It’s a fact, life sucks sometimes. People come into your life and steal your heart and then leave just as quickly as they entered.It’s hard to open up again and take the risk of letting someone else in. Should you trust them with your fragile feelings? I guess life is a risk and you can protect yourself forever or you can be brave and try to let love back in again. Life sucks for various reasons not just due to fading relationships.
I am writing this as it is close to my heart and I like to use this blog to write about all sorts of things. My own life serves as inspiration for blog posts, especially when I know there are many others experiencing similar things. I try to use hard times to learn and apply my professional experience to heal. I use this to help others if I can and to support my clients going through similar things. No one is immune to life, no matter how much ‘wisdom’ and/or knowledge you have.
Being rejected for something you have no control over is tough. He loved me until I told him I had health issues and that was that. He hung in but not for too long. Heart break central! His loss…
You have to believe that things happen for a reason. Being philosophical can be a blessing in life. Some things are beyond our control – like the feelings and thoughts of other people.
What needs to happen – focus on yourself, the only thing you can control. Make the most of yourself, never put yourself down and know that you are special whether someone else recognises it or not. Don’t allow your value and self worth to be wrapped up in the validation from others. Easier said than done but work on loving who you are. Someone who doesn’t want to be with you doesn’t deserve you in the first place. A broken relationship leaves you free to find the person who will love you, warts and all.
Well, that’s what I tell myself and it seems to work most of the time! Life sucks but always remember it won’t (thankfully) stay that way. Visualise yourself in the future, happy and carefree again. Each day, every second – you are closer to that happier place!
There seems to be a general consensus on the idea that being mean gets you ahead in life. There is a famous quote, “Nice guys finish last”. I don’t believe this though. Being assertive is the best way to be – stand up for yourself and try to reach a win-win situations with others. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be a nasty person. Asking for what you want but considering other people’s needs is a great way to move forward in life and still like yourself in the process.
People who are mean may temporarily get ahead in life but the long term effects can be surprising. Negative emotions are suppressed and this sometimes lead to depression and anxiety later in life. I like the idea of karma – if you’re mean to others, that negative energy will be returned to you in some form or another.
So deliver kindness to others, treat others as you would like to be treated. As tempting as it is to return nastiness when it is received, I try my best not to return it as it leads me to operate at the same simplistic and barbaric level as those mean ‘low lifes’.
Spend time with people you love, trust and respect and limit time with the toxic people but never stoop to their level. They are not worth your energy.
We can all learn ways to be more tolerant of others. The more tolerant we are of others, the less we fret and get stressed so it is useful for us as well as others to learn tolerance. Just how do we go about that?
I would not get very far as a counsellor if I was not a tolerant person. Friends often tell me they could never do my job as they do not have the patience. The thing is, it isn’t difficult to be tolerant. All it takes is an effort to understand the reasons behind someone’s behaviour. I may not necessarily agree with what they are doing or I may do something completely different in their circumstances but understanding their motives goes a long way to encouraging tolerance. Think about it, if you can understand how someone got to the place they’re at (ie. their reasoning), it becomes easier to deal with what they have done.
Being able to put yourself in ‘someone else’s shoes’ is a unique human trait. We are the only species who have evolved enough to be able to do this. If we use this skill to our advantage, we can reach out to others and share empathy rather than judgement.
When we find empathy for someone else, it means we are able to relate on an emotional level to what other people are experiencing without going through that exact experience ourselves. We can visualise and imagine how that person may have felt. The more empathy we have, the more tolerant we are.
Keep an open mind
Frequently, we hear stories about other people’s lives. Instead of accepting all you are told, remind yourself that there is always more than one way of interpreting a story. Try to keep what you are told in context and stay as open minded as you can until you have all the facts/information. Even when watching stories on the news and in the media – remember that you are often hearing facts that may have been twisted or interpreted incorrectly. Being a critical thinker is crucial in learning tolerance.
In my work I have dealt with all kinds of people – manic depressives, schizophrenics, murderers, rapists, padeophiles – you name it. Tolerance and empathy have been key to rehabilitating clients. The power of kindness and tolerance is far greater that bigotry.