There seems to be a lot of variation in how couples arrange their financial sharing in relationships. It got me thinking about whether there is a right way or a wrong way to do this. Especially when it comes to second-time-around relationships. You both have financial baggage from previous relationships.
Some come into a new relationship with a lot of money accumulated from their previous situation, and others come in with a lot less – perhaps due to a difficult divorce. So how should money be shared?
If you are buying a house together, should there be a joint mortage? Should each partner put the same amount into the joint money pot even if one person earns a lot less? What’s fair?
Whilst many variations are acceptable, the most important aspect is that both parties agree to how money is shared. If there is disagreement, there will no doubt be resentment and this could cause trouble for the relationship long term.
Fairness and transparency are essential when it comes to finances. It’s definitely okay to both have separate accounts but shared money needs to be agreed first beforehand.
Financial sharing (or non sharing)in relationships can be a way for one person to control another. This is why fairness and transparency are crucial. I see many couples who are having relationship issues and financial problems are one of the top reasons why there is conflict in relationships.
If you cannot agree, seeing a counsellor or financial mediator might be a good way to protect yourself. The financial side of a relationship may seem very unromantic but it is just as important to attend to as romance is itself.
Mandy X
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Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
