It’s more common than most of us realise: hitting a rough patch in our relationship where we have to consider whether we should get divorced or stay together.
Ups and downs are normal in any relationship and sometimes we just have to hang in there and wait for things to improve. Common problems that married people encounter:
Common marital problems
The birth of a child
This shifts the dynamic in the relationship and can cause frutration and arguements initially. We are led to believe that having children is always a wondrous event but no one prepares you for the extra strain on the relationship, the fatigue and the tension that can arise. This is a normal shift and most couples are able to adjust.
Illness
This can be a tricky one. When faced with our own mortality, people can end up questioning whether they are really happy. Most couples who are in love can get through this if they focus on the good times and take it one day at a time.
Debt
Money problems are one of the tope reasons that people think about getting divorced. It rattles couples at the very foundations and can cause anger and contempt. Money issues can be overcome with good consistent communication. Working as a team instead of blaming each other is key to moving forward.
Infidelity
Infidelity breaks marriages. Once the trust is broken, there is a lot of work required to get the relationship back on track. Often, there is no going back. Couples come to see me when there is very little hope left. Counselling is seen as a last resort but the reality is that infidelity is one of the hardest problems to overcome.
Decision: Get divorced or stay together
There is a simple way to decide whether you should stay together or not. If you spend more than 50% of the time (for at least 6 months) feeling miserable and unhappy in the relationship, then you should consider leaving the relationship. Relationships aren’t that complex and your emotions are your compass. Listen to them. If you feel insecure, unloved or devalued, lidten to these feelings.
At times, we want so much to be loved and be in a relationship that we make excuses for bad behaviour but think about what you will be risking in the future if you stay in an unhappy marriage/relationship.
You deprive yourself of your self esteem and your right to be loved and respected. Don’t allow fear to keep you in an unhappy relationship. It never works out…if it does you will be stuck in a negative cycle. You can’t change someone else, all you can do is change yourself and how you wish to see the world.
Photo by Siora Photography on Unsplash
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
