Signs of a commitment phobe
You could be dating a commitment phobe and here are the obvious signs to look for. More often than not, there are always signs but when we want a relationship, we tend to overlook and dismiss the signs as they threaten what we want – to find love.
Trust your gut instincts when it comes to relationships and commitment.
Hot and cold
Someone who blows hot and cold and sends you mixed messages might very well be a commitment phobe. When some one is committed there are less mixed signals and they tend to give you consistent messages. If someone loves you, their feelings do not tend to change from day to day. See this as a warning sign.
False promises
Are you dating someone who promises you the world yet doesn’t seem to deliver? All talk and no action? Be very wary of this and open your eyes to what might really be going on. We are desperate to be loved and will often ignore warning signs in favour of that attention we crave. This is a dangerous strategy because you could be investing your emotions in someone who isn’t investing back into you with the same level of intensity A commitment phobe will promise you the world but rarely deliver.
Self absorbed behaviour
Commitment phobes can be shy to commit due to being hurt in the past. There are other commitment phobes however who are just plain selfish and want a relationship without any of the effort. They want someone to be there when it suits them and to give them space when they are busy doing something else. If this is something you are experiencing, you deserve better. Don’t lower your self esteem by putting up with this behaviour.
Emotionally unavailable
Some commitment phobes find it hard to be any other way. Their behaviour is not malicious in any way, it’s just that they have been hurt in the past and are fearful of relationships. Some people are less emotionally available than others, they don’t like talking about their feelings. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they are hiding something, some people are just naturally more reserved. The skill is differentiating this type of commitment phobe from the type who actively deceives. They use the excuse that they have been hurt in the past, to avoid getting close to someone because it suits their purposes.
Ultimately, every relationship is a risk and you need to use common sense to decipher the genuine people from the cads. Sadly, there are a lot of shits out there who lack empathy and don’t have any problem with messing around with other people’s feelings. They will lead others on and lie to them, saying jwhat they know will pull the other person in.
Keep your wits about you, dating can be a tough experience but it can also lead to love and companionship. I have had my heart broken many times and at times have wanted to give up on the whole idea of relationships. I never did though and somehow managed to keep a little hope alive.
Don;t be disheartened but protect yourself and take things slowly. If it is the right relationship it will keep going in the right direction without rushing into anything.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
