6 Essential requirements for a long-lasting relationship

Ever wondered what the secret ingredients are for a happy long-lasting relationship are? Whilst there are as many differing opinions as there are unique couplings in the world, there are a few standard requirements accepted universally.

It takes a lot of effort to keep a relationship on track. If you think about it, you have two individuals with their own ideas and needs who come from different backgrounds and upbringings and all of those varying needs have to somehow be merged into one to keep the relationship happy. Not the simplest of tasks. Those taken in by the initial lure of those lust-filled first few months may easily forget that a mature, solid relationship will go through many phases and will not be sustainable on ‘lust/infatuation-fuel’ alone.

So, here is my list of the 6 essential requirements for a long-lasting relationship:

The first two are the most important. A relationship is going nowhere without these two requirements:

1) Shared Commitment

It may seem common sense but I have witnessed many people in relationships who fool themselves as to their partner’s commitment. Women, especially, often fall in love with the idea of what a man could be rather than what he is currently presenting as. So, some relationships get off to a bad start where the commitment differs. One person may want a long term commitment, the other may prefer a more casual encounter…a “let’s see what happens” approach. Shared commitment where you re both on the same level is crucial in order to avoid issues further down the line.

2) Shared Values

Do you see the world in a similar way? Are you similar in your attitudes to male/female roles within a relationship? Do you agree on how children should be brought up and disciplined? Do you feel that monogamy is important? These are the types of issues that I see couples struggle with time and time again. They argue over work/life balance, they argue over who does more house chores and who is more tired. If these don’t get resolved, the goodwill erodes and resentment builds up. Love struggles to thrive when resentment is rife.

3) Intellectual compatibility

Are you similar in intellect? Some people don’t mind that much but ultimately, if you have nothing in common on an intellectual level it will begin to create problems. If your partner is obsessive about sport and you prefer watching soap operas on the television all day, these differences will lead to problems. Unless you are both aware of the deficit and compensate in other ways by spending quality time together sharing mutual interests, a wedge will begin to grow between you. This is an extreme example but if one person is a bus driver or truck driver and the other a human rights lawyer, intellectual compatibility may rear it’s head in the future.

4) Physical compatibility

Sexual chemistry is a wonderful thing. It can help to smooth over many ‘niggles’ in a relationship. On its own though, it will be short-lived. Ask yourself whether you fancy your partner. Do you enjoy being physically intimate with them? I know many couples who sleep in separate rooms and this is after only being married a year or two. I see problems on the horizon. I know of many people in relationships who will do anything to avoid physical intimacy. They will go to bed earlier and pretend to be asleep. They will feign sickness. They squirm when their partner goes near there. Oh dear – not the healthiest of situations to be in. Some couples work around this, others find they don’t miss sex at all. It is really only a problem when one partner has a higher libido than the other and is not getting their physical needs met in the relationship.

5) Emotional compatibility

Is your partner able to support you through the tough times? When you need sympathy, support, or a shoulder to cry on, are they there for you? Emotional compatibility is important, and it would seem, even more so for women.

Emotional intelligence is also a part of this equation. Some people in relationships just don’t seem to possess the necessary skills to know how to support their partner. This occurs for men and women although I have found that men find it harder to express emotions and support their partners in times of emotional stress. If you are able to empathise with each other, you are lucky to have that essential connection.

The above 5 requirements give us the ingredients needed to make the recipe. The outcome of the cooking or baking though is still down to the adept skills of the cooks.

It can also be likened to being given the keys to the car. You can now get in and drive but how well you navigate depends upon how well both parties communicate, compromise, and understand each other. Be kind, try to put yourself in their shoes, and make time to reintroduce goodwill if you notice that it is fading.

6) Conversation

No matter how physically attracted you are to a person, you still need to be able to enjoy their company and have a conversation with them as your relationship develops. This is why this sort of thing needs to be accounted for when you are looking to get the best out of your relationship. There are a lot of factors to think about here, but having plenty to talk about all the time is one of the most important things. You need to make sure you don’t run out of things to say to one another, and there are a lot of elements to think about when you are trying to get this right as much as you can. 

Try to do your best to think about some of the key factors that play a part in helping to develop conversation. And also try to make sure you take time to have conversations with people before you meet up, so you can get a feel for what they are like. 

Do something fun together, put that sparkle back. Research has shown that doing activities out of your usual comfort zone is a great way to reconnect as you have to rely on each other in unfamiliar surroundings. So get out there and book that bungee jump or abseiling!

Mandy X

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.