It is a pity that there are no forensic experts who can determine the signs that your relationship is over. To diagnose precisely when a relationship has evaporated is almost as complicated as agreeing on the origin of the universe. The only certainty is that many love stories survive much longer than they should. We often live with a ghost, a memory, a feeling of guilt, a misunderstood kindness; or with a mixed idea of ​​what affection is;  or, at best, with a roommate rather than with our partner. The relationship disintegrated years ago and, although most of our friends and close people already knew it for a long time, the partners are always the last ones to find out.

Why do we live for so many years with a stranger? This question comes into the mind of anyone who experiences a break-up. It would be worthwhile to know some answers so as not to repeat old mistakes. Here are some signs that indicate that your relationship is in trouble, needs intensive care or, unfortunately, has stopped breathing forever. Let’s learn how to know when a relationship is over, and when we can do about it.

Sex? Never heard of it…

While some think that the life of a stable couple should resemble a porn movie, others take for granted that it has more in common with the series- “A Man at Home.” The first months of a relationship often involve a prominent and regular sex life. However, as time progresses, you may experience a lack of libido. “There comes a time when the dysfunction is regularized,” says Francisca Molero, gynecologist, sexologist, couple therapist and director of the Institut Clinic de Sexología de Barcelona. “Also, society and friends who are asked often comment that it is normal for the couple to have less sexual intercourse over time. Indeed, as the years pass sex is not so intense or frequent. Don’t confuse this with a non-existent sex life or with a supposed physical disorder. What it does is mask the fact that our partner no longer sexually arouses us. Many cases of lack of desire in women or erection problems in men are solved when tested with another person, or the relationship is terminated, “says Molero.

Disconnected Relationship

If there is a specific symptom that the relationship is in danger, that would undoubtedly be the lack of communication. “There is a lot of talk about couples who argue all the time, but I think that if you are in this phase, there is still hope. Arguing can indicate that both people are still invested in the relartionship and willing to work at it. The problem is when even arguing stops,” says Francisca Molero and adds” Many couples come to see me with relationship problems. Many of them have stopped communicating at that stage. They have stopped expressing their demands, feelings, or concerns to the other, probably because they think that it is no longer useful. They wait for one of them to be brave enough to initiate the break up, but nobody wants to play the role of wicked one. Many come to therapy looking for the reason that will stand up to the rupture. They are seeking a judge who, indirectly, confirms the separation is a good idea so that the process is less traumatic “.

Too Little Investment

It is curious how the culture of effort, which has governed our lives, seems applicable to all fields except that of marital harmony. We must strive in our work, physical appearance and health but not in our life as a couple. As if love protects us from all the troubles and dangers of the real world. Being well in the long term requires work, although, for most people, the word “dedication” isn’t properly applied to love relationships. This is because we think it should be something natural and spontaneous, but this belief isn’t helpful and do a relationship a lot of damage.

One Partner Makes the Effort for Both

Arguing takes two and both partners contribute to the downfall of a couple’s relationship. It usually takes the strength of four arms working together. The people who come to a therapist often talk about what they would like their partner to do, or about the changes this person has experienced over the years. We all evolve and pretending that the other hasn’t is a somewhat unrealistic perspective. 

“It’s your fault!”

It’s never late to go through the toxic relationship test. Humans are the only living beings capable of communicating through language. Dialogue is essential in all aspects of our life, but even more so in extraordinary things. If your partner doesn’t want to talk to you. Or maybe he doesn’t show interest in solving conflicts. Or blames you for all the problems, the most likely thing is that the relationship has no way out.

After…

A relationship can be saved if both partners are eager to work at it. If you are busy and do not have any spare time to spend with your soulmate, for instance, because you are studying and simultaneously working-you will still find a solution. Nobody forbids you to use additional services to make your life easier and more pleasant. There are many services made especially for students to help them in studying process. You can search in the network for a request like write my essay here, and the best professionals will assist you with writing even the most difficult academic papers.

In case, you are working and do not have any idea how to spend much time with your beloved, you can delegate parts of work to your colleagues, and devote yourself to the person you do not want to let go of. If you are not ready to prolong your relationship and want to be free again,  it may be wise to finish it now, and meet a new love.

Wrapping Up

There are a lot of examples when celebrities overcome massive scandals and stay together. Remember Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, Kobe and Vanessa Laine Bryant, Victoria and David Beckham, David Letterman and Regina Lasko, and so on? However, all you have to do is consider whether your partner listens to you. This is a milestone in your relationship if you can communicate, leave the past behind and put effort into repairing a toxic relationship. Breaking up might sometimes the best way forward though if you can’t communicate, respect each other’s needs and put effort in.

Mandy X

Photo by Georgy Rudakov on Unsplash

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.