The dynamics of long distance relationships
Research has shown that long distance relationships can often be emotionally closer than couples who see each other every day. Couples who see each other regularly can get bogged down by daily monotony and chores that can dull the excitement in a relationship. People who see each regularly tend to take this for granted and communication tends to be more superficial and less deep. Long distance relationships involve more soul searching conversations and communication about feelings and the future.
Of course, long distance relationships can be tough going. Insecurities abound and there can be excessive focus on what the other person is doing and whether they are faithful. A person in a long distance relationship needs to be able to self regulate their emotions as they cannot always get their emotional needs met instantly.
For some people, a long distance relationship is a way to have someone ‘in the background’ whilst not getting too emotionally entangled. This works for people who aren’t very good at dealing with emotions or who are emotionally unavailable. They can keep the other person at arms length and control and manage the relationship from a distance.
If you are in a long distanc relationship, ask yourself why you have chosen this set of circumstances. Perhaps it really is a case of true love and you cannot stand to not be in that person’s life, one way or another. It could be that you are afraid or it could be that you are settling. Whatever the reason, be sure that the future is something you discuss and that you ultimately have the same commitment and similar values regarding what you want from each other.
Long distance relationships can work but they take strong commitment with an end in sight. That goal needs to be one that you both like the idea of. If you have different ideas of what you want in the future, it may be time to re-assess and save yourself a lot of hurt and upset to come.
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