emotional wellbeing Mandy Kloppers

Feeling lost and lonely?

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The world is bumbling along at a frenetic pace and at times it can feel like we are being left behind in the race. We all, without exception, feel lonely and lost in life at times. On top of feeling alone, we chastise ourselves for feeling this way. We compare ourselves to others and somehow this comparison always seems to be in favour of others. We imagine their busy fulfilling lives as they make fantastic progress every day towards their wonderfully inspired goals. The reality is never quite the same as we imagine, yet despite this, we engage in thoughts that make us feel worse about ourselves.

1) Our thoughts are not the same as the reality

Remind yourself regularly that you are not alone. Many others are struggling with the exact same battle that you are experiencing right now. In fact, we are all in this together. Sharing parallel lives in isolation. Feeling lost and lonely is part of life. we are never as alone as we think we are and there is always someone, somewhere, that feels pretty much the same as you do. The way we think is never a completely accurate interpretation of reality. We all perceive things through our own biases and pre-existing beliefs and filters.

2) Be philosophical about lonely times

Every life has ebbs and flows. There are natural rhythms that we all experience. Instead of resisting these experiences and thinking thoughts such as: “why me?” or “it’s just so unfair!” or “it shouldn’t be like this”, accept the downtimes in life and acknowledge that this means you are alive and very normal.

3) The lesson in feeling lost

Feeling lost and confused can indicate that there is a life lesson you need to confront. Change is scary but regrets are even scarier. Use your experiences to help you grow and understand yourself better. I have felt lost and directionless many times, but each episode has eventually brought clarity and positive action.I have experienced confidence crises, self-doubt, and have even felt as if the world would be better off without me at times. The dark times have helped me to become stronger, more resilient, and wiser. I love the saying by Eleonor Roosevelt: “A woman is like a teabag. You never know her strength until she is in hot water.” Tough times can show us what we are really made of.

4) Acceptance

Being mentally strong involves learning to accept “what is”, emotional regulation and increasing tolerance for uncertainty and distress. There are no guarantees for anybody in life, yet so many of us try to control things that are beyond our influence. Accepting uncertainty is crucial if we are to be resilient in life. Instead of fighting and resisting life’s challenges, see every new challenge as an opportunity to grow. At the end, do you want to look back on your safe, non-risk-taking life or do you want to remember the adventurous life you lead?

5) Attitude determines altitude

Engaging in self-limiting beliefs leaves us fearful. When we engage in “what if” thinking we frighten ourselves into passivity and nonaction. Try not to let uncertainty and unfairness get better of you.remember that you choose your attitude. No matter what happens to you in life  you still choose how you react and what you do about your circumstances and experiences. There is power in that approach. Smile at those bitter twisted people who try to bring you down with them and let them see what is missing in their life. Be positive and show them what they cannot take away from you – your amazing attitude!

6) Self-belief

Maintaining a strong personal identity can help you through times of confusion. When you know your strengths and weaknesses and understand what would make you happy in life, you are much more resilient to what life sends your way. Write down short-term and long-term goals and keep them in the back of your mind as you go through your daily life. Self-belief is the single most important characteristic that you need to get you through feeling lost and lonely. Friends and family may not always support you and your goals but when you have self-belief it is easier to stay on track. Do not let the noise from others dilutive your focus-follow your intuition even when self-doubt pinches you. Be true to yourself and the light at the end of the tunnel will show itself.

so the next time you feel lost and lonely, imagine a large room filled with all the people who feel the way you do right now. In fact, I don’t think you would be able to find a room large enough. Visualising this will help you feel less alone in what you’re going through. When all feels lost, always remind yourself that “this too shall pass”.

Mandy X

Mandy Kloppers
Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.