How compatible do you think you are with your partner? It’s not rocket science and more often than not, people know deep down whether they are compatible. Even people who aren’t compatible can make it work although their relationship will have far more ups and downs than a couple who are compatible. I am constantly surprised at how people who clearly shouldn’t be together try their darndest to make it work.

So what exactly promotes compatibility I hear you ask…

There are five basic factors to consider:

Shared values

Do you and your partner see life in a similar way? Do you believe honesty and trust are paramount or do you think secrets are a good thing?  Do you share similar attitudes on religion, politics and bringing up children? Are your backgrounds similar? The more shared values you have, the better chance you have of enjoying a long and happy relationship.

Shared commitment

Do you prefer monogamy or are you leaning more towards polygamy? Do you want to settle down with someone whilst they still want freedom? Shared commitment is an obvious one but people still ignore this obvious factor and try to make relationships work in spite of this. More often than not this is a bad idea. As a couples counsellor, I definitely wouldn’t recommend it.

The next three factors are still very important but not quite as essential as shared values and shared commitment:

Physical compatibility

You won’t get very far if you don’t fancy each other physically. Women are more guilty of this than men are. Women can be desperate for security and will attach themselves to any man who might be able to offer them financial security. These relationships can work but you sell a part of your soul when you do this and I don’t believe it’s the right path to happiness and peace of mind.

Mental compatibility

On an intellectual level, a relationship is far more likely to work if you are matched in terms of your intelligence. If one partner only cares about football whilst the other person is well read and loves intellectual debates, there will be more challenges present in making this work.

Emotional compatibility

Are you able to empathise with each other? Can you support each other emotionally in times of trouble? Emotional compatibility can make up for a lack in other areas. If sex goes off the boil for a while, being able to communicate and still feel close emotionally can balance out the negative effects of lacking physical intimacy. If you don’t ‘get’ each other, the prognosis for your relationship is less favourable.

Possessing the above five factors is like having the keys to the car. You can get in and start the engine. How well you drive the car (or manage the relationship) is down to compromise, collaboration and communication.

Communication is the number one factor that influences relationships – if you don’t have good communication the relationship will be unlikely to succeed. Talk about feelings, express yourself regularly and learn to trust your partner and make yourself vulnerable with them. This increases intimacy and closeness. Relationships that are compatible can bring amazing joy to both people –  a wonderful special feeling. A experience of being truly alive and connecting.

Mandy X

 

 

Mandy Kloppers
Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.

1 Comment

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Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.

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