also involve carving out a life that works well for you – whether that’s living on a hut on a beach or just being true to yourself – this type of success will be longer lasting and more fulfilling than a life where success is narrowly defined as achieving. Achievement works on the premise that you must DO something but success doesn’t always involve doing or acting. For me, relaxing and taking time out from a busy schedule is success – working against how we are brainwashed to keep doing and achieving. Sometimes, resisting this is a good thing!

Be careful of your interpretation of achievement and success. Allow yourself to see success in many areas of life, that don’t necessarily have to include achievement.

Mandy X

 

 

Four ways to get what you want in life

 

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Four ways to get what you want in life

  1. Attend to your relationships

It’s never a good idea to stop working on relationships that mean something to you. When we neglect important relationships and stop communicating about the important stuff that keeps us connected – like how we are feeling, what matters most to us and having fun in the relationship and doing things together, we end up detaching over time and one day we realise we don’t even know our partners that well anymore, Don’t let hurts and problems build up!

End hopeless relationships. Stop hanging on to something that no longer meets your needs. I know I have often stayed in relationships far too long – more out of fear of being single and the unfamiliar than anything else. This is never good idea and in hindsight I wish I had ended things sooner.

If the relationship is working at, don’t let conflicts build up. Try not to bottle up anger and resentment as this will kill the love in the relationship over time.

2. Balance priorities versus demands

When you feel overwhelmed, the first thing to do is to reduce or put off low priority demands. Make sure you know what is important and what can be delayed. Chunk down different tasks instead of worrying about everything all at once -that would make anyone feel overwhelmed (and neurotic). Ask for help (I find it hard to do this), others are usually far more happy to help than you realize.

3. Balance the “Wants” and “Shoulds”

Figure out what you truly enjoy doing and want to do as opposed to the things you feel you should do. When life is too full of “shoulds” it can make us resentful, angry and fatigued. Try to keep the two in balance.

Be assertive and get others to take your opinions seriously.

Ask for what you want – got others to do things too.

Learn to say “no” to unwanted requests.

4. Build mastery and self respect

Focus on interacting with others in a way to promotes a feeling of competency and effectiveness, not a feeling of being helpless and overly dependent. Stand up for yourself, your beliefs and opinions; follow your instincts and intuition.

The above are little tips, that if you practise will make a large difference in your life.

Mandy X

 

 

Why you must never give up on yourself

 

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Why you must never give up on yourself

Self sabotage is common and I have witnessed many people give up at the first hurdle that comes their way. They flounder when things don’t go according to plan. Don’t be taken in by the idea of overnight success. Modern media shoves unrealistic airbrushed images at us on a daily basis and if you’re not careful it is easy to be taken in by the perfection we see around us. It is not necessarily the most talented that succeed –  it is the most determined. The world is full of talented people will never make it because talent is no substitute for staying power.

Expect the best for yourself. Basic confidence in yourself will see you through where others fall behind. Being blessed with an inbuilt faith in yourself . Is often the magic ingredient that will take you further than others. When you’re optimistic, it is easier to maintain hope even when there are setbacks and frustrations. Optimism carries you further.

Optimism can be learned. What is your attitude? Ask yourself about lessons that you learned from your parents. Were they positive? What core beliefs do you hold?

Complete the following sentences:

I am…

Other people are…

The world is…

 

Complete the above sentences without thinking too much about the answers. What is the tone of your answers? Optimistic or pessimistic?

Complete the following sentences:

These thoughts would really empower me…

What do you need to believe about the world and about yourself that will power you forward?

Watch those core beliefs! If you want to give the best of yourself and achieve your true potential ensure that your core beliefs are sound and objective as possible. Positive core beliefs are brilliant to but stay away from pessimistic core beliefs. You will be living life with cracked foundations if you choose to believe pessimistic things about the world.

Choose core beliefs that promote empowerment and help you to feel you have mastery over the events in your life-and outlook psychologists call “self efficacy”. Albert Bandura, a Stanford Psychologist puts it like this “People’s beliefs about their abilities have a profound effect on those abilities. People who have a sense of self efficacy bounce back from failures; they approach things in terms of how to handle them rather than worrying about what can go wrong”.

Life is better when you’re an optimist. All about being for closing your eyes to the world around you but it is about knowing that you will manage and find a way through. It can take time to grow into the most polished version of yourself. Franklin D. Roosevelt was one of America’s most popular president yet in his early days he was awkward and  not particularly charming. In 1921 he was crippled with polio but he still went on to become a much loved leader. It is never too late succeed.

Obviously something is too much like hard work this is a message in itself. Having the wisdom to know when to cut back or change direction is also important. That aside, if something means enough to you, you have to keep going. You owe it to yourself. This does not mean you have to put daily pressure on yourself but it means you have goals to work towards.

What to do:

Make a list of the things you truly want. Be sure that these goals for you and not ideas other people want for you.

Make a list of small steps that you can take to start achieving these goals. When things don’t go well draw on faith and hope and know that you will find a way through.

Be realistic-remember that success is very rarely linear. When you mess up get back on track. Learn from the failure but never see yourself as a failure.

Lean on others. Try not isolate yourself others are more willing to have the new realise.

Finally watch yourself fulfilling prophecies. Don’t set yourself up to fail. Your abilities are at the mercy of your beliefs. Neither of fixed!

Where there is a will there is a way. You can choose the pace, just keep going in the right direction and believe that you can and will get there.

Mandy X