I have given this subject a lot of thought, and believe me – I have had my fair share of triumphs and disastrous failures!
Ultimately, I do believe that your chances of meeting the right person are maximised when you like and accept yourself. When we value ourselves we project a healthy self image. One that indicates to others how we wish to be treated and also what we will not be prepared to accept.
Others respect healthy boundaries and tend to treat you better when you like yourself.
Here are a few tips on increasing your chances with the opposite sex:
1) You teach people how to treat you. never undervalue yourself for anyone. Try not to be manipulated into doing things you don’t want to do. When we meet someone, there is a nonverbal game going on which helps us to figure out boundaries. For example. You turn up 20 minutes late for your first date. If the other person merrily accepts this and says nothing, you will make a mental note that it is okay not to be punctual with this person. This person has inadvertently given you an unspoken rule as to what they will accept. You will have established your first ‘boundary’.
Teach people from the very beginning what works for you, they should hopefully be doing the same. This can be done in an assertive way of course – not in an aggressive way.
2)Be open and honest. Too many us play games, we don’t say what we mean, and this less to less effective communication. being open and honest means you are being true to yourself – a very healthy way in which to commence any kind of relationship.
3) Be available. I know many people play games and say they are busy when they are in fact lazing about doing nothing. This is to create the impression of popularity and being in demand. Why play games? If you had self-esteem in the first place there would be no need to lie about your life. Like yourself, accept your life and how busy or quiet it is and be yourself.
4)Be true to yourself. All this “pick up” nonsense will only get you so far. You can do the “peacocking”, pretend to like the uglier girl – all these little tricks but this will create incongruency. There will be an inner tension between how you are presenting yourself and who you really are. Doing this implies that you do not feel you could attract a girl by just being yourself..in fact, it encourages a way of thinking that could lead you to believe that you are NOT good enough without all these pick-up techniques.
don’t buy into it. Work on maximising your strengths and minimising your weaknesses and don’t insult a person’s intelligence by laying tricks on them to get their attention. It comes across as fake and most people will see through it. Nuff said…
5) Keep a sense of humour. Above all, don’t take it too seriously. You’re either going to click with someone or you won’t. Don’t try and force a square into a round hole…we try too hard to work at relationships with people that are often fundamentally incompatible with us. trust your gut instinct and see it as fun – meet new people and limit your expectations. I do believe that you will know when something feels good and right.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
