13 Danger signs in relationships

Separate bedrooms

If you are sleeping in separate bedrooms, make sure it is temporary. Long term this spells trouble for any relationship.

Lack of sex

If both partners are happy with a lack of sex, there isn’t a problem. If one partner feels frustrated about not getting enough, this will need to be addressed sooner or later. Don’t sweep it under the carpet and hope the issue goes away – talk about it!

Lack of communication

This is the number one reason for relationships breaking down. As soon as communication is sub par, resentment starts to build, assumptions are made and rot sets in. Make sure you put in the effort to talk to your partner as often as possible. Check in with them and make sure you clear the air regularly. Small issues become big issues if they are ignored.

Living separate lives

It’s healthy to have your own interests and makes the relationship more interesting when you can reunite and discuss your different experiences. The problems begin when you seem to be doing most things separately – seeing your own group of friends, doing your own thing and doing less and less together.

Functioning only a practical level – not connecting emotionally

I see this often in the couples who come to see me seeking help with their failing relationships. They work well together in terms of running the house, paying the bills, getting the kids to school etc but when it comes to their closeness and intimacy as a couple, it can be pretty non existent.

The fun has gone out of the relationship

Do you no longer have any fun together? Make sure you have fun some times otherwise the relationship will become associated with tension and stress and this will most likely lead to the demise of the relationship.

Constant bickering with no resolution

At times, couples get stuck in a rut and they keep repeating the same destructive patterns with each other. No resolution is achieved and communication lessens as both partners begin to feel they are not being heard. Make sure that you listen properly when your partner tries to tell you what is wrong. Do some problem solving around the problem and figure out ways to compromise and restore peace and contentment.

Resentment has built up

Resentment kills love over time. Never sit with resentment for too long. Find ways to talk to your partner and reduce the resentment.This is vital for a happy relationship going forward.

You rarely think of your partner when you aren’t together

Out of sight, out of mind? It may just be that you aren’t a very sentimental person but it could also mean that you no longer have any emotional attachment to your partner. This is a sad state of affairs and needs to be addresses if you want to have the best possible relationship. A good balanced relationship includes emotional, mental and physical intimacy.

You feel relief when your partner goes away

Worse than not missing your partner when they are not around is feeling relief when they are absent. This is a major warning that something is seriously wrong in your relationship. It might even be time for relationship counselling if you want to save your relationship. Don’t put your head in the sand. Deal with the problem – the sooner the better.

You feel alone in the relationship

This is another sign that something is seriously amiss in the relationship. Figure out what is missing and what your partner would need to do (and what you would need to do) to feel connected again.

You feel misunderstood in the relationship

This is easier to resolve than feeling alone in a relationship. It may just be that you are communicating at odds and need to find different ways to get your point across. Don’t give up – be resourceful and creative. Counselling can also help with this one.

Your emotional needs are not being met

When needs aren’t being met, resentment can set in and people will eventually find other ways to meet their needs. If your partner struggles to meet your emotional needs (some people really struggle as their emotional intelligence is low) you can find other ways to meet these needs. Find good friends you can talk to or a therapist. There are ways to work around this one if you love your partner and want to stay in the relationship irrespective of your poorly met emotional needs.

Relationships take work. Think of a relationship as a garden. If you don’t tend to it, weeds will grow. You get out what you put in.

Mandy X

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.