When you start to doubt yourself and your own mind, it may be time to look into whether you are in an abusive relationship with a “crazy maker”.
Your version of reality is constantly undermined and your feelings and emotions are not acknowledged, instead they are side lined and you are left more frustrated than ever before. The toughest part of this whole situation is that it is done subtly. There is no obvious, concrete behaviour that you can identify as wrong. It just feels wrong and this is when the self doubt comes in.
Here are a few examples of crazy making behaviour:
You can’t do anything right. It’s a case of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t”. No matter which way you go there will be a ‘problem’ with your choice. This leaves a person feeling inadequate and incapable of satisfying their partner.
Your partner provokes an emotional reaction and then blames you. “Why are you so sensitive?” They make out as if you are emotionally unstable and get angry at your emotions when they should in fact be sympathetic towards you and your feelings. There is a hard inner core to these people, they lack empathy.
They withhold affection from you or subtly withhold doing things for you when you rely on them to do this. It is almost as if they enjoy the sense of control they have over you and enjoy watching the power and effect they have on you. It’s a sick emotional game that will leave the ‘victim’ exhausted.
Your feelings are denied. You state your reality and this is negated by your partner. “what are you talking about? That’s not true”. Again – your reality is not validated, leaving you doubting your perceptions and losing confidence in the process.
Remember – often, if you feel awful inside, unhappy and bothered – then it is a valid feeling whether the other person acknowledges it or not. It is still valid for you and if your partner chooses to ignore your feelings in favour of their own, it is a form of abuse. I am NOT talking about the odd incident here and there – we are all human and make mistakes. I am referring to patterns of behaviour. If they keep ignoring you, keep denying your feelings and experiences and make you doubt your sanity on a regular basis – it’s time to get help or get out.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
