Going through a divorce, no matter how amicable, can be painful at times. It’s an emotional rollercoaster that can seem like a never-ending ride. However, developing strategies that can help you to ease the pain of divorce, focus less on the pain and more on what’s really important can ease some of that pain and hurt.
While divorce often causes a notable shift in our lives, taking the time to re-focus your goals, wants, and needs can help you rebuild a fresh, new life — the way you want it. If you find yourself stuck in a rut of doubt, uncertainty, and pain, here are some tips to help you regain your focus and help ease some of the mental aches that come with divorce.
Do More of What You Love (And Make Some $$$)
It’s possible that during your marriage, your hobbies and passions fell to the wayside. Regaining some of those lost hobbies and finding new ones can turn the focus away from the more negative aspects of divorce. Focusing more on our interests can also result in a fun side-gig if you want it to. For example, photography is a great hobby that can be utilized to make some extra cash while you’re battling legal proceedings during your divorce (and we all know how expensive that can get). You could also open up an Etsy shop or other online store and sell your prints. The main thing you’ll need to learn how to do to bring in the bank is proper photography invoicing.
Of course, photography isn’t the only hobby that can be turned into a part-time gig. Whatever hobby you enjoy doing, there is likely a simple way to make some additional income with it, which can be nice if after your divorce your income changes. It’s also worth noting that you don’t need to pick up a hobby for the sake of making additional income. Sometimes, it’s important for a hobby or passion to remain a stressless and fun activity.
Make Yourself a Priority
Our mental health and wellbeing should always a top concern, particularly during a divorce. Unfortunately, some people worry that their mental health could impact their divorce case which leads them to not seek help for their issues. However, while it is a valid concern, if you can learn positive ways to manage your mental health concerns, it’s likely to not make any sort of impact on your divorce. One way that we can more positively focus on our wellbeing, according to experts at Mental Health America, is with the right coping methods. They recommend:
- Recognize that it’s perfectly okay to have different feelings. The unknown is always a bit scary. Learn to accept all the emotions — anger, sadness, anxiousness — instead of fighting against them.
- Avoid isolating yourself or feeling like you’re a burden to your loved ones. Going through a divorce all alone is too much for one person to handle. Now is the time to rely on your support system, without feeling guilty. There are also a lot of great support groups that you can connect with through community centers or even online.
- Make your emotional and physical health a priority. A divorce may not be the best time to make major life changes. It’s also important to not rely on things like alcohol to help you cope. If your body and spirit aren’t taken care of during your divorce, your mental health is likely to really suffer.
Focusing on what’s important, like your mental health, is essential to remaining positive during this tough time.
Reconnect With Those You Love
Another way to change your focus during a divorce is to utilize your support system. While your friends, family, and even pets are likely showing you their support during this difficult time, finding new ways to connect with them can keep you focused on the positive aspects of your life.
Think about the last time you and all of your loved ones enjoyed a weekend together. Where is someplace you have all wanted to go to? Traveling with friends or family can be a lot of fun and often forces you to live in the moment more, which leaves little time to be dwelling on your divorce. You can go on a road trip or stay local and enjoy some sight-seeing. Get your pets involved too! For your crazier, more physically-straining plans you might want to have your pets evaluated and insured for any pre-existing conditions before getting them involved, just to be safe.
If traveling really isn’t within your budget right now, consider having a sleepover party with dinner, games, and movies or go for a nice, long hike together. Keep in mind too that you don’t need to shy away from talking about your divorce, but it might help if you devote the time spent with your friends and family doing things that bring you joy. When we live in the moment, especially around our loved ones, a lot of our cares and worries dissolve, even if just for a bit.
Some days, your divorce is all you can think about. It’s a big change that can affect us mentally, emotionally, and physically. Finding more ways to shift your focus away from your divorce and to the more positive aspects of your life can make this difficult process a little easier.
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
