5 things to stop expecting from others
For them to love you as you feel you need to be loved
We all have different languages of love and show love in different ways. Learn to accept the way your partner expresses their love whilst gently showing them your love language. They won’t be able to meet all your needs and this is where you need to be astute and find other ways to meet these needs – either through friendships or by learning to give certain things to yourself. In the beginning of my dating life, I expected the man in my life to be my lover, best friend, companion, emotional support, parent and provider. An impossible task for anyone and it left me feeling unloved and unsatisfied until I learned to meet some of my emotional needs in other ways. No one person can provide us with everything we need.
For them to make you feel good about yourself
This is definitely something we need to give to ourselves. Validation from others is great but it should be seen as a bonus not as a necessity. Many people are quite self absorbed anyhow and aren’t constantly focused on how to make others feel great. Expecting this can lead to disappointment and self criticism.
For them to be what you want them to be
Acceptance is key. Learn to work with what you have rather than hoping for their possible potential to eventually emerge. Work with “what is” and you will be far happier and less frustrated.
For them to know what you are thinking
Learn to ask for what you want. I know I have assumed in the past that my partner would know what I was thinking and when he didn’t meet my needs I would assume he didn’t care. Other people aren’t mind readers and it is our responsibility to ask clearly for what we want in a relationship. This way there can be no room for misunderstandings.
For them to change
Most people don’t fundamentally change. Stop resisting who they are and learn to work with the ‘raw materials’ you have.
The less we expect of others the happier we will be in the long run. Many negative emotions come from the disappointment we feel when others let us down. We personalise their behaviour and see ourselves as not deserving of better treatment. This may not always be the case, some people just don’t have it in them to meet your needs in the way you would like. This has nothing to do with your love-ability or worth. Make sure you can distinguish the difference.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
