Mental health, emotional wellbeing & personal development

Feeling worthless in a relationship

Feeling worthless in a relationship

Feeling worthless in a relationship can be a barrier to good mental health. This is especially true if you already struggle with your confidence and self esteem. A critical or controlling partner can act as a constant trigger to your insecurities and lead you on a downward spiral fast. It’s imperative to find strategies to keep your morale upbeat and not allow this destructive interaction to ruin you.

Feeling worthless

There are always exceptions to the rule but in general, the type of person who will promote your feeling of unworthiness has some defining characteristics.

Controlling and/or jealous

Partners who make you feel worthless tend to be quite controlling and/or jealous. The more unworthy you feel,the more in control they feel and the easier you are to manipulate. Controlling or jealous people tend to be insecure within themselves and they like to keep you down. It helps to keep them feeling on top and in control of the relationship. They want to make you fit their reality, so they don’t have to face the fact that their reality may be wrong.

Critical

Critical partners tend to give very little support and positive feedback. They belittle your attempts to better yourself and add negative comments whilst explaining that they are only being realistic. They won’t share in your enthusiasm, they will want to squash it. If you are enthusuastic and have other interests, where will this leave them? Critical partners are often hard on themselves too, in fact, many of them don’t actually like themselves.

They want to be the centre of attenton and they want all of your attention too.

Selfish

Selfish partners are all about them – what they want, when they want it. The consequence of this is that their poor partner often feels unloved and unimportant. Everything revolves around the selfish person. Selfish people don’t change, they will always be selfish and pout themselves first. Don’t expect them to change.Of course, they can be loving and caring towards you at times, that’s why people hang in there but don’t expect to have your needs put ahead of theirs…ever.

It’s important to understand where your feelings of worthlessness come from. Some of us are needy and high maintenance. ie. – needing constant reassurance and compliments. This often comes from a neglected or abusive childhood (but not always). This is different. Ultimately, we need to give worthiness to ourselves – true freedom comes from feeling worthy irrespective of external validation.

But if you find that your partner seems to revel in highlighting your faults and seems disinterested in your plans, your life…these may be warning signs that you are with someone who doesn’t see your happiness and self esteem as important. In a healthy relationship, your partner will be actively interested in what you are doing. Hell, they may even chip in with their own ideas to help you in your endeavours. If your partner seems disinterested, it may because they see your ambition or your interests outside the relationship as a threat. Be careful not to lose your identity trying to keep them happy. Keep pursuing your dreams, if your partner can’t handle it and isn’t excited and happy for you (as well as supportive) then you are probably best off without them. Don’t let them dim your shine!

Mandy X

 

 

 



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