The end of a relationship
Just because a relationship has ended, it does not mean that something beautiful isn’t around the corner. The end of a relationship creates space for something else, at the very least for yourself and who you are… And from there, all possibilities are possible.
Shame and Guilt
Shame and guilt are often involved at the end of a relationship, especially if there are children. Children fare much better when they are surrounded by happy parents that are separated  than parents who stay together but are miserable.
You may feel sad about it having ended, if it was an unhealthy relationship consider how much sadder you might have been if it had continued.
In some relationships you feel you can’t live with your partner and you can’t live without them. Identify the factors that push your partner or trigger negative behaviour and deal with them. If you do not, this pattern will go on and  there will come a point when you no longer feel strong enough to leave the relationship.
You may feel that this was your soul mate and you ask yourself how you can continue without them at the end of the relationship, even though it was an unhealthy relationship. It is necessary to constantly remind yourself of the negatives of the relationship and the  possible positives that await you in the future.
If you felt that you were in a’ soul mate’ relationship, but it was an unhealthy relationship, realise that the negatives most likely outweighed the positives and that you deserve someone who loves and cherishes you instead of wearing you down. If you are worried about  rejection or being turned down, you will most likely be wondering how will you find someone  again, There are a few things to be said on that. Firstly you must identify all your strengths – all that is wonderful and unique about you.. Give yourself credit. Next, realise it is an abundant universe and there is someone else out there who will make you feel adored and more, who will treat you well and wants what you want too.
There may be ‘noise’… whether from your ex partner or from others around them or you regarding the end of the relationship. Don’t let it distract you. Make decisions that you are congruent with. You will have to live with them. Do not be scared of making the wrong decision; you can only make the best decision you can at that moment in time. If fear wasn’t a factor what would you do? This puts you more in touch with your spirit.
It is important to realise that no matter how bad it may seem at the end of a relationship, or no matter how scary it may seem, it will get better. This phase will pass and you will enter a new phase. The choices you now make, including the thoughts and feelings you choose to nurture and believe, will influence the new faith/future that comes.
There are no guarantees in life but I can say with certainty that if you allow fear to rule your decisions and sell yourself short as a result, you will be unlikely to feel happy and content. Follow your heart, trust your instincts and have faith that life is unfolding for you exactly as it’s meant to.
Your ‘love’ is out there…possibly looking for you too. They might be on holiday right now or walking in a park or doing something more mundane such as grocery shopping – but they are real and you will cross paths. Be patient..
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
