cognitive behavioural therapy; psychology; relationship counselling

Finding love in later life

Finding love in later life

Finding love in later life can be slightly trickier than when you are younger. As you get older, you tend to have more walls/barriers up due to earlier love mishaps. When you are younger, you tend to be more open minded and optimistic about finding love. As you get older, you are unfortunately, far more aware of the pitfalls of relationships and emotional baggage increases. By the time your are in your forties or fifties, you may have gone through a divorce or you may still be married but infidelity may have occurred. Life can be messy and no one escapes unscathed in the ‘love and relationship’ game.

Finding love in later life can be far more rewarding however. You often know yourself far better and have more of an idea of what you are looking for. There are many things you can do to improve our chances of finding love in later life.

 

Stay in the game

It’s a numbers game. Don’t give up too soon and accept that you will probably meet quite a few people that you don’t click with. I would say that you need to go on an average of ten dates to find someone worthwhile. That’s a generalisation though, so don’t feel disheartened if you haven’t met someone after ten dates. If you have had more than 30 dates you may need to re-assess your dating criteria! Being too fussy isn’t going to help you and the longer you are looking online, the fussier you tend to get. I have heard many stories of people who have found the love of their life, who initially, wasn’t their typical type. They were either shorter than expected or there was some other variable that put them off. Your perfect partner may be slightly different to what you expect, be open minded and try looking outside of your typical criteria.

Develop a thick skin

It’s important to not take rejection personally. Yes, this can be easier said than done but online dating gives people the wrong impression. People mistakenly assume that there are hundreds of eligible people out there but this just isn’t true. If you put 100 people in a room, you probably wouldn’t physically fancy up to 80%. Then there would be a personality clash with some.In the end you may find there are only 3-4 suitable people out of 100 random people. This mistaken perception makes people less tolerant and more fussy. Rejection could be down to faulty thinking by someone else who may be far more willing to get to know you better if they didn’t believe they had tons of choice.

See each date as an opportunity to meet someone new but keep open minded and manage your expectations.

Don’t give up

Keep a sense of humour about dating. You win some, you lose some. There is someone out there for everyone. Be philosophical and never put yourself down. Focus on your strengths and remind yourself that if someone rejects you, it’s their loss.

Be confident

Confidence is alluring. Speak positively about yourself. Someone who seems comfortable in their own skin is very attractive. Be warm, open and friendly too.

Don’t generalise

One bad experience doesn’t mean all men or all women are awful or mean. There are amazing men and women out there and one of them is a great match for you.

See finding love in later life as a fun challenge. It’s what you make of it so watch your thinking. Instead of thinking it is hard and daunting, see it as a great way to make new friends and possibly find love.

Mandy X

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash



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