Don’t give away your power, it will weaken you over time. How do we give away our power? We do it without even realising it many times. Others want us to do things their way. They try manipulation. This can come in the form of bribery or in a more insiduous manner – emotional blackmail. When we relent and give in we give our power away.
Guilt is another way to persuade us to give our power away. Don’t give your power away. The more you relent, the faster the process. When you give your power away you allow another person to make you do something you don’t agree with or don’t believe in. It might be a gut instinct feeling but you ignore it. Why do we ignore our inner wisdom? It’s often the kindest nicest people that give their power away as they take on too much responsibility for the happiness of others. They have empathy and others can exploit this to their advantage. Sad but true.
How to keep your power
Learn to say “No”
Be assertive. Have clear boundaries. What is acceptable to you and what isn’t? Know what your values are and stick to them no matter what. (see post on Values – coming out tomorrow to help you pinpoint your values). Be the same person inside and out – practice integrity. As far as possible, I like to be able to look at myself in the mirror and like who I am. I am getting there…need to be vegetarian and I’ll be even prouder!
Give it back
Manipulative people are projecting their own insecurities and fears onto others. Give it back. You don’t need to sit with it. See it for what it is – their issue, not yours. Don’t take responsibility for their emotional stuff.
Manage the self doubt
The more we doubt ourselves (and we all do), the easier it is for others to manipulate ourselves. Learn to trust your judgement. Remind yourself of past instances when you have been spot on and made good judgements. Trust yourself. Trust yourself. Listen to your inner wisdom. Do what feels innately right to you. You might still get it wrong at times (Hell, that’s life) but you will follow the right path more often than not. Yeah baby!
Be a stuck record
This is the way to deal with persistent manipulators. Don’t get into a debate, don’t even explain yourself. One explanation is fine and if they don’t get the message, press ‘repeat’. Example: “I know you want me to give up my night out on Sunday but I have told you that it’s important to me and I am going”. “I am going”, “I am going” etc etc “We have talked about this and I am still going”.
Repeat the same message, don’t get into a further discussion once all has been said and explained.
“I’m going”.
Show empathy
Now others aren’t going to be pleased when you start keeping your power. They are not going to like this new you initially. You can keep your power without being an asshole about it though. Show empathy. “I know this must be hard for you, I get it but I’m still saying “no””
Empathy also lessens your own guilt in the process.
Don’t give away your power. Repeatedly giving in to others lead to a feeling of powerlessness and hoplessness. It is often easier to just give away your power for an easier life but it’s not advisable. You will erode your sense of self and lose confidence doing that.
Be caring and compassionate but don’t be a pushover.
Mandy X
Photo by leighblackall 
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
