5 Ways to Find love and keep love
Not that I can purport to be an expert on love matter as I have certainly had my fair share of disappointments, but I have picked up on some wise advice along the way through my exposure to couples – their triumphs and tragedies.
-
Look outside of your usual type
I have come across many couples who have said initially, when they first met, at least one of them did not have high hopes for the relationship. Instead, they were pleasantly surprised and the person they felt they would never end up with long term, broke down all their preconceptions and led them into a new found sense of curiosity and fulfilment. At times, we assume we won’t fancy someone or they won’t be the right ‘type’ but give it a go – you may be amazed and find that initial error in judgement could’ve cost you the chance of a wonderfully long and enjoyable relationship!
2. Keep the faith
Try to leave your cynicism behind. The older we get, the more emotional baggage we tend to carry. Along with that baggage comes a whole accessory load of rigid rules and thinking. Be aware of the thoughts that might limit you in love and try to dismiss them – thoughts, after all are just that – a thought IS NOT a fact. Thoughts often end up far off from reality is actually presenting. Withhold negative judgement and watch your insecurities. Believe that there is someone out there for you who will love you just as you are. You might not have found them yet but remain hopeful that they are out there looking for you too.
3. Keep up the positive self talk
It’s such an old cliche but it’s true – you need to love and accept yourself first of you want to be able to maintain a happy positive relationship. That way, you won’t be needing to feel desired by others if your partner doesn’t always reassure you. You will feel happy in your own skin and much happier and grounded in a long term relationship. When we like ourselves, we also give off positive body language that tells others we wish to be treated well.
4. Don’t compare
Comparing your relationship to what you see of others is a disastrous move. Each relationship is unique and when you compare, you aren’t comparing the exact same thing. You are comparing the ‘warts and all’ reality of your relationship to the limited reality of what others are willing to show you. This is an inaccurate comparison and all it will do is leave you feeling deprived and with a sense that you are being short changed. The reality may be that the other couple are miserable and don’t connect at all – you are comparing your perceptions to a false reality. Instead focus on ways to strengthen your own relationship – that is where your power lies.
5. Work consistently at your relationship
Think of a relationship like a bank account. When you first get together, the account is in fact empty, not full, as some people assume. If you want to withdraw, you have to put something in first – just as in a relationship. If you want love and to feel cherished, you need to put some love and effort in too. The more you put in, the more you will be able to withdraw. Relationships take work – constant communication, compromise and consideration.
Be positive about finding love and remind yourself regularly of all your good qualities and what you could bring that is positive to another person’s life. Not everyone will appreciate your star qualities but then they weren’t right for you anyway.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
